Hooray for football season. It's a good time of year.

Sometimes life isn’t fair. Some questions cannot be answered. Some things you will never understand unless you go through it yourself. Today I will say a prayer for my good friend and his wife.

No Compassion

I have absolutely no compassion for the woman who was found guilty of killing her daughter by burning her in a microwave; especially having a child of my own. She was charged with putting her baby in the microwave after having an argument with her boyfriend regarding the identity of the child’s father. Throw out all excuses. This woman deserves no leniency. I usually try not to judge, but this sickens me to my core. In fact, I regret reading the article. I’m having a hard time not being utterly pissed off right now. So there that is.

The National’s appeal is foreign to me

In my good friend Eric’s eternal quest to broaden my musical horizons, he emailed me a song called All the Wine by “The National.” This is his second attempt turn me onto this particular band, and as much as I want to like them, I just can’t get past the lead vocals. The lyrics are good, the music is engaging, but the lead singer’s voice is exhaustingly boring. The songs lack depth because he has no vocal range. The song’s natural progression begs for the singer to fluctuate and build with the music, but he remains stagnant throughout. And I’m not talking about adding any of that R&B ridiculousness; I would just like to see minimal changes in tone.

Despite “The National’s” potential, every song Eric sends my way seems to fall flat. Sorry Eric. This one’s a miss. Regardless, I’m still open to your musical suggestions.

Isn’t It Ironic?

The author of “100 Things to Do Before You Die” died on August 17th after falling and hitting his head at his home in Venice. He was 47-years-old. Despite it being sad that anyone’s life is cut short, it is ridiculously ironic that he died at a young age.

I’ve always wondered if people are predestined to accomplish a certain number of things on this earth, and when their tasks are complete, their time is up. To error on the side of caution, I chose to ‘not do 100 crazy things’, so that I can hopefully prolong my life. Some people call it lazy. I call it prudent. And while my life might be a little on the boring side, at least it will be on the boring side for years to come. Knock on wood. No seriously, knock on some wood for me. I hope I didn’t just jinx myself.

Madonna

Madonna kicked off her new tour in Wales, wowing a crowd of 40,000. And after all of these years, I still don’t care. On a related note, Kid Rock’s new album is still outselling both Madonna’s and Mariah Carey’s. That’s funny. You’ve got to love the Rock N Roll Jesus. I’ll pound a 40 for that one.

The New Hollywood Craze

The last couple of years in Hollywood were devoted to celebrities having babies, adopting kids, or both. This year’s craze; car crashes. It seems like anybody who’s anybody in Hollywood is totaling a vehicle. Morgan Freeman, Shia Lebeouf, the Beckhams; all have been involved in some sort of wreck in the past month. And these aren’t your run of the mill Britney being mobbed by paparazzi fender benders. They came complete with torqued metal, broken bones, and hospital visits. Hopefully tinsel town knows about Allstate’s accident forgives plan. Perhaps next year’s Hollywood fad should be driving lessons.

Sophia at 16-months. Yeah, she's pretty cute.

Sophia and Harper are already best buds.

I'm still pretty proud of building that dog house out of scrap wood.

It’s Friday!

That’s right, it’s Friday - exclamation point. Today has a lot of potential. I’ll have to wait and see how it pans out, but good things might be coming down the pipeline. We’re supposed to sign our mortgage refinancing papers, I might get paid the money that’s owed to me from my last job, and I’m drafting my fantasy football team tonight. Not to mention I have the weekend off. So let’s raise our collective glasses to high expectations and hope we don’t get let down.

Random Thought

There are two types of people in this world. Those who use the word “douche bag” when describing a moron or idiot, and those who don’t. Nothing against the people who don’t appreciate the pure joy of calling someone a douche bag, you just operate on a different wave length. Perhaps you’re more mature or sophisticated, or maybe you’ve actually used a douche bag and are slightly grossed out by the whole thing. Valid as your points may be, there are worse names that get thrown around.

Really?

The Bigfoot debacle turned out to be a hoax?! Wow, I didn’t see that one coming. Ironically, it turned out to be an even bigger, more elaborate hoax than I had anticipated.

It’s Official

Malinda and I are going to have a baby boy in January. We’re pretty excited about it to. Well, I am at least. Malinda is a little worried about having to deal with a miniature version of me. I can’t really blame her. I’m even a little much for me to handle sometimes. Not to mention the baby is already smacking her around from the inside. Hey, you have to get your punches in when they least expect it. That’s lesson number one.

Robert Redford

Robert Redford turned 72-years-old today. Holy Crap! When did that happen? I knew he was getting older, but 72. That’s almost great grandparent age.

It creeps me out a little when I see the stars we grew up on getting up there in years. What’s even worse is when the next hot actor is almost ten years my junior.

Wii Related

I’m suffering from a Wii related injury today. After several high intensity bowling matches, I’ve found myself with a ridiculously sore right shoulder. And it’s not ‘I lifted weights for the first time in weeks’ sore. It’s ‘I just got hit with a ball peen hammer’ sore. I have a knot the size of a golf ball reeking havoc just under my trapezoids.

So how does this make me feel? Old, out of shape, and slightly worthless are the first words that come to mind. I’ve jumped out of moving vehicles, skied off of 20-foot cliffs, and mastered flips into the water from 35+-feet. Yet, Nintendo’s new game console got the better of me. Hmmm. Perhaps I should have stretched.

What’s next? Am I going to strain an abdominal while taking a deuce, or perhaps I’ll pull a hammy while changing the batteries in the smoke detector? At least when I broke my pinky two weeks ago, I was participating in an actual sport.

Bigfoot Mania

Bigfoot hasn’t been this popular since the aptly named Ford Monster Truck ruled the circuit and Harry and the Hendersons hit the big screen. During the last two decades, the man beast has been able to lay low and escape the redneck paparazzi. But just like Britney can’t resist showing the world her coochie, Bigfoot couldn’t keep quiet forever.

Two men claim to have stumbled across a Bigfoot corpse in Georgia and now have it stuffed in a freezer. Let the frenzy begin.

I for one am a little skeptical of the discovery. If Hollywood can convince me that aliens can blow up the white house and that Keanu Reeves can act, a photograph on the web doesn’t cause me to stand to attention. It’s an interesting thought and a potentially ground breaking discovery, but I’m going to need a little more evidence before I start redesigning the evolutionary chart.

Now if you will excuse, I have to tell the genie that came out of this weird lamp that I found my third wish.

Yes, it still hurts.

The more my pinky tries to heal, the more I think I might have broken it. It didn’t help that I went golfing four days after I hurt it. The whole interlocking finger thing, not so fun. Not only do I feel radiating pain as I type at work, but it’s really hampering my Wii playing. How am I supposed to become a Wii champion if I have to play injured all the time? I guess I’ll have to take some inspiration from the Olympics, dig deep and persevere.

I had too much work to do today.

Taking a Step Back - Am I a Flip-Flopper?

Alright, alright, I know that I was waving my freedom of speech flag proudly earlier this week, but I’m waving it a little lower today. A picture surfaced depicting the Spanish basketball team posing for a photo prior to the Olympics. All of the players appear to be using their fingers to slant their eyes. Ouch. This one was destined to piss people off. Even worse, the picture was taken to appear in a local advertisement.

In the Snickers ad I talked about earlier in the week, I couldn’t find enough cause for people to misinterpret the humor. In this incident surrounding the Spanish basketball team, I can’t find a reason the ad would be funny. Perhaps I’ve merely found myself on the other side of the fence, which I’m more than willing to admit. In comparison, I saw the Snickers ad as saying “be a man,” not “don’t be gay.” The Spanish team picture says “we’re going to China where everyone has slanted eyes.” I’m looking for another alternative to the joke but am hard pressed to find it.

I would like some feed back from the gallery, so I can see if this picture could raise a chuckle outside of frat house.

Thanks China.

I would like to thank China for making Americans look like they’re not that bad after all. In the Olympic opening ceremony a young girl sang Ode to the Motherland for the world to hear. Unfortunately for her, she wasn’t good looking enough to actually be seen. The Chinese organizers decided to have a better looking girl lip-sync to the 7-year-old as the Chinese flag entered the arena.

In America, even though we warp young girl’s minds on a daily basis with supermodel ads and commercials, we at least let the ugly ones sing if they wish (that sounds harsh – it’s supposed to be funny). We’ve proved our ability to care about the inept by making America’s Got Talent the number one show of the summer.

So thanks China for making us look better. Thank you America for giving the ugly and talentless a stage to perform on. And let’s also give thanks to the Internet for giving me a platform to bash on everyone else, so I can feel better about my pathetic life. Applause all around.

A response to Amber's question about phobias.

As a child it’s easy to think you’re invincible. Your body is growing at an amazing rate, your bone’s seem to be more cartilage than calcium, and every joint can be torqued into circus-like freak show positions. All of this can happen without leaving a mark. It’s like being your very own Stretch Armstrong doll on a daily basis. But as you get older you start to realize that the magical world in which you live can also bite back. That’s when you start developing a sense of fear.

Babies aren’t scared because they haven’t felt the consequences. Toddlers aren't afraid because they don’t know the truth. Teenagers leap before they look because they’re still just too stupid. I’m mean really, we’ve all been there. We should have known better. In fact, we probably did know better. We just figured we could overcome it. But the older you get, the more you know, and with knowledge comes fear.

Cancer, aneurisms, malpractices, and just plain bad luck can strike at any moment. Hell, even spontaneous combustion becomes an immanent possibility by the time you reach 25 years of age. Knowledge is the catalyst for our phobias. You realize that mom and dad can’t protect you anymore, bad things happen to good people, and sometimes life just goes south for the winter. There’s no magic wand or fairy dust that can put you back together again, Humpty Dumpty didn’t just fall off the wall, he actually became a vegetable omelet. And when it’s over, it’s over. But remembering the moment of this realization is a different story. For some, knowledge came gradually. For others, it came all at once.

For me, it's been a combination of concussions, family deaths, and my wife entering into oncology; those stories are depressing. Oh well. That's the spice of life. One day you're here, and the next day your not.

Mr. T. Feels Bad

Mr. T. said that he didn’t want to offend anyone with his recent Snickers ads. He reiterated that they weren’t meant to be malicious by any means. He understands Snickers position on pulling the TV and radio spots and hopes the public realizes they were only meant to be funny.

Afterwards I tracked him down and threw some Snickers at his face for being a wuss and expressing his feelings. Real men don’t have feelings Mr. T. Get some nuts!

This is Fun!

Like I mentioned before, I’m keeping modest tabs on the Olympics this year, but the men’s 400-meter freestyle relay got me off the couch and chanting U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A. Not only did we get to witness a miraculous finish, but the French added fuel to the fire by talking smack all week long. They put on the daddy pants, but forgot the belt. Now they’re left standing on the podium in second place and exposed. And my modest tabs became full-fledged hype.

If you haven’t had the opportunity to watch the event, do so. It’s a lot of fun even if you know the outcome. And if you still don’t care about the Olympics afterwards, then pack up and move to Canada because we don’t need ya. This is what the Olympics are all about. Go U.S.A!

400-Meter Freestyle Relay

Go U.S.A.

The Olympics have officially started, but I’m hard pressed in finding someone who cares. I plan on keeping tabs, but I’m amazed at how many people disregard the competition all together.

Get Some Nuts

The new Snickers campaign pits Mr. T against numerous Nancy-boy types. He’s armed with Snickers bars and the slogan “Get Some Nuts.” Basically it all boils down to acting like a man. Don’t speed-walk in short shorts, don’t do yoga, don’t cry at movies, and all of that jazz. Of course, the gay rights activists have started a feeding frenzy. To this I say “give it a rest.”

Yes, I know you have a plight. There are people out there that don’t agree with the lifestyle or its moral implications. Those are real issues. These ads aren’t. The bottom line is that there are many straight men that do all of these things to. The ad isn’t saying “don’t be gay.” It is saying “act like a man.” It’s playing off the stereotypes of how men used to act. It’s doing the same thing the Old Spice commercials do.

I don’t like the direction political correctness censorship is heading. There’s a reason a lot of stand up comics use this type of material in their jokes; it’s funny. It’s not malicious. It’s not vindictive. It’s humor. I’m a man’s man from Montana, but I’m also a little metrosexual. Should I be pissed off to? No one is defined by one thing, and we should be allowed to poke fun at our differences.

The end of the world…in reverse.

I don’t know if anybody has noticed, but gas has slowly dropped back down to under $4 a gallon. That’s right, every station I pass lists regular unleaded at $3.97 or lower. Where’s the hoopla now? Everyone freaked out when it broke the elusive $4 a gallon barrier on its way up, but not a peep was made when it came back down. I’m not saying that the world’s problems are solved, but at least the prices are heading in the right direction.

My Left (normal) Pinky

My Right (jammed) Pinky

Bottom of the Ninth

As it turns out, I’m both as cool as I thought and not as cool as I thought. This weekend I participated in a friendly home run derby amongst friends. I took it upon myself to urge everyone to sacrifice their bodies by diving for catches and leaving it all out on the field. When I realized that no one was going to dare to be amazing, I took the bull by the horns and laid out to make a catch. My superman impression paid off as I caught the ball in shallow center field. The impact, however, was more intense than expected.

My initial sliding form was good. I kept my left arm extended as I glided across the grass on my chest. Then my right hand hung up, rolling me over. At first I thought I was fine, but it wasn’t long until a throbbing pain started radiating through my right pinky. I don’t think it’s broken, but it’s easily the worst jammed finger I’ve ever experienced. My pinky is twice the size of its left hand counterpart. The skin is so tight that it’s grotesquely bulging at every knuckle.

Kudos me, for making a miraculous catch. Stupid me, for thinking I still have the skills to pull it off without injury.

Parody?

Exxon Mobile posted second quarter profits of almost 12 billion dollars while General Motors losses widened to over 15 billion dollars. That’s a big swing…