G.I. JOE: Rise (or Fall) of Cobra

I have a sinking feeling that G.I. JOE is going to bomb at the box office when it opens next week. Being a fan of the franchise as a kid, I was excited when I heard about this live action version last year. Unfortunately, what Batman did so right, it looks like JOE did all wrong. The power behind cartoon or comic resurgence is in the gritty, real life application of its characters. Fans like to experience the dark reality of these imaginary worlds. And from recent previews, it looks like JOE has gone the 12-year-old popcorn route instead. Granted, this worked for Transformers (which was actually somewhere in between), but I don't see it translating here. The one liners feel forced and the action looks like it's too rooted in fantasy. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Hopefully I'm wrong for the franchise's sake.

Hot. Hot. Hot.

I know talking about the weather is a little lame. But after 10 straight days of 90+ degrees and three above 100 degrees, I've come to the conclusion that my next house is going to have more than one window AC unit. It's supposed to be 107 degrees today. Someone needs to tell mother nature that this is Portland and that is uncalled for.

Soulja Boy Lyrics...Suck

I'm To Clean Off In This Hoe
Watch Me Crank Dat Roosevelt
Then Super soak That Hoe,
And Superman That Bitch,

I know I'm not super young and maybe not even super hip, but literally every line ends in Hoe, Bitch, or talking about bodily fluids. Seriously, this is a top selling artist. Whatever happened to hip hop? It amazes me that this type of lyrical content is supported by anybody. Don't get me wrong, I've got some Kanye, Jay Z, and Eminem on my ipod, but stuff like this isn't even ironically good. It's the lowest common denominator and that's it.

Short, Sweet, Funny. Good commercial.

A new taser gun that can stop up to three people without reloading! Bring on the miscreants. It's showtime.

Pass the Popcorn: Defiance

There's something about Holocaust movies that just make them hard to watch. Perhaps it's because everybody is dying and even the happy endings are sad. Defiance is no different. It tells the heroic story of three Jewish brothers who establish a forest hideout community during WWII in order to escape from the Nazis. This true recounting does a good job at giving each of the brothers their own emotional arc, but overall, there wasn't anything fresh to see. It showed the torment men go through when they are elevated to saviors, when hard decisions have to be made, and that everyone has the opportunity to stand up and lead when the time is right. But even though the action was good in spots, a lot of the scenes felt stagnant.

I'm constantly in awe of those who made it through that time in history and fully appreciate those who try to do them justice by telling their stories. But it takes a great piece of work for me to really appreciate the situation cinematicly. I like the effort here but don't love the outcome.

Get There Faster.

Sex sells. Even if you're a car rental company.

Pass the Popcorn: Knowing

Nick Cage discovers a code that reveals all the major tragedies in the last 50 years in Knowing. But does it also reveal the end of the world? That's what I was trying to find out.

From the first trailer to the DVD release, I never really wanted to see this movie, especially after it got bombed by some critics. But Donnie said give it a try, and who am I to turn down a suggestion.

As much as I didn't want to like Knowing, I couldn't help but be captivated the whole way through. It wasn't the best movie I've ever seen, but it was much more suspenseful that I had expected. I'm also not sure I loved where the eventual plot went, but I didn't mind the ride either. Overall, Knowing wasn't the perfect movie, but it's perfectly suitable for 2 hours of entertainment on a Saturday night while the kids were sleeping and I was waiting for my wife to get home from work. The bottle of wine didn't hurt the cause either.

My kiddos and my dog.

The Super Soaker 50 - 20th Anniversary

Twenty years after revolutionizing the squirt gun, the Super Soaker 50 steps back into the fold with an anniversary edition. The SS50 was the first water toy to give you a fighting chance against the hose. And like all popular kids toys, it quickly advance into the SS100 and the SSMDS(multi-directional soaker), which was my personal favorite. Of course, later advancements made the soaker too cumbersome and ineffective in an all out battle, but they still flew off the shelf.


Stuck smack dab in the middle of an Oregon heatwave, the re-release of the SS50 not only brings back a warm sense of nostalgia, but also some much needed soaking. Unfortunately my kids are still to young to take full advantage of the pressurized water chamber.

Soccer Can Be Fun

I went to the Portland Timbers game last night to film some stuff for work, which means I had a media pass and virtually unlimited access to the grounds. The crew and I ended up watching most of the game from the sidelines and mingling with the Timbers Army, and I have to say that soccer in Portland is fun.

I've never seen so much constant passion from a group of fans. It's intoxicating. They make you want to join in and get lost in the fervor. I've been known to say that it's hard to like a game that battles for 90 minutes and still ends in a tie but I'm starting to see the small victories in that. Play for a win at a home and a tie on the road? Who knows, maybe it will continue to grow on me. And the more I immerse my self in the culture, it becomes apparent that it's not just about the game.

If soccer has never appealed to you, I recommend learning a little bit about it and then visiting the Timbers at PGE park. Give a chance and see what happens.

I could be wrong but...

I'm hiking Mount St. Helens next month with some friends and acquaintances, and I'm having a hard time trying to figure out why they are making it such a big deal out of it. I don't think that I'm some superman or anything, but this can't be that hard. It's a ten mile hike which gets up to elevations of 4500 feet. Not that bad. Upon reading about some of the trail descriptions on the website, they seem to be described as "more difficult," which doesn't sound too intimidating. Yet, I get emails every week from the people I'm going with talking about how they have 3 or 4 practice hikes scheduled. They repeatedly make mention of this being a 'big day' and 'an undertaking' where training is 'a must'. Really?

All I'm saying is that I went on a day hike in Montana at a family reunion a couple years ago that had a steep vertical grade (we went from 5,500 feet to 10,000 feet in the course of 4.5 miles), and there was no preperation involved. I carried my 4-month-old daughter on my back with my wife by my side. And did I mention that we had 2 very pregnant women come along.

Yes, it's a 10-mile hike up a mountain. And I totally respect people wanting to be in shape for it. But do we really need all of this melodramatic lead up. Can't we just say that were going to hike St. Helens and it's going to be fun? We'll see some sights and explore some trails, so here's to a fun day.

Again, I could be wrong. I could be completely underestimating this thing. But deep down, I don't think that's the case.

Pass the Popcorn: Confessions of a Shopaholic

One of the worst things about being married is watching crappy movies. I'm sure it goes the same for my wife. After all, she did sit through most of Watchmen with me. That being said, Confessions of a Shopaholic was a pile of crap. It's been a long time since I've actually been angry because of a movie.

What makes me even angrier is that I remember seeing reviews that actually gave it some praise, so at the very least I was expecting mediocrity. Instead I sat through 90 minutes of a ridiculously stupid plot lines and completely unbelievable characters. There's was one scene that had any sense of realism and that's it.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting an Oscar contender. But I was hoping for something at least in the vain of The Devil Wears Prada or even Legally Blonde. What I got was a steaming pile of poo.

Movie Night Lives

Now that Henry is sleeping through the night, I'm able to stay up later and watch movies again. I love it. I forgot how much I enjoy throwing in a movie at 10 p.m. Malinda usually falls asleep halfway through, but it still gives us some nice quiet time together, which isn't easy to get when you have two kids.

Pass the Popcorn: Watchmen

The tagline "Who watches the Watchmen?" is close but incomplete. It should ask "Who watches the Watchmen and likes it?" I was really excited for this movie to release on DVD. It had one of the best trailers of the year and a gripping premise. Too bad the movie didn't follow suit.

Watchmen tells the story of a group of reluctant superheros who struggle to find their place in an world that doesn't really want them. It's long, violent, and lacks any true emotion. Some of the scenes were fantastic and some of the music was great. The climax didn't follow the emotional arc of the characters it set up to follow, and ultimately, I didn't care anyway. Overall the movie was bad.

Pass the Popcorn: Twilight

I finally broke down and watched Twilight with my wife. If you don’t know what’s it’s about, then you’ve been living under a pop culture rock for the last year. It’s basically the equivalent of Harry Potter for women of all ages. Of course, only teenyboppers will admit it.

I had low expectations for the movie, which were woefully met. The pacing was erratic, the acting was uneven, and the plot seemed thin. Of course, my wife explained that a lot of the back story and emotional torment from the book was left out. The movie just seemed to lack soul. I guess given the subject matter that might be appropriate but not exciting to watch.

Fortunately for the franchise, a new director signed on for the next movie, a move that should add some much needed life to a series about the undead.

A Response to Eric's Question About Tiger, Golf, and the Gentleman's Game

View blog post here

Tiger Woods is an enigma in golf. His popularity has always been polarizing. It's just that more people tend to love him rather than hate him. However, even amongst his fans, there's the underlying knowledge of his bad attitude surrounding poor play.

Like all of the sports greats, Tiger is a staunch competitor that hates to lose. That type of tenacity is what allows him to win so often. Pure drive enables skill to shine through even when the odds aren't favorable. But when you play with so much passion, it's hard to block out the negatives as well. You notice it in golf because of the accessibility to the pros during an entire round. Of course, that doesn't make it right.

Don't get me wrong, I think all golfers are competitive. But they don't reach that extra gear of determination Tiger has. Ali had it. Jordan had. Montana had. That's what made them great. And that's what made them polarizing.

It's easy to say that Watson played the gentleman's game the way it should be played. But in this day and age with the amount of money and sponsorships on the line, professional golf is no longer a gentleman's game. It's a competitive sport where the best in the world battle it out for four days a week. And as much as I hate to admit it, if Watson had a little more of that killer instinct in him, he probably would have walked away with the trophy last week.

So no, Tiger is no longer a thing of the past. He's just a reminder that golf is no longer a country club activity. It's an international sport where millions are up for grabs to those who want it the most.

Cink goes big. Watson goes bust.

Tom Watson choked this weekend at the British Open. But you still have to give credit to Stewart Cink for battling back, dropping a clutch birdie putt, and forcing a playoff. I do feel bad for the 59-year-old Watson, but I also feel bad for Cink because he's not getting the credit he deserves. This was Cink's first Major win, but it's being overshadowed by Watson's major heartbreak.

Pass the Popcorn: Last Chance Harvey

Last Chance Harvey follows a broken Dustin Hoffman as he courts an equally depressing Emma Thompson for two days in London. Although the characters aren't all smiles, the story is sweet and subtle. Another airplane movie, I did enjoy this Woody Allen-esque story. It has a slow pace but worth the time.

Pass the Popcorn: Inkheart

Inkheart is a fairly confusing movie about a man who can summon characters from stories simply by reading the words aloud. Unfortunately, for everyone who comes out, someone goes back in. I watched this Brenden Fraser flick on the airplane last week, which consequently makes any film more tolerable. This was no different. Semi-interesting characters, decent effects, and a disjointed plot made for a mediocre experience. Inkheart was fun enough at 33,000 feet, but probably isn't worth watching when your feet are on the ground.

Too Busy to Blog. Sorry yall, but I got deadlines a looming. My friends did get swine flu in Mexico though. After all that joking around, it kinda came true. Huh.

I back from Mexico Yo! It was fun but I pooped my brains out for a day and a half, which was not fun. More later. For now I have to catch up at work.

Pass The Popcorn

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. I don't have time to write a full review, so let me just say a couple of things.

1) It's not as complicated as most critics would have you believe.
2) Michael Bay just can't help being horribly cheesy with his love storylines.
3) The racist robot fiasco is blown way out of proportion.
4) There's a ton of action, which is mostly fun and definitely over-the-top.
5) It's not nearly as good as the first one but still worth seeing. Unless you're a critic expecting something more than it's promising. Then you're just an idiot.

All in all, it was a fun movie that was full of holes and unnecessary plot points. Megan Fox's pants had the uncanny ability to stay white under crazy-intense conditions. They could have blended Shia's hurt hand into the story better. And you get inundated with so many robots towards the end, you have no idea who's good and bad. But then again, you probably won't care.

Levi's New Go Forth Campaign is intriguing. Check out the video but also check out their microsite. It's reflective inspiration. Subdued patriotism. Melancholy excitement. Or maybe I'm just projecting.

What's Up 3-Day Weekend

I'm checking out for a weekend with the in-laws. Should be fun. I'll catch you on the flip side. Of course, immediately after I acknowledge the flip side, I will be spending a week in Mexico drinking, playing golf, and suckin' some swine flu. But after that, I will definitely hit you all back.

In the meantime, have a happy July 4th. Let's celebrate our independence, yeah.

Trail Rated

Buy American

I'm not a 'shout it from the rooftops Republican' or a 'the south will rise again American,' but I do try to support goods made in the U.S. as much as possible. I didn't realize this until I was car shopping for an SUV a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, a 4Runner would have been nice and you can get a Honda Passport for a good price, but I ended up only looking at American made rigs. I wasn't making an entirely conscious effort to shun the others. It just worked out that way. Even though Chrysler and GMC got themselves into the mess they're in, I feel like it's our duty to support them as much as possible. Because if they go under, so does a huge piece of America. So now I drive a Jeep Grand Cherokee and I like it.

Tweet Marketing

I think more companies should utilize Twitter as a promotional tool that pays off. For example, if your a shoe company, you can send out a tweet saying that if you show up to the corner of 5th and main in the next five minutes you get a free pair of shoes. Bam! You reward the people who are paying attention to your brand. You also add excitement to your promotional giveaways. It's like back in the day when the hot air balloon would fly around town and if you were in the vicinity when it landed, you won a prize. Fun stuff. It would also give consumers more of a reason to have your tweets sent to their mobile devices.

Twitter?

Where is Twitter heading? I don't think much of anywhere. It's basically become a link fest. Companies are following individuals with the hopes that they will follow them back. Meanwhile their posts are just links to articles on the web or their blog. Perhaps it has outlived its current usefulness, at least as a new marketing tool. Emails accomplish the same thing. Now for friends sending out mass messages on where to meet up etc., I think it still has potential. Then again, I haven't put a whole lot of thought to this and could be entirely wrong.

Is that a GOP in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

Our bi-yearly political sex scandal came to fruition today as the the Governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, confessed to making a 7-day jaunt to Argentina to see his mistress. He said he cried for five of those days as he tried to figure out what he was doing with his life. To that I say, "Don't cry for me in Argentina."

He apologized to his wife and kids and basically everyone else in the known universe. On his behalf, at least it didn't have to pay for it like Eliot Spitzer. Although it might end up costing him a bigger role in the political realm. Did you see that guys, I made a play on words...Pay and Cost, that's rich Lucas. Holy crap, I did it again.

So to all of the wifes out there, the next time your man says he's going on a long hike through the Appalachian Mountains, you best be wary. Of course, you would already know that if you saw Brokeback Mountain.

Death Happens in 3s

So there it is, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and now Michael Jackson. I didn't see that 3rd one happening so quickly. And while this may come off as being distasteful, the networks are going to have a hard time fitting all of their 'Let's take a look back' specials into one week. Each celebrity was an icon in their own right. But since they all died in such a short time frame, they might not receive their deserved time in the public's reflective minds. It's a shame really.

Product Spot

There's a local company in Portland that's been around for a short while now, and I dig what they're doing. It's a golf apparel company called Lign. They cater to my age group. That being old enough to be responsible and young enough to feel lame about it. We embrace tradition while trying to carve out our slice of originality. We bet a beer on a par 3 KP and don't mind when we lose. We think the drink girl driving the cart is hot but won't make a fuss about it. We speak it like it is, but end it with a "sir." So Lign, I salute you. I'm excited to see what's next.

Pass The Popcorn

Fired Up. This is a tough one to talk about. First off, my wife rented it on a whim. Secondly, I don't know if I've ever seen a preview for it, but she got it anyway. It's about 2 horny high school dudes who skip football camp to go to cheerleading camp in order to score with tons of chicks. I know. Oscar worthy.

The first half was horrid. The main characters tried way to hard to deliver one-liner after one-liner. In the guise of humor, they shed a negative light on sex-craved teens everywhere. That being said, once they got to cheer camp the script mellowed out a little and actually started to be funny.

I love the fact that Eric Christian Olsen (The Last Kiss; Dumb and Dumberer) is 31-years-old and can still play a high schooler. John Michael Higgins (Best in Show and the recent DirectTV ads) added some seasoned comedic timing by way of dry humor. And in the end, I was able to find merit in the overall experiece, despite the fact there wasn't any nudity. Bottom line: The first half sucked but the second half was pretty hilarious.

This Volkswagen commercial has been out for awhile now, but it still cracks me up every time I watch it. I love the dudes expression towards the end.

It's funny how in certain industries people are willing to haggle over the cost of services and in others the price is the price.

Portland Brawlers

I think that's our team name anyway. The first game wasn't a total train wreck. We have a lot more talent on our team this year, but the rust was thicker than expected. I'm going to go ahead and take 70% of the blame for our first loss. I over-tricked uncontested layups (because I thought they would be contested) and flat out missed everything from beyond the arc. To make matters worse, I felt like my shot was close so I just kept shooting...and missing.

It always feels good, however, to run around like it's nobody's business for an hour, but hopefully we'll all have a little more luck next week when it comes to making our shots.

Pass the Popcorn

The Hangover is this summer's surprise comedic gem. And for good reason. It follows four friends (well three friends and a brother-in-law) to Vegas for a bachelor party. Need I say more?

It's genius in its randomness. Over-the-top without being completely ridiculous. And hilarious. I hate to talk up a movie too much because raised expectations can contribute to mild let downs, but The Hangover is definitely on par with Wedding Crashers and Old School.

My only problem was I saw the movie at a local theater that serves pizza and such. I ate too much and now I have a tummy ache. My bad.

Starting a new season of City League Basketball. I'll let you know how it goes.

North Korea Is Off It's Rocker

Seriously, North Korea. You're gonna start being the bully on the playground - threatening everyone with your nukes. By now most countries realize that a nuclear war would pretty much start a big enough sh** storm to destroy the entire planet. So instead of killing everyone, most dictators are simply trying to kill those around them. But North Korea has go ahead and grow a little-man complex.

We get it. Even though you're a small country with a short dictator, you're evil and strong with big guns. What's the allure of ruling the world anyway. Every country that tries to do, gets back handed eventually. If you want to be street rat crazy, can't you just keep to yourself like the crazy homeless man in the alley behind office.

What's up with your blog, girly man?

So apparently my last blog template was a little too girly. It was so girly in fact, that my female coworker told me that she wouldn't even use it as her template. I just thought it was brown. But apparently brown with tan things in the background goes from being manly brown to just plain girly Victorian.


So to make sure I can still keep my man card in tact, I changed my template to this neutral design. And just in case that wasn't enough I also chugged a beer, cleaned my rifle, sharpened my chainsaw, and watched some baseball.

And instead of doing a 25-minute fitness routine on Comcast this evening, I'm gonna do some pullups. Phew, that was a close one. Thanks Heather and Lisa for setting me straight. No pun intended.

I just realized that I've been fairly consistently blogging for over a year, but have yet to really say anything of importance. I guess the joke is on all the fools who read my rubbish.

Nokia has created a cell phone technology that harvests ambient radio waves from the air to help keep it charged. It weirds me out to think that I'm wading through random radio waves all day long. They're like giant cobwebs that we can't see. It's a good thing too. Can you imagine walking through that many cobwebs. Now that would suck.

You have to wonder if Lebron is a fan of the recent commercials or if he just continues to get more bitter.

Pass the Popcorn

Grand Tarino follows a racist old Korean War vet as he reflects on his past after the death of his wife. Living in a neighborhood full of Asian immigrants and surrounded by senseless violence, Clint Eastwood's character, Walt, finds it difficult to keep to himself as the situation deteriorates around him.

As many have already mentioned this movie is basically Dirty Harry years after retirement. Even though Clint starts the film off with some heavy-handed acting and the plot takes some time to develop, I was fully on board by the end. The supporting cast was mediocre at best but anything dealing with revenge and Clint Eastwood is worth a go. I particularly liked how the script didn't rely on the easy solution to the presented conflict. And the comedic aspects were unexpected but appreciated.

So grab a six pack, gut it up through the first 25 minutes, and enjoy the rest.

The replacement ride

Here's my new ride. Well new to me anyways. Downgrading in type of vehicle actually allowed me to upgrade in options, so now I'm sporting leather seats and a moon roof, which is nice. More than that, Malinda loves it, and that always makes things better. So here's to saving money and nestling into my role as a yuppy. Cheers.

RIP Awesome Chevy Truck

In order to save some cash I traded in my truck for a smaller SUV. Luckily, the dealership let me keep my balls but they're keeping my pride on loan. I hoping I'll have it back soon enough.

Game Night

I have a feeling the Lakers are going to win by 11 tonight, but I'm putting my money on Orlando out of pure spite. There's nothing wrong with letting emotions get in the way.

Heineken Spots a miss?

Heineken has released two new spots to be aired internationally and on it's website areyoustillwithus.com. I will note that the spots were produced through the agency JWT and are primarily used internationally.





Both spots are close to good but definitely fall short of the "Walk-in Closet" and "Walking Fridge" spots that came out earlier this year. More than anything, I think the tagline "are you still with us" isn't strong enough to carry a campaign about beer. It's a line that would work better with Chevrolet's reinvention campaign. That's my take anyway.

Sad

An 88-year-old white supremacist shot up the Holocaust museum today. One person was killed. I have to say that this is just sad. Dudes got one foot in the grave and he still can't stop hating. And for what? What's the point of shooting up a museum that marks the suffering of millions of Jewish people? (I was going to says Jews, but for some reason it didn't sound right - thoughts). First he's got to hate on other races, and then he decides, "hey why stop there, I might as well hate everyone that's not like me."

There's a special place in hell for people like that. Unfortunately, that doesn't save the people whose lives they've already ruined.

Whale Wars

My wife decided to hang out with some coworkers last night, which left me home alone with nothing to do. My idle hands finally found the second season premiere of The Discovery Channel's Whale Wars.

The show chronicles the efforts of Australian Whale activists as they try to disrupt the Japanese 'research' whaling season in the Antarctic. Aboard the aging ship, Steve Irwin, the activists attempt to stop the Japanese with homemade stink bombs and a constant barrage of threats.

Even though I disagree with this type of activism (the whalers are completely within their rights to be there, so the protesters are really borderline eco-terrorists), it is a gripping set up. I will say that the only reason the whalers are within their legal rights is because they conducting research, a facade and convenient loophole according the crew of the Steve Irwin. These extremely passionate people are putting their lives on the line to save the whales. They are risking the safety of the boat, the safety of the whalers, and the film crew. Of course everyone knows what they're getting into, but if something bad were to happen in the middle of the Antarctic, help would be a long ways away. Of course, this adds to the tension.

Whale Wars is like the Deadliest Catch with a cause. I enjoyed the drama and since I'm not an activist, I found it very intersting to get inside the psyche of these passionate people. I don't with their level of protest, but I probably end up watching the show anyways, thus supporting their cause indirectly.

Insomnia

Due to circumstances partially beyond my control, I've been feeling a little bit of stress lately. Unfortunately, that stress has destroyed my sleeping habits. In the last four nights, it has taken me on average 3 hours to fall asleep. And once I do fall asleep, I wake up repeatedly.

It's been awhile since I've had this much trouble getting my zzzs. Even with the new baby, I slept more.

I'm like a walking zombie - slow, puffy eyes, confused, and hungry for brains. Hopefully, I can figure my stuff out over the next couple of days because it won't take many more sleepless nights to render me completely useless.

MMA at Midnight Thirty

Battling my recent stint of insomnia, I found myself enthralled in the recent bout between MMA stars Urijah Faber and Mike Brown. This was the second time they've met in the Octagon - the first of which Faber lost my knockout.


Despite being thought of as an overrated golden boy from California by many, Faber put up a huge effort to keep this second fight close. He had a strong first round, opening up Brown's left eye. But halfway through the first five minutes, Faber landed a punch that broke his right hand, an obvious disadvantage for the rest of the night. He adapted his game by throwing elbows, but was unable to defend Brown's ground game. Perhaps a more aggressive ground attack of his own would have been a better option than the elbows, but it's easy to judge when I'm knock getting my head punched in.

The match went to a judges decision that ended in favor of Brown - an obvious victory. However, I have to take my hat off to the California kid for fighting for 25 minutes with a crushed hand. When he took off his gloves at the end of the match, his hand was the size of an orange. And if I know anything about fighting, Brown was glad that he won, but disappointed that he couldn't fight a 100% Faber.

It was a spectacular fight, but many will look at it as being largely incomplete.

Pass the Popcorn

Yes Man is about a banker named Carl (Jim Carrey) who's life is so full of disappointment that he challenges himself to say yes to everything in order to shake things up. With a similar comedic style to Liar Liar, Carrey goes back to the basics. Despite having a slow first act, I actually found myself laughing quite a bit during his various escapades. The always lovely Zooey Deschanel is too carefree for reality, but I was able to let it slide because she's cute. And Terence Stamp delivers a strong supporting role as the man behind the Yes.

Was it ground breaking? No. Was it as strong as Liar Liar? No. Was it worth watching? Yes. Yes! See, saying yes already changing my life.

Morons...

I hate selling things on Craigslist. Not because it's hard but because people are annoying. There's nothing worse than writing a 3 paragraph post describing an object, then having people call and the first thing out of there mouth is 'so what can you tell me about it?'

Seriously, I've already described it at length. What else to you want to know? My dumbbells enjoy being used in the evening or my truck really likes going fast. If you have a question, ask your question or learn how to read. It's not that difficult.

Breaking News....Really

A massive storm ripped through Portland yesterday over the course of 2 hours. It's true that there was heavy rain, powerful winds, and ominous skies, but once again the local media would have you believe that Doomsday was upon us.

Every local station cut into breaking news showing us potted plants tipped over on porches and the occasional downed tree. So just in case you couldn't look out your window, you would know that the wind was a whipping.

The most annoying spot was when the news station decided to show us 5-minutes of user footage, which was less than amazing and borderline lame. But there I was watching with the rest of the city. Not because I wanted to, but because they cut into my regularly scheduled program.

Actor David Carradine Found Dead

The famous actor from TV's Kung Fu and the cult classic Kill Bill was found dead in Bangkok. On a serious note, he will be absolutely missed in the entertainment industry.


On a "seriously" note, he was found naked and appeared to have hung himself in the closet of his luxury hotel room. I can't help but immediately think that this was a sexcapade gone wrong. Somewhere in Bangkok there's a prostitute who knows way too much and a pimp who's is keeping her quiet.

Honestly, who would strip down naked before hanging themselves. It just seems a little to awkward.

UFC

I went on a photo shoot/workout with UFC fighter Nate Quarry today. I learned two things. First, I will never pick a fight with anyone unless I know for certain that they are NOT a UFC fighter. Second, I'm pretty sure Nate could kick my head off of my body. He could literally detach my appendages by force. On TV it doesn't look so bad. In person....I wet myself a little.

The Eminem stunt at this years MTV Movie Awards turned out to be staged. I had suspected this much, but Cohen is just crazy enough to put a little doubt in my mind. Eminem didn't react with the quick sense of repultion I would have suspected, but after a short debate with the Mrs., we decided it was a pluasible outcome. I guess we just got punked...and no Ashton jumping out from behind the corner. So sad.

Is it just me or does Land of the Lost look a little too cheesy for it's own good?

Pretty Funny Take on The Terminator

Sorry about the size. If you want the full screen, double click.

Terminator Salvation: Deleted Scene @ Yahoo! Video

OnlineShoes.com

I'm not one to be loyal to stores, but I've recently become a fan of onlineshoes.com. They typically carry a lot of product that I can't seem to find in stores, and everything I'm looking for seems to be on sale. Not to mention every time I order something, they email me a $10-off coupon code.

Take these Asics I just bought. I ordered them on Friday night, received free shipping, paid only $29 for them, and they came to my house Monday (today) morning. That's ridiculously quick and efficient.

I hate listening to any sort of talk radio and hearing a caller say, "Long time listener, first time caller." Really... news flash, no one really cares. In fact, you'll probably follow that statement up with some ill-conceived rambling about a subject you only vaguely relate to.

Just because you have listened for a long time doesn't make what you're about to say any more or less asinine. And when it comes down to it, the DJs aren't gonna like you any more either.

Pass the Popcorn

Paul Blart: Mall Cop makes an unlikely hero out of an overweight security guard in New Jersey. After repeatedly failing the State Trooper physical exam due to his hypoglycemia, Paul Blart finds himself trying to save the girl of his dreams from thugs trying to rob a local mall.

Despite being cheesy and having an unbelievable love interest, Mall Cop was enjoyable. I laughed quite bit, however, it's only fair to mention I was three glasses deep into a bottle of wine. My wife, on the other hand, was sober and laughing right along with me.

If you're in the mood for an innocent good time, Mall Cop should deliver.

**I Love You Man is playing at my local McMenamins, so hopefully I will get to see that one shortly.

Pizza

Now that I'm closer to 30 than I am to 25, I'm finally ready to declare pizza as being my favorite food. Don't get me wrong, I love a good steak, a juicy burger, or a crispy chicken sandwich too, but pizza is good on just about every occasion. It's tasty warm but can be eaten cold. Plus, there's a million different kinds, so you can have variety night after night. So warm it up Kris and jump, jump. I love me some pizza.

WIPEOUT!

The new season of WipeOut debuted last night, and while my wife's guilty TV pleasure is endless crappy reality TV, I tend to gravitate towards the 'get smacked in the face, hilarious' reality TV. I love this show. Give me 4 beers, my recliner, and the new and improved elimination course, and I will laugh off a days worth of empty calories before the first commercial break.

I know some people find this show mindless (which it is) and a shell of the original MXC (I, however, have grown to like it better), but to them I say, "suck it."

Do yourself a favor, watch this show with zero expectations, laugh, and repeat. It may not make your hair shiny, but it will tighten up the jowl line.

Bedtime Words from my 2-year-old.

Sophia just learned how to say "I love you." Tonight this is what she said.

"I love my daddy." - Awe, how sweet.

"I love my Henry." - Ohh adorable.

"I love my mommy." - So cute.

"I love my lamp. I love my bite." - Okay, so she actually loves everything she sees...

The Road

I'm reading The Road right now. I have about 20 pages left. It's an interesting book where not a lot happens. It's from the author of No Country For Old Men, so you can expect a similar pacing with a similar non-ending.

Regardless, I came across the trailer for the theatrical version that will be released this fall. It's almost how I expected it to look. I envisioned more falling ash, but I'll give it a try anyway.

My buddy had a tick attach itself to his penis! That freaks me out man.

Holy Crap!

I just realized that Josh Brolin played the leading man (teenager) in the Goonies. I used to watch the hell out of that VHS, but until I read this 'where are they now' blurb, I didn't connect the dots. Crazy. Check out the link.

Baggo! (also known as cornhole to some)

The best backyard game I've ever played. It's like horseshoes but requires less space and less skill. I was a staggering 15-0 this weekend until my wife finally took me off my pedestal, handing me 3 straight losses. But I'm not backing down. Next weekend I will strike back with the ferociousness of a lemur.

You can find versions of this game anywhere from $50 - $125 depending on where you're shopping.

Pass the Popcorn

Role Models - Yeah, it came out awhile ago, but I'm just now being able to watch movies again thanks to the little one sleeping more now.

It's a comedy about two wayward energy drink brand ambassadors who are forced to complete community service after a less than believable traffic violation. All in all, Role Models is nothing too groundbreaking but it didn't suck either. I'd say it's a solid choice if you feel like a seeing a couple boobs and hearing a handful of F-bombs with your jokes.

The Red Box outside of many McDonalds is awesome. Movies for a dollar can't be beat!

Pass The Popcorn

Taken is a story about a father who quits his job as a government enforcer to be closer to his daughter only to have her kidnapped by human traffickers. It's also full of more holes than the bad guys that get popped in the movie.

Beyond a fun premis predicated on ruthless revenge (one of my favorites), this movie lacks anything that resembles a cohisive script. It has great ass-kicking second act, but the movie as a whole sucked.

Jon and Kate Plus 8 annoy me. The wife is demanding, the husband is a pushover, and I have to listen to enough whinny kids without having to watch it on TV too.

It's Tenacious D Time...Again?

Has it been long enough since Tenacious D's last album was playing in every dorm room in America for me to start liking it again without being trendy? I'm not sure, but I listened to some of it the other day and I couldn't help but smile.

I think I want to get a Black Crows album.

The American Idol shocker was crazy! And yet, I still don't care. I did notice that bikini girl came back with new boobs, and the new judge tried to show her up by tearing off her clothes at the end of their duet. Crazy! That's about all I tuned in for. I think Steve Martin should have won.

Boo Hoo Jessica Biel

I hate it when celebrities complain about being pretty or not getting roles based off of their looks (a rebuttal to Jessica Biel saying it isn't easy being hot). Hello! That's the industry you're in. It's like me saying that I can't stand my boss not wanting to use my taglines because of how they read. Actors and models are judged on their looks.

Casting directors have particular images in their head they are trying to fill, and it's pretty easy to know what you want and don't want. Take the last voice over I helped cast. Ninety percent of the reels I listened to didn't make it past the first 5 seconds. They didn't fit. End of story. It was nothing against the talent. They just didn't have the right tone. The same thing goes for acting auditions. If the person doesn't have the look you're going for, end of story.

And as far as Jessica Biel is concerned...Try being ugly while breaking into the acting business. I garauntee she would find it a little more disheartening to have to audition of pure talent alone.

Welcome little man!

Congratulations Eric and Amber for successfully creating life. I would like to welcome Patrick Stanley Strahl into the world. A healthy boy just over 20 inches and 8 pounds (if my memory serves me).

Eric will teach you how to dress and recycle. I will teach you how to kill things (like deer, elk, or your wife's dreams of happiness).

Steel Train was the opening act for Ben Folds. They looked like a bunch of douche bags but they had some fun music. Check em out.

Ben Folds was great. He's so far gone on the normal train that he actually turned pimp daddy cool. Anytime you have a song that reflects on your nut sack, you're going somewhere.

The Roseland Theater is a great venue - I recommend getting seats in the balcony. They have drink service and you have a better view of the stage.

All in all, it made for a good outing with the Mrs.

Finally, the weekend has arrived in conjunction with good weather. Unfortunately my wife works both days, so I won't have free reign of the sunshine. But the kiddos and I will find something fun to do.

I hate being lied to.

In my never ending battle to put used tires on my truck, I stumbled across a small shop that deals in exactly that. Two weeks ago I asked the guy how much a certain set of wheels were to which he replies, "$250, installed." Since I didn't have my truck, I told him that I would have to come back.

Today, the price miraculously jumped to $280. When I told him that's not what they were the last time I came in and that's also not what they are listed at on his craigslist ad, he simply told me I was wrong. To which my reply was, "I don't like being lied to. Thanks but no thanks. I will not be coming back here."

I don't even really care about the $30. I just can't stand it when people try to take advantage of or lie to me. I have no patience for it.

Big Red Pimp'n

I took my daughter to see Sesame Street Live last weekend. Even though they call it Sesame Street Live, it's really all about Elmo. He's like Axl Rose for 3-year-olds.

After a 15- minute introduction of all of the other characters, the place went dark. Big Bird said, "Oh man, who are we missing?"

The crowd erupted, "ELMO!"

The spotlight tracked to center stage and out came the man of the hour. Screams echoed throughout as Elmo's furry ass started dancing around. I couldn't help but notice a hint of disdain in the rest of the characters.

I can just see them all going out for drinks afterward. Elmo's got two furry babes on each arm, slamming back Dos Equis while Grover and the gang play second fiddle. Kermit said that it ain't easy being green. But I can't help but think that you can have any bed when you're red.

I mean really, what do you do after you've played Elmo on the big stage. There's nothing more you can accomplish in the land of Muppets. My best guess is that you're forced to move on to actual musicals. That is of course, unless a jealous Muppet doesn't off you first because he wants your gig.

It's a dangerous world no doubt. I can see it now. It's like Showgirls but with better acting and no waxing.

Bad Boys, What you gonna do...

I was going to buy some tires off a guy on craigslist yesterday. I called him up and arranged to get them today. Instead of getting exactly what I was looking for, however, I got a visit from the police.

Apparently right after I got off the phone with the guy, someone stole the tires out of his backyard. Naturally, since I was the last one he talked to, I was the first one the cops looked into.

Imagine my surprise when a uniformed detective knocked on my door looking for some BFGs. Since I'm a fan of CSI and just about every other crime show, I was all about helping out. Unfortunately, all he wanted to do was cross me off the list. I guess my white picket fence, American flag, and manicured lawn didn't scream criminal mind to him. I guess I won't be solving any mysteries today, after all.

The worst part is that now I have to find a different set of tires.

The Matrix is still one of the best movies for it's genre. It's too bad the other two totally sucked. The Wachowski brothers got ahead of themselves instead of simply using 'just enough' like they did in the first one.

Funny

I was searching for voiceover talent online today, which can be a like looking in your fridge 10 times a minute and hoping to see food that wasn't there 6 seconds ago. I started skipping through sections of the clips when I heard, " you can do it an airplane."

I laughed. It was funny.

Rock'n Roll

When we're getting ready to go in the morning, my daughter says, "let's rock'n roll, daddy." I didn't realize that's what I said before we left every day until she started asking me if we're going to rock'n roll.

Now she points to Henry and says, "baby's car seat. Let's rock'n roll."

Call it what you want to call it.

Whether you call it Cornhole or Baggo, it's still one of the funnest backyard games I've played. It's a mixture of horseshoes and that beanbag tic tac toe game you played as a kid. The best part about it is that you don't need a ton of space, it has a small learning curve, and there's virtually no skill involved. I smell BBQ drinking game.

You can get the Target version for $50 and it's well worth the price. Two players or four, Baggo is the way to have fun in the backyard.

Baby Names

Right after we named Sophia I started seeing that name pop up everywhere. While researching names I didn't see it in the top 10 of any list. After merely a year and a half, it ranks number seven on SSA name registry and number four on other sites.

Likewise, when we named our son Henry four months ago, I didn't know a single kid with that name. Since, I've met three people who have named their son Henry and another one on the way. It still hasn't broken through the top ten, but I can only wonder how long it will take.

Now I don't know if I'm simply a trend setter or an early adapter. Perhaps I'm just a douche bag for thinking about it.

The Sprite Commercial is Creepy

What's the deal with the Sprite commercial where the dudes are drinking soda on a scorching day then out of nowhere start jumping into each other and turning into water? I get the reference, but why do all of the other dudes start bathing in their newly liquefied friends?

If my buddy ran across some pavement, jumped into some random dude, and turned into liquid, I wouldn't run through his watery remains. I wouldn't soak in what's left of some dude like it's a refreshing cure for a heat wave. That's just weird. And this commercial is on all of the time.

Quit freaking me out, Sprite. Where do these people go? Is it like Logan's Run where they think they are traveling to an alternate universe but really, they're just dying?

As much as I don't like seeing the Rockets win, I love watching the Lakers lose. Which is weird because I used to be a fan. I guess I can say I have completely stripped away my fanhood of the purple and gold. Luckily I didn't hurt my ankles jumping off that band wagon.

You know you're getting old when you don't get to buy tickets to the game because your wife already bought tickets to see "Sesame Street Live" with the kids. Yes! I love Elmo.

1 and 2 and 3 and 4

I've recently re-entered to world of working out. I know, it seems like I do that about once every two months. But it's surprising how much time your kids will actually suck out of your life. I went into father thinking, "I guess i'll just cut my workout down to 3 a week." Now I'm happen to make to the gym once a week.

I could get there more, but there's not one close to my house. On top of that, I feel bad getting my sweat on after work while my wife sits at home with the little ones.

On to the point. To kick off my latest stint of exercising, the wife and I started doing Comcast On Demand's fitness TV. At first, I thought it was going to strip me of my masculinity. And it very well might be. But it's also kicking my ass. I don't care what anybody says, a half hour mixture of aerobics, yoga, and pilates is hard. (a) I'm not flexible. (b) It's nonstop. (c) I'm really not flexible.

Who knows how long this kick will last. But as long as it does, you'll be seeing my whooped butt walking with a limp.

The Celtics vs. Bulls series has been one of the best series of all time. I haven't been able to watch all of the games, but as a sports fan, I can't deny the competitive intensity of every game. Even the one where the Celtics blew out the Bulls was crazy because it was completely unexpected.

Really Happened

At the park during my lunch break shooting hoops with a co-worker, I notice a homeless man pull out a driver and sack of golf balls.

Lucas - Well that doesn't look entirely safe.

The homeless man shanks one about 20-feet ahead of him.

Lucas - Maybe if he keeps hitting like that it is. But this is a park, not a driving man.

The homeless man gets a hold of the next one. twenty, 50, 100 yards in the air.

Homeless man - Four. Four. Four!!

I look up to see the ball drop right infront another homeless man that's crossing the park.

Lucas - Holy crap.

The second homeless man methodically marches his way the 100-yards to the would-be golfer.

Homeless man #2 - What the f**k are you thinking. You better get the hell out of this park before I take that club and shove it up your a**. I'm gonna rip off your bear. Why do yo have a beard, you dumb a**. I'm gonna rip it off right after I wrap that club around your head.

Homeless man 1 just stands there.

Lucas - I really hope I don't have to break up a fight between two homeless guys. I don't want to get cut.

Homeless man #2 - You got 30 seconds to leave before I rip you head off. One, two, three, four.

Of course he stops at four. Who really wants to count to 30 outloud. It just seems excessive. I only give my daughter until 5 because I definitely don't want to count the 30 outloud.

Homeless man #1 packs up hit clubs and balls and walks off. Homeless man #2 looks over at my co-worker and I and makes a succession of what might have been whoops and hollers. He's got the crazy eyes.

Lucas - I really don't want to have to kick a homeless guy's ass today.

R.I.P. Rip City. Until next year.

There's no scoring in soccer

I spent last night at the Portland Timber’s home opener. We got box seats through my company, which as it turns out, are a hell of a lot of fun. We were able to bring both kids and not worry about them going crazy all up in other people’s Kool Aide.

As for the Timbers, they had a rough first half but played much better in the second. And of course because it’s soccer, it still ended in a tie. All in all, we had a great time and look forward to doing it again. Goooooaaaaaal.