Jackassalope

Holy Crap on My Face

The fact of the matter is that I’m almost 28-years-old and still have occasional breakouts on my face. I can’t complain too much because I never really had a lot of zits growing up, but there are some things you just expect to outgrow; like wetting the bed, binge drinking, and yes, getting zits. I like to refer to them as sympathy pimples because my wife’s pregnancy has caused her to also become a candidate for Proactive commercials. So what’s the point of all of this? Toothpaste. Yup, toothpaste.

Last night my wife came into the living room with white dabs all over her face. “Don’t mind my zit medicine,” she said. I know we don’t usually have acne cream in the house, so I pressed her a little. Turns out, she put toothpaste on all of her zits. I’ve heard about this home remedy before but never game it any mind. Nonetheless, my forehead looked as though I was going through puberty all over again, so I covered it in Aquafresh, which burned a little. I don’t know if the burning means it’s working or I was actively whitening my whiteheads.

To my dismay – yes, dismay I say – in the morning I was virtually pimple free. Ha! Toothpaste! It’s a little ridiculous and a lot of mint freshness, but it still cleared me up. Now I just have to work on wetting the bed. On second thought, quitting binge drinking would probably take care of that as well.