Jackassalope

Crime and Punishment

Finally justice has been served. The creator of ‘N SYNC and the Backstreet Boys has been sentenced to 25-years in prison. Lou Pearlman will say Bye, Bye, Bye (I know, it’s cheesy) to his freedom after stealing nearly $300 million from investors since the early 80s. He is yet, however, to be sentenced for exposing the world to extreme levels of “Boy Bands” dating back to the mid 90s; a crime far more severe in my mind. Synchronized dancing quintets will morn the loss of Pearlman as their dreams of singing in front of droves of screaming tweens will be put on hold. Fortunately, the “Boy Band” era isn’t due to make a comeback until Pearlman is eligible to be released on good behavior.

We all know how bad pedophiles and rapist get treated in the joint, and we can only assume that Pearlman will be dealt with more aggressively. His only hope is to work his magic (if there’s any left) and get the gangs on his side. Due out late next summer will be the hit single “I shivved him that way” by ‘N CLINK.