Jackassalope

Really Happened

At the park during my lunch break shooting hoops with a co-worker, I notice a homeless man pull out a driver and sack of golf balls.

Lucas - Well that doesn't look entirely safe.

The homeless man shanks one about 20-feet ahead of him.

Lucas - Maybe if he keeps hitting like that it is. But this is a park, not a driving man.

The homeless man gets a hold of the next one. twenty, 50, 100 yards in the air.

Homeless man - Four. Four. Four!!

I look up to see the ball drop right infront another homeless man that's crossing the park.

Lucas - Holy crap.

The second homeless man methodically marches his way the 100-yards to the would-be golfer.

Homeless man #2 - What the f**k are you thinking. You better get the hell out of this park before I take that club and shove it up your a**. I'm gonna rip off your bear. Why do yo have a beard, you dumb a**. I'm gonna rip it off right after I wrap that club around your head.

Homeless man 1 just stands there.

Lucas - I really hope I don't have to break up a fight between two homeless guys. I don't want to get cut.

Homeless man #2 - You got 30 seconds to leave before I rip you head off. One, two, three, four.

Of course he stops at four. Who really wants to count to 30 outloud. It just seems excessive. I only give my daughter until 5 because I definitely don't want to count the 30 outloud.

Homeless man #1 packs up hit clubs and balls and walks off. Homeless man #2 looks over at my co-worker and I and makes a succession of what might have been whoops and hollers. He's got the crazy eyes.

Lucas - I really don't want to have to kick a homeless guy's ass today.