Jackassalope

Not Messin’ Around

Alright, I’ll admit that I laugh in the face of snow. It’s not a big deal. It’s just a little bit of white menace that can be brushed aside. Snow is like the skinny white guy in baggy pants acting gangster. Snow is Vanilla Ice and Danny Bonaduce. Ohhh, look at the snow. It’s so cute when it gets angry.

But tomorrow there’s a chance we may get freezing rain. Not even I am dumb enough to mock the freezing rain Gods. That stuff doesn’t mess around. It’s basically tiny car crashes falling from the sky. It’s droplets of power outages covering the ground. It is 4x4 trucks sliding down driveways, tree branches crushing un-expecting rooftops. Freezing rain is Charles Manson and the guy who shot 50 cent. It’s bad news with every potential to stop the presses.

And as much as I laughed at the snow storm while driving my car without chains, I will respect the freezing rain and stay home. I will buy my extra water. I will make sure my candles have wicks. Achilles had his heel, Sampson could lose his hair. I have freezing rain.

Just kidding. Freezing rain is for women and small children. Bring it on Jack Frost!