Jackassalope

Obama Gets Paid

Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize for... making a good speech. Yeah, it was inspiring and all. And sure, if half the stuff he promised gets accomplished, it would be pretty cool. I just thought that winning the Peace Prize meant you've actually accomplished something. Don't get me wrong. I know he's trying, but my daughter is also trying to draw faces. That doesn't mean her faces still don't look like jacked-up amoebas with one eye.

All I'm saying is if you want to give the guy an award, let's wait a year. Then if all his efforts start paying off, you can give him all of the metals you want. Because anybody can stand up in front of a mic and spout world peace and denuclearization. Hell, the homeless guy outside my office does it every day.

By these standards this could easily be tomorrow's sports page headline: After a rousing pregame speech by Derek Jeter, MLB decides to crown Yankees World Series Champs before game two even starts.