Monday, August 31, 2009
Sucks to be them
There are two men's restrooms on my floor at work. One of them butts right up to another office, which wouldn't normally be that bad. However, there's a vent towards the ceiling that seems to connect directly to the next room. Conversations travel through the wall clear as day. It makes me wonder if noises travel in the other direction as well. Can you imagine hearing a toilet flush as if it were right next to you all day long? Or worse yet, listening to some dude trying to pass his lunch on a dailey basis. It sucks to be them if that's the case.
There are two men's restrooms on my floor at work. One of them butts right up to another office, which wouldn't normally be that bad. However, there's a vent towards the ceiling that seems to connect directly to the next room. Conversations travel through the wall clear as day. It makes me wonder if noises travel in the other direction as well. Can you imagine hearing a toilet flush as if it were right next to you all day long? Or worse yet, listening to some dude trying to pass his lunch on a dailey basis. It sucks to be them if that's the case.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Probably not true since I made it up
Is it possible that injury prone Carson Palmer of the Bengals is actually health resistant? Some sources say yes, Carson Palmer actually has a mutated virus that fights off good health in professional athletes. Palmer was more than likely infected at USC since subsequent draft busts Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush have also tested positive for the virus. Of course, Leinart claims that he's only guilty of being too fun and that a cream can cure the itch.
However, a local doctor said this particular virus strain is smart based on the fact that it doesn't start damaging healthy athletes until they sign big contracts. That doctor also went on to say that a rogue group of aliens abducted him when he was twelve, forcing him to scientifically probe sea monkeys for hours on end, which was the reason he turned to the medical field as an adult.
"It's nice to know I'm not just a raging vagina that gets hurt all of the time. I have a disease that affects many over-paid athletes every year," Palmer may have been over heard saying, but probably not.
Until further tests are conducted, we can only assume that these athletes just don't have what it takes to perform in the big leagues. But as the list of suspected victims continues to grow with names McNabb and the entire Broncos running core, we can't help but start to believe the monkey probing doctor.
Is it possible that injury prone Carson Palmer of the Bengals is actually health resistant? Some sources say yes, Carson Palmer actually has a mutated virus that fights off good health in professional athletes. Palmer was more than likely infected at USC since subsequent draft busts Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush have also tested positive for the virus. Of course, Leinart claims that he's only guilty of being too fun and that a cream can cure the itch.
However, a local doctor said this particular virus strain is smart based on the fact that it doesn't start damaging healthy athletes until they sign big contracts. That doctor also went on to say that a rogue group of aliens abducted him when he was twelve, forcing him to scientifically probe sea monkeys for hours on end, which was the reason he turned to the medical field as an adult.
"It's nice to know I'm not just a raging vagina that gets hurt all of the time. I have a disease that affects many over-paid athletes every year," Palmer may have been over heard saying, but probably not.
Until further tests are conducted, we can only assume that these athletes just don't have what it takes to perform in the big leagues. But as the list of suspected victims continues to grow with names McNabb and the entire Broncos running core, we can't help but start to believe the monkey probing doctor.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Tarantino and the Matrix
I recently watched Quentin Tarantino's YouTube posting where he talks about his top 20 favorite movies released since 1992. Beyond being filled with Asian flicks, I found two other things he said to be interesting (and by interesting, I mean they mirror my own thoughts).
First, he praises M. Night Shyamalan's "Unbreakable," which is definitely an underrated film. That being said, M. Night is a completely overrated director, writer, and actor. But what I like the most about his brief description of the movie, is the fact that he refers to M. Night Shyamalan as Shamalong-a-ding-dong, which has been my nickname for him since he came out with "Signs."
Second, was his view of "The Matrix." This was one of the best action movies ever made when it came out in 1999. The special effects, action scenes, and storyline blew me away. However, the release of the second and third Matrix movies completely diluted the briliance of it all. The storyline became subpar and the special effects got too big for their own good, making the actions scenes almost laughable. I still love "The Matrix" as a stand alone movie but not as much as I loved it before the other two were released.
Tarantino's an odd duck though. He's cool. He makes edgy films. But he's odd.
I recently watched Quentin Tarantino's YouTube posting where he talks about his top 20 favorite movies released since 1992. Beyond being filled with Asian flicks, I found two other things he said to be interesting (and by interesting, I mean they mirror my own thoughts).
First, he praises M. Night Shyamalan's "Unbreakable," which is definitely an underrated film. That being said, M. Night is a completely overrated director, writer, and actor. But what I like the most about his brief description of the movie, is the fact that he refers to M. Night Shyamalan as Shamalong-a-ding-dong, which has been my nickname for him since he came out with "Signs."
Second, was his view of "The Matrix." This was one of the best action movies ever made when it came out in 1999. The special effects, action scenes, and storyline blew me away. However, the release of the second and third Matrix movies completely diluted the briliance of it all. The storyline became subpar and the special effects got too big for their own good, making the actions scenes almost laughable. I still love "The Matrix" as a stand alone movie but not as much as I loved it before the other two were released.
Tarantino's an odd duck though. He's cool. He makes edgy films. But he's odd.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Miss Universe! That's assuming an awful lot.
This was actually the first year I've ever watched the Miss Universe pageant, and I did so while fast forwarding through most of it on my DVR. All I'm saying is that Miss USA is a D-bag, Miss Australia almost got robbed (except for she sounded like a typical bimbo on the interview question), and there were too many Latin American countries in the top ten.
I would like to know exactly what they judge these ladies on because one swim suit, one dress, and 30 seconds of talking seems like weak standards for deeming someone Miss Universe. I want to see a talent competition (no baton throwing allowed), a Trivia test, and maybe a competition where they have to build something out of a K'NEX set. Remember those, they were awesome.
I know it's a beauty pageant, but I want some substance. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing ladies in bikinis. But ladies in bikinis building a model bridge could be sexy too. And Miss Venezuela, let's hold onto the crown next time.
This was actually the first year I've ever watched the Miss Universe pageant, and I did so while fast forwarding through most of it on my DVR. All I'm saying is that Miss USA is a D-bag, Miss Australia almost got robbed (except for she sounded like a typical bimbo on the interview question), and there were too many Latin American countries in the top ten.
I would like to know exactly what they judge these ladies on because one swim suit, one dress, and 30 seconds of talking seems like weak standards for deeming someone Miss Universe. I want to see a talent competition (no baton throwing allowed), a Trivia test, and maybe a competition where they have to build something out of a K'NEX set. Remember those, they were awesome.
I know it's a beauty pageant, but I want some substance. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing ladies in bikinis. But ladies in bikinis building a model bridge could be sexy too. And Miss Venezuela, let's hold onto the crown next time.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Oddly Not Connected
One of my grandpa's and my dad’s favorite says growing up was “Powder River Let’er Buck” – a popular phrase among cowboys, a battle cry for northwest infantry during the wars, and rallying cry for many northwest universities. To commemorate the passing of my grandpa (a gritty old cowboy) I had those initials tattooed on me along with my grandpa’s brand. I didn’t think a lot about it until recently, when I came across a funny connection:
Besides being coined by a legendary cowboy, Powder River, Let’er Buck was also popularized in a book of the same title in the early 1900s by a writer/rancher who lived in Jackson, WY. I spent several years in Jackson during youth. Furthermore, I’ve also become a writer in my adult life. But finally, the writer’s name is Struthers Burt, which is also my last name.
I know that this doesn’t mean anything in any literal fashion. But it’s interesting that a phrase I grew up around and have tattooed on my body was affected so greatly by someone who has some obvious surface level connections to myself. Except of course that I’m not rancher, but I wouldn’t mind being one.
Powder River, Let’er Buck!
One of my grandpa's and my dad’s favorite says growing up was “Powder River Let’er Buck” – a popular phrase among cowboys, a battle cry for northwest infantry during the wars, and rallying cry for many northwest universities. To commemorate the passing of my grandpa (a gritty old cowboy) I had those initials tattooed on me along with my grandpa’s brand. I didn’t think a lot about it until recently, when I came across a funny connection:
Besides being coined by a legendary cowboy, Powder River, Let’er Buck was also popularized in a book of the same title in the early 1900s by a writer/rancher who lived in Jackson, WY. I spent several years in Jackson during youth. Furthermore, I’ve also become a writer in my adult life. But finally, the writer’s name is Struthers Burt, which is also my last name.
I know that this doesn’t mean anything in any literal fashion. But it’s interesting that a phrase I grew up around and have tattooed on my body was affected so greatly by someone who has some obvious surface level connections to myself. Except of course that I’m not rancher, but I wouldn’t mind being one.
Powder River, Let’er Buck!
Favre Fevre
I know the majority of the sports world didn't want to see Brett Favre come back. And I get the fact that the news coverage is annoying. But as far as pure parody in competition, I think it's awesome. Some broken down old dude is trying to keep his streak alive, stick it to a team that burned him, and win one last time. Sign me up for that.
Like the rest of his career, his season will probably be filled with brilliant games and huge interceptions, but that only makes it more exciting. My feeling towards the whole situation is probably helped by the fact that I'm not a Packers fan and have been indifferent about Favre's career. That being said, let's see what the guy's got left in the tank.
I know the majority of the sports world didn't want to see Brett Favre come back. And I get the fact that the news coverage is annoying. But as far as pure parody in competition, I think it's awesome. Some broken down old dude is trying to keep his streak alive, stick it to a team that burned him, and win one last time. Sign me up for that.
Like the rest of his career, his season will probably be filled with brilliant games and huge interceptions, but that only makes it more exciting. My feeling towards the whole situation is probably helped by the fact that I'm not a Packers fan and have been indifferent about Favre's career. That being said, let's see what the guy's got left in the tank.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Glorious NoPo
On my way to work this morning I got stuck at a red light for what seemed like 5 full minutes. Luckily I was right next to a bus stop, so I had no shortage of people to watch. What caught my eye this time was an odd couple vigorously making out. A white gray-haired man who could have easily been an old 35 or a young 50 donned baggy FUBU jeans with one leg rolled up to his knees. His spit-swapping partner appeared to be an old 25-year-old girl, but it wouldn't have surprised me if she was closer to 40.
They intently sucked face, only coming up for a quick breath of air and a shared drag off of a old cigarette. It was both creepy and disgusting. The session continued the whole time I was stranded there. Her bus arrived when my light turned green. As I drove away I could see them both take one last puff off the cig, spit their gum out on the street (even though they were leaning on a garbage can), and continue on.
On my way to work this morning I got stuck at a red light for what seemed like 5 full minutes. Luckily I was right next to a bus stop, so I had no shortage of people to watch. What caught my eye this time was an odd couple vigorously making out. A white gray-haired man who could have easily been an old 35 or a young 50 donned baggy FUBU jeans with one leg rolled up to his knees. His spit-swapping partner appeared to be an old 25-year-old girl, but it wouldn't have surprised me if she was closer to 40.
They intently sucked face, only coming up for a quick breath of air and a shared drag off of a old cigarette. It was both creepy and disgusting. The session continued the whole time I was stranded there. Her bus arrived when my light turned green. As I drove away I could see them both take one last puff off the cig, spit their gum out on the street (even though they were leaning on a garbage can), and continue on.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Mostly Not True: Tiger Chokes…on hairball?
It appeared that Tiger Woods choked this weekend after blowing a fourth round lead, missing almost every conceivable putt, and carding a 75 in the wake of it all. After the devastating loss, however, he hunched over and coughed up a massive hairball. Critics and fans were quick to point out that even though you can gag on a hairball, you don’t technically choke on it. And being that Tiger’s name literally references a giant cat, it makes sense that Mr. Woods would cough one up every once and awhile.
Greg “The Shark” Norman chimed in after the loss, saying that he too has gagged in the past but only after trying to consume a large seal without adequately chewing it. A far-too-real phenomenon that simply comes with having your nickname refer to a predatory animal.
Phil Michelson was later heard crying behind the media tent because he doesn’t have a cool nickname. “Lefty” is nothing more than a one-armed pirate or a right-handed gangster (because gangsters like the irony of having nicknames that are opposite of their physical characteristics…Like Tiny or Shorty). Phil was seen leaving the course with “The Abominable Snowman” written on the back his shirt.
It appeared that Tiger Woods choked this weekend after blowing a fourth round lead, missing almost every conceivable putt, and carding a 75 in the wake of it all. After the devastating loss, however, he hunched over and coughed up a massive hairball. Critics and fans were quick to point out that even though you can gag on a hairball, you don’t technically choke on it. And being that Tiger’s name literally references a giant cat, it makes sense that Mr. Woods would cough one up every once and awhile.
Greg “The Shark” Norman chimed in after the loss, saying that he too has gagged in the past but only after trying to consume a large seal without adequately chewing it. A far-too-real phenomenon that simply comes with having your nickname refer to a predatory animal.
Phil Michelson was later heard crying behind the media tent because he doesn’t have a cool nickname. “Lefty” is nothing more than a one-armed pirate or a right-handed gangster (because gangsters like the irony of having nicknames that are opposite of their physical characteristics…Like Tiny or Shorty). Phil was seen leaving the course with “The Abominable Snowman” written on the back his shirt.
Pass the Popcorn: Coraline
Laika's stop animation project from Portland, Ore. boasts the vocal talents of Dakota Fanning and Teri Hatcher. Because of the local connections I whole-heartedly wanted to like this movie, which is about a lonely girl who discovers a secret door that leads to a fantasy world. The script wasn't bad and the animation served nicely, but I felt like the movie was void of any real weight. I blame the audio mixing and absence of strong ambient sounds. Animations have to have a full spectrum of background noise to make up for the obvious lack of reality, and this one didn't. It just wasn't a rich enough experience for me.
Laika's stop animation project from Portland, Ore. boasts the vocal talents of Dakota Fanning and Teri Hatcher. Because of the local connections I whole-heartedly wanted to like this movie, which is about a lonely girl who discovers a secret door that leads to a fantasy world. The script wasn't bad and the animation served nicely, but I felt like the movie was void of any real weight. I blame the audio mixing and absence of strong ambient sounds. Animations have to have a full spectrum of background noise to make up for the obvious lack of reality, and this one didn't. It just wasn't a rich enough experience for me.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Naturally Natural
This morning at my parent's house, I had milk that went straight from a local cow to my mom's fridge, eggs that went straight from a local coup to our carton, and sausage links wrapped and seasoned by my dad. I felt officially self-sufficient.
The craziest part about the milk, is that my mom actually separates the cream from the top, then separates butter from the cream, and has low fat milk to show for it. Crazy.
This morning at my parent's house, I had milk that went straight from a local cow to my mom's fridge, eggs that went straight from a local coup to our carton, and sausage links wrapped and seasoned by my dad. I felt officially self-sufficient.
The craziest part about the milk, is that my mom actually separates the cream from the top, then separates butter from the cream, and has low fat milk to show for it. Crazy.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Crazy-Realistic Dreams: Is This Normal?
Last night I was kept awake by several vivid dreams. I usually have intense REM, but last night's was particularly realistic. Here's the short version.
Dream 1: I pulled into a large gas station along the interstate to find that the parking lot of full. There were two large military-type tanks parked alongside two heavily armored SUVs. I thought it odd but still wanted to purchase a Gatorade and Snickers bar. On my way into the travel center I notice three large airplanes flying overhead. The first one suddenly veered left. It's wing sheered off and it came crashing down dangerously close the station. People were panicked and running when the second plane did the same thing, crashing even closer. When the third plane started its crash sequence, however, I knew it was comeing right for us. I started to run, barely making it out of the way as the plane crashed into the corner of the travel center. I looked up just in time to see the roof over the gas pumps collapse, killing everyone under it.
I was still able to get into the damaged travel center where they were already marketing down goods because of the crashes. Unfortunately after I grabbed my Gatorade and Snickers, I realized they didn't accept debit cards, and I only had $1 in my pocket.
Dream #2: My wife and I returned to Manhattan where we needed to board the subway and head uptown. I had just told her about my experience with the airplanes as we were getting on the A train. I suddenly had the thought that the plane crashes might be a foreboading about my train ride, so I jumped off as the doors closed. My wife didn't make it off in time. She seemed confused as the train headed uptown.
I started walking to the stairs when i saw a man removed a pistol from his coat. He saw me take notice and told me to leave, but when I turned, he shot me in the back. The impact knocked me down. I could feel the cramping in my side as I reached around and felt the blood. I managed to walk upstairs and into a library where someone called an ambulance. However, instead of waiting for paramedics, the librarian tried digging the bullet out of my back. The pain woke me up.
Dream #3: I was driving a new truck with my dad and my kids in the back seat. I believe I was on my way home from the hospital because I was conscious of getting shot earlier. The road became increasingly windy and the side barriers started narrowing. It was hard to control the truck, but I was managing.
Just when I thought I got through the bulk of the danger, the truck suddenly flipped and rolled several times. The impact was unsettling, but everyone was okay. I got out to find that the truck infront of me had lost a ladder that cuased me to flip. I then spent the next part of the dream fighting with an insurance company over who was going to fix my truck.
So those were my rambling dreams that cuased me to wake up exhuasted.
Last night I was kept awake by several vivid dreams. I usually have intense REM, but last night's was particularly realistic. Here's the short version.
Dream 1: I pulled into a large gas station along the interstate to find that the parking lot of full. There were two large military-type tanks parked alongside two heavily armored SUVs. I thought it odd but still wanted to purchase a Gatorade and Snickers bar. On my way into the travel center I notice three large airplanes flying overhead. The first one suddenly veered left. It's wing sheered off and it came crashing down dangerously close the station. People were panicked and running when the second plane did the same thing, crashing even closer. When the third plane started its crash sequence, however, I knew it was comeing right for us. I started to run, barely making it out of the way as the plane crashed into the corner of the travel center. I looked up just in time to see the roof over the gas pumps collapse, killing everyone under it.
I was still able to get into the damaged travel center where they were already marketing down goods because of the crashes. Unfortunately after I grabbed my Gatorade and Snickers, I realized they didn't accept debit cards, and I only had $1 in my pocket.
Dream #2: My wife and I returned to Manhattan where we needed to board the subway and head uptown. I had just told her about my experience with the airplanes as we were getting on the A train. I suddenly had the thought that the plane crashes might be a foreboading about my train ride, so I jumped off as the doors closed. My wife didn't make it off in time. She seemed confused as the train headed uptown.
I started walking to the stairs when i saw a man removed a pistol from his coat. He saw me take notice and told me to leave, but when I turned, he shot me in the back. The impact knocked me down. I could feel the cramping in my side as I reached around and felt the blood. I managed to walk upstairs and into a library where someone called an ambulance. However, instead of waiting for paramedics, the librarian tried digging the bullet out of my back. The pain woke me up.
Dream #3: I was driving a new truck with my dad and my kids in the back seat. I believe I was on my way home from the hospital because I was conscious of getting shot earlier. The road became increasingly windy and the side barriers started narrowing. It was hard to control the truck, but I was managing.
Just when I thought I got through the bulk of the danger, the truck suddenly flipped and rolled several times. The impact was unsettling, but everyone was okay. I got out to find that the truck infront of me had lost a ladder that cuased me to flip. I then spent the next part of the dream fighting with an insurance company over who was going to fix my truck.
So those were my rambling dreams that cuased me to wake up exhuasted.
Friday, August 07, 2009
Michael Crabtree: 4+4 = 0
After conferring with his advisor and cousin David Wells, #10 NFL draft pick Michael Crabtree has decided to make $0 next year instead of $4 million. Wells, a self proclaimed Rain Man, claims that if you take the square root of a desired salary times pi and divide it by the number of years Michael Jackson was black then 4 hens in the tree are greater than 1 in your hand. Crabtree approved this logic by not firing his cousin and stating that “Dustin Hoffman is a really smart dude.”
In a related story, Texas Techs math department is under full review.
After conferring with his advisor and cousin David Wells, #10 NFL draft pick Michael Crabtree has decided to make $0 next year instead of $4 million. Wells, a self proclaimed Rain Man, claims that if you take the square root of a desired salary times pi and divide it by the number of years Michael Jackson was black then 4 hens in the tree are greater than 1 in your hand. Crabtree approved this logic by not firing his cousin and stating that “Dustin Hoffman is a really smart dude.”
In a related story, Texas Techs math department is under full review.
Crabtree’s Advisor Reveals Master Plan
Michael Crabtree’s cousin and adviser David Wells went on to say that he also wants to advise for President Barack Obama in the coming months. Wells, after all, is Michael Crabtree’s cousin and feels that this raises his advisory market value. Besides, he was able to get Crabtree great media coverage for mere millions, proving that any press is good press. Or at least that if you act like a douche bag, people will write about you.
His plan? Have the president hold out from running the country until he’s recognized as President of the World. He also wants Russian Prime Minister Putin to put his shirt back on. Putin couldn’t be reached for comment because he was too busy hanging out with Matthew McConaughey and Tour D’ France winner Lance Armstrong, who also enjoy the feel of a cool breeze on their bare nipples.
Michael Crabtree’s cousin and adviser David Wells went on to say that he also wants to advise for President Barack Obama in the coming months. Wells, after all, is Michael Crabtree’s cousin and feels that this raises his advisory market value. Besides, he was able to get Crabtree great media coverage for mere millions, proving that any press is good press. Or at least that if you act like a douche bag, people will write about you.
His plan? Have the president hold out from running the country until he’s recognized as President of the World. He also wants Russian Prime Minister Putin to put his shirt back on. Putin couldn’t be reached for comment because he was too busy hanging out with Matthew McConaughey and Tour D’ France winner Lance Armstrong, who also enjoy the feel of a cool breeze on their bare nipples.
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