Jackassalope

The Art of Burning Bridges

It’s an age-old adage that it’s not wise for one to burn a bridge he has just crossed over. What if you realize you’ve forgotten your favorite pair of Nikes on the other side? It is very hard to cross a dangling suspension bridge that’s engulfed in flames (I picture a suspension bridge because it seems scarier. Don’t look down). Furthermore, you may have remembered about your Nikes too late, and the rickety old bridge is already burned to the ground. Now what?

That being said, there are those times when you feel so completely crossed by someone, you have no choice but to light the match. So if you’ve reached your limit, there’s no point in just giving your bridge a little smoke damage. It will simply grow bitter, perhaps let you cross it again, but the bridge will eventually allow you to fall. Instead of risking a plunge, you might as well douse it with lighter fluid, soak it with gas, and ignite the damn thing with a blow torch. This way, at least the bridge knows it’s being burned. There’s no misconceptions like, “hey, did he just toss a match at me? Well I don’t see any other bridges around, so I think he just flicked that match at me.” Nope, as that bridge burns to the ground, it will stare you in the eyes as it rages and eventually smolders to nothing, knowing there wasn't a second lighter on the grassy knoll.

Of course, you can always be the bigger bridge and ignore the whole thing. But what’s the fun in that? At least, that is what a little birdie told me… as he lit a match and waved his Nikes good bye.