Jackassalope

Dare Dolphins

Two dolphins collided during a jumping stunt over the weekend, killing one and injuring the other. We all know that when a dolphin lives the life of a SeaWorld performer, it’s like playing Russian roulette. Every trick comes with risk. But after the recent death of a 30-year-old dolphin named Sharky, you have to ask yourself, “Was this an accident or the only way out?”

SeaWorld spokesperson, Becca Bides, says this was a very rare and unfortunate incident, but does it go deeper than that? I’m just wondering if after years of service, maybe Sharky couldn't take it anymore. The entertainment industry puts a lot of pressure on its stars, and sometimes they can’t cope. I’m sure the second dolphin was reluctant at first, but it’s hard to ignore Sharky’s convincing charm. One last stunt, in front of one last crowd, that’s how Sharky wanted to go. If he was never going to experience the open ocean again, then he would rather be swimming in the wild blue yonder.

It’s a sad day when dolphins start entering into suicide packs, but even animals have their limits. This phenomenon also comes in the form of suicide by cops. Some animals will attack their trainers, knowing the only way out is by animal control’s sweet retribution. Sharky, I feel your pain as I type in my cubicle. Your free spirit will be remembered.