Jackassalope

Overwhelming Underachievement

A blind bowler scored a perfect 300 in Iowa last weekend. The 78-year-old man has an average of 188 despite the fact he can’t see the lanes. There was also a recent ruling that a double-legged amputee won’t be allowed to compete against “able-bodied” runners in this summer’s Olympic Games. His prosthetics may or may not give him an advantage, but the fact of the matter is that he’s fast enough to compete. Not only are these two cases amazing underdog stories, but they also give me an overwhelming sense of underachievement. There’s nothing like a story about someone rising up against all odds to make you feel like you’re failing in life. So I would like to say “thank you” to all of privileged people out there that are achieving their mediocre goals. You’re averageness allows me to keep my sanity. Of course, if an armless baseball player pitches a no-hitter in the Major Leagues, I just might have to kill myself.