Pass the Popcorn

Paul Blart: Mall Cop makes an unlikely hero out of an overweight security guard in New Jersey. After repeatedly failing the State Trooper physical exam due to his hypoglycemia, Paul Blart finds himself trying to save the girl of his dreams from thugs trying to rob a local mall.

Despite being cheesy and having an unbelievable love interest, Mall Cop was enjoyable. I laughed quite bit, however, it's only fair to mention I was three glasses deep into a bottle of wine. My wife, on the other hand, was sober and laughing right along with me.

If you're in the mood for an innocent good time, Mall Cop should deliver.

**I Love You Man is playing at my local McMenamins, so hopefully I will get to see that one shortly.

Pizza

Now that I'm closer to 30 than I am to 25, I'm finally ready to declare pizza as being my favorite food. Don't get me wrong, I love a good steak, a juicy burger, or a crispy chicken sandwich too, but pizza is good on just about every occasion. It's tasty warm but can be eaten cold. Plus, there's a million different kinds, so you can have variety night after night. So warm it up Kris and jump, jump. I love me some pizza.

WIPEOUT!

The new season of WipeOut debuted last night, and while my wife's guilty TV pleasure is endless crappy reality TV, I tend to gravitate towards the 'get smacked in the face, hilarious' reality TV. I love this show. Give me 4 beers, my recliner, and the new and improved elimination course, and I will laugh off a days worth of empty calories before the first commercial break.

I know some people find this show mindless (which it is) and a shell of the original MXC (I, however, have grown to like it better), but to them I say, "suck it."

Do yourself a favor, watch this show with zero expectations, laugh, and repeat. It may not make your hair shiny, but it will tighten up the jowl line.

Bedtime Words from my 2-year-old.

Sophia just learned how to say "I love you." Tonight this is what she said.

"I love my daddy." - Awe, how sweet.

"I love my Henry." - Ohh adorable.

"I love my mommy." - So cute.

"I love my lamp. I love my bite." - Okay, so she actually loves everything she sees...

The Road

I'm reading The Road right now. I have about 20 pages left. It's an interesting book where not a lot happens. It's from the author of No Country For Old Men, so you can expect a similar pacing with a similar non-ending.

Regardless, I came across the trailer for the theatrical version that will be released this fall. It's almost how I expected it to look. I envisioned more falling ash, but I'll give it a try anyway.

My buddy had a tick attach itself to his penis! That freaks me out man.

Holy Crap!

I just realized that Josh Brolin played the leading man (teenager) in the Goonies. I used to watch the hell out of that VHS, but until I read this 'where are they now' blurb, I didn't connect the dots. Crazy. Check out the link.

Baggo! (also known as cornhole to some)

The best backyard game I've ever played. It's like horseshoes but requires less space and less skill. I was a staggering 15-0 this weekend until my wife finally took me off my pedestal, handing me 3 straight losses. But I'm not backing down. Next weekend I will strike back with the ferociousness of a lemur.

You can find versions of this game anywhere from $50 - $125 depending on where you're shopping.

Pass the Popcorn

Role Models - Yeah, it came out awhile ago, but I'm just now being able to watch movies again thanks to the little one sleeping more now.

It's a comedy about two wayward energy drink brand ambassadors who are forced to complete community service after a less than believable traffic violation. All in all, Role Models is nothing too groundbreaking but it didn't suck either. I'd say it's a solid choice if you feel like a seeing a couple boobs and hearing a handful of F-bombs with your jokes.

The Red Box outside of many McDonalds is awesome. Movies for a dollar can't be beat!

Pass The Popcorn

Taken is a story about a father who quits his job as a government enforcer to be closer to his daughter only to have her kidnapped by human traffickers. It's also full of more holes than the bad guys that get popped in the movie.

Beyond a fun premis predicated on ruthless revenge (one of my favorites), this movie lacks anything that resembles a cohisive script. It has great ass-kicking second act, but the movie as a whole sucked.

Jon and Kate Plus 8 annoy me. The wife is demanding, the husband is a pushover, and I have to listen to enough whinny kids without having to watch it on TV too.

It's Tenacious D Time...Again?

Has it been long enough since Tenacious D's last album was playing in every dorm room in America for me to start liking it again without being trendy? I'm not sure, but I listened to some of it the other day and I couldn't help but smile.

I think I want to get a Black Crows album.

The American Idol shocker was crazy! And yet, I still don't care. I did notice that bikini girl came back with new boobs, and the new judge tried to show her up by tearing off her clothes at the end of their duet. Crazy! That's about all I tuned in for. I think Steve Martin should have won.

Boo Hoo Jessica Biel

I hate it when celebrities complain about being pretty or not getting roles based off of their looks (a rebuttal to Jessica Biel saying it isn't easy being hot). Hello! That's the industry you're in. It's like me saying that I can't stand my boss not wanting to use my taglines because of how they read. Actors and models are judged on their looks.

Casting directors have particular images in their head they are trying to fill, and it's pretty easy to know what you want and don't want. Take the last voice over I helped cast. Ninety percent of the reels I listened to didn't make it past the first 5 seconds. They didn't fit. End of story. It was nothing against the talent. They just didn't have the right tone. The same thing goes for acting auditions. If the person doesn't have the look you're going for, end of story.

And as far as Jessica Biel is concerned...Try being ugly while breaking into the acting business. I garauntee she would find it a little more disheartening to have to audition of pure talent alone.

Welcome little man!

Congratulations Eric and Amber for successfully creating life. I would like to welcome Patrick Stanley Strahl into the world. A healthy boy just over 20 inches and 8 pounds (if my memory serves me).

Eric will teach you how to dress and recycle. I will teach you how to kill things (like deer, elk, or your wife's dreams of happiness).

Steel Train was the opening act for Ben Folds. They looked like a bunch of douche bags but they had some fun music. Check em out.

Ben Folds was great. He's so far gone on the normal train that he actually turned pimp daddy cool. Anytime you have a song that reflects on your nut sack, you're going somewhere.

The Roseland Theater is a great venue - I recommend getting seats in the balcony. They have drink service and you have a better view of the stage.

All in all, it made for a good outing with the Mrs.

Finally, the weekend has arrived in conjunction with good weather. Unfortunately my wife works both days, so I won't have free reign of the sunshine. But the kiddos and I will find something fun to do.

I hate being lied to.

In my never ending battle to put used tires on my truck, I stumbled across a small shop that deals in exactly that. Two weeks ago I asked the guy how much a certain set of wheels were to which he replies, "$250, installed." Since I didn't have my truck, I told him that I would have to come back.

Today, the price miraculously jumped to $280. When I told him that's not what they were the last time I came in and that's also not what they are listed at on his craigslist ad, he simply told me I was wrong. To which my reply was, "I don't like being lied to. Thanks but no thanks. I will not be coming back here."

I don't even really care about the $30. I just can't stand it when people try to take advantage of or lie to me. I have no patience for it.

Big Red Pimp'n

I took my daughter to see Sesame Street Live last weekend. Even though they call it Sesame Street Live, it's really all about Elmo. He's like Axl Rose for 3-year-olds.

After a 15- minute introduction of all of the other characters, the place went dark. Big Bird said, "Oh man, who are we missing?"

The crowd erupted, "ELMO!"

The spotlight tracked to center stage and out came the man of the hour. Screams echoed throughout as Elmo's furry ass started dancing around. I couldn't help but notice a hint of disdain in the rest of the characters.

I can just see them all going out for drinks afterward. Elmo's got two furry babes on each arm, slamming back Dos Equis while Grover and the gang play second fiddle. Kermit said that it ain't easy being green. But I can't help but think that you can have any bed when you're red.

I mean really, what do you do after you've played Elmo on the big stage. There's nothing more you can accomplish in the land of Muppets. My best guess is that you're forced to move on to actual musicals. That is of course, unless a jealous Muppet doesn't off you first because he wants your gig.

It's a dangerous world no doubt. I can see it now. It's like Showgirls but with better acting and no waxing.

Bad Boys, What you gonna do...

I was going to buy some tires off a guy on craigslist yesterday. I called him up and arranged to get them today. Instead of getting exactly what I was looking for, however, I got a visit from the police.

Apparently right after I got off the phone with the guy, someone stole the tires out of his backyard. Naturally, since I was the last one he talked to, I was the first one the cops looked into.

Imagine my surprise when a uniformed detective knocked on my door looking for some BFGs. Since I'm a fan of CSI and just about every other crime show, I was all about helping out. Unfortunately, all he wanted to do was cross me off the list. I guess my white picket fence, American flag, and manicured lawn didn't scream criminal mind to him. I guess I won't be solving any mysteries today, after all.

The worst part is that now I have to find a different set of tires.

The Matrix is still one of the best movies for it's genre. It's too bad the other two totally sucked. The Wachowski brothers got ahead of themselves instead of simply using 'just enough' like they did in the first one.

Funny

I was searching for voiceover talent online today, which can be a like looking in your fridge 10 times a minute and hoping to see food that wasn't there 6 seconds ago. I started skipping through sections of the clips when I heard, " you can do it an airplane."

I laughed. It was funny.

Rock'n Roll

When we're getting ready to go in the morning, my daughter says, "let's rock'n roll, daddy." I didn't realize that's what I said before we left every day until she started asking me if we're going to rock'n roll.

Now she points to Henry and says, "baby's car seat. Let's rock'n roll."

Call it what you want to call it.

Whether you call it Cornhole or Baggo, it's still one of the funnest backyard games I've played. It's a mixture of horseshoes and that beanbag tic tac toe game you played as a kid. The best part about it is that you don't need a ton of space, it has a small learning curve, and there's virtually no skill involved. I smell BBQ drinking game.

You can get the Target version for $50 and it's well worth the price. Two players or four, Baggo is the way to have fun in the backyard.

Baby Names

Right after we named Sophia I started seeing that name pop up everywhere. While researching names I didn't see it in the top 10 of any list. After merely a year and a half, it ranks number seven on SSA name registry and number four on other sites.

Likewise, when we named our son Henry four months ago, I didn't know a single kid with that name. Since, I've met three people who have named their son Henry and another one on the way. It still hasn't broken through the top ten, but I can only wonder how long it will take.

Now I don't know if I'm simply a trend setter or an early adapter. Perhaps I'm just a douche bag for thinking about it.

The Sprite Commercial is Creepy

What's the deal with the Sprite commercial where the dudes are drinking soda on a scorching day then out of nowhere start jumping into each other and turning into water? I get the reference, but why do all of the other dudes start bathing in their newly liquefied friends?

If my buddy ran across some pavement, jumped into some random dude, and turned into liquid, I wouldn't run through his watery remains. I wouldn't soak in what's left of some dude like it's a refreshing cure for a heat wave. That's just weird. And this commercial is on all of the time.

Quit freaking me out, Sprite. Where do these people go? Is it like Logan's Run where they think they are traveling to an alternate universe but really, they're just dying?

As much as I don't like seeing the Rockets win, I love watching the Lakers lose. Which is weird because I used to be a fan. I guess I can say I have completely stripped away my fanhood of the purple and gold. Luckily I didn't hurt my ankles jumping off that band wagon.

You know you're getting old when you don't get to buy tickets to the game because your wife already bought tickets to see "Sesame Street Live" with the kids. Yes! I love Elmo.

1 and 2 and 3 and 4

I've recently re-entered to world of working out. I know, it seems like I do that about once every two months. But it's surprising how much time your kids will actually suck out of your life. I went into father thinking, "I guess i'll just cut my workout down to 3 a week." Now I'm happen to make to the gym once a week.

I could get there more, but there's not one close to my house. On top of that, I feel bad getting my sweat on after work while my wife sits at home with the little ones.

On to the point. To kick off my latest stint of exercising, the wife and I started doing Comcast On Demand's fitness TV. At first, I thought it was going to strip me of my masculinity. And it very well might be. But it's also kicking my ass. I don't care what anybody says, a half hour mixture of aerobics, yoga, and pilates is hard. (a) I'm not flexible. (b) It's nonstop. (c) I'm really not flexible.

Who knows how long this kick will last. But as long as it does, you'll be seeing my whooped butt walking with a limp.

The Celtics vs. Bulls series has been one of the best series of all time. I haven't been able to watch all of the games, but as a sports fan, I can't deny the competitive intensity of every game. Even the one where the Celtics blew out the Bulls was crazy because it was completely unexpected.

Really Happened

At the park during my lunch break shooting hoops with a co-worker, I notice a homeless man pull out a driver and sack of golf balls.

Lucas - Well that doesn't look entirely safe.

The homeless man shanks one about 20-feet ahead of him.

Lucas - Maybe if he keeps hitting like that it is. But this is a park, not a driving man.

The homeless man gets a hold of the next one. twenty, 50, 100 yards in the air.

Homeless man - Four. Four. Four!!

I look up to see the ball drop right infront another homeless man that's crossing the park.

Lucas - Holy crap.

The second homeless man methodically marches his way the 100-yards to the would-be golfer.

Homeless man #2 - What the f**k are you thinking. You better get the hell out of this park before I take that club and shove it up your a**. I'm gonna rip off your bear. Why do yo have a beard, you dumb a**. I'm gonna rip it off right after I wrap that club around your head.

Homeless man 1 just stands there.

Lucas - I really hope I don't have to break up a fight between two homeless guys. I don't want to get cut.

Homeless man #2 - You got 30 seconds to leave before I rip you head off. One, two, three, four.

Of course he stops at four. Who really wants to count to 30 outloud. It just seems excessive. I only give my daughter until 5 because I definitely don't want to count the 30 outloud.

Homeless man #1 packs up hit clubs and balls and walks off. Homeless man #2 looks over at my co-worker and I and makes a succession of what might have been whoops and hollers. He's got the crazy eyes.

Lucas - I really don't want to have to kick a homeless guy's ass today.

R.I.P. Rip City. Until next year.

There's no scoring in soccer

I spent last night at the Portland Timber’s home opener. We got box seats through my company, which as it turns out, are a hell of a lot of fun. We were able to bring both kids and not worry about them going crazy all up in other people’s Kool Aide.

As for the Timbers, they had a rough first half but played much better in the second. And of course because it’s soccer, it still ended in a tie. All in all, we had a great time and look forward to doing it again. Goooooaaaaaal.