Pear Blossom

In my infinite wisdom, I have decided to run the Pear Blossom 5k this weekend with my wife. In my earlier years, I would scoffed at the idea of this being a challenge. But since my knees went to shit on me, running has become part of the past.

Regardless, I dusted off the old running shoes last night and ran a mile... one solitary mile to see how I would feel. My body got angry at me. I was way more tired than I had expected to be, and my knee is already little sore today.

So there it is. This is what I've become - a whiner, a complainer, a man full of excuses. My plan now revolves around ibuprofen, ice, and pure stubbornness. I will run one more mile tonight just to give my lungs a shock and then wait till Saturday.

Everything in me is saying that I should take it easy and run at my wife's pace - finish the race and get on with my life. But I will not. This weekend has become my Little Big Horn but it will not be my last stand.

The Decemberists: The King is Dead

I'm digging the new Decemberists album - The King is Dead. It's got a little more of a folk hit than their last disc.

Situation Under Control

A Comcast representative read my blog post, which didn't speak too kindly of the company and how felt I was being treated. They contacted me and rectified the situation. Thank you, Comcast. I appreciate it.

Now that's the power of social media.

Sucker Punch - Probably for Suckers.

I'm intrigued by Sucker Punch on two levels. First, the graphic elements look like they have promise. Of course, I thought the same thing about Max Payne. Granted, Payne was cool to look at, but the movie sucked. The same thing might happen here.

Secondly, when you have this many hot chicks running around with guns, it really should be rated R. I'm mean seriously, it screams, "show me some skin." And for that reason alone, I will probably skip it.

Comcast Sucks

I finally gave Comcast the finger. After 3 years of paying way too much for crappy cable, I quit Comcast.

All I wanted to do was downgrade my service because I was sick of my OnDemand not working. But when I called Comcast, they told me that they wouldn't downgrade my service without charging me $150 for breaking my contract. Really?

So instead of holding on to me as a customer, which would have equated to roughly $90 a month for the next two years ($2,160), they decided they would rather have $150 once. Good business decision, Comcast.

The best part is that the lady on the phone tried to tell me that the $150 they were charging me for HD TV, Internet, and phone (which no one uses) was a very competitive price. News flash, Comcast; I am now getting more HD channels with DirectTV and Internet for under $80 a month.

I can't remember the last time I was ever so dissatisfied with a company. The worst part is that if they would have simply let me downgrade my service, I wouldn't have looked for another provider. Instead, I switched and will save that $150 the contract fee cost me in the fist two months.

Thanks for nothing Comcast.

The me that I am not

I think I'm gonna act like a rockstar for a little while - wear dirty clothes, not comb my hair, and grow a half beard. I'm gonna act like I don't care just enough that when I do care it will seem super special and sh#*. See, I'm already doing it.

I'm gonna wear sunglasses on cloudy days and carry a helmet even if I'm not riding a motorcycle. I'm not going to sleep around, but if you saw me on the street, you'd be like, "that dude is totally bangin' chicks."

I'll have a personal soundtrack that plays in my head 24/7 - 7/52. It will be sexier than Saturday Night Fever, more real than Boogie Nights, and as badass as any Bond movie you've ever seen.

I will be the epitome of me - the person I was never cool enough to become. Yep, that's my plan for this week. It's gonna rock.

The Cold Hard Truth.

I was supposed to get a raise for staying in Portland. Instead I got rain... So I guess the question is how do I turn water into wealth. Hmmmmmm.

Upon second thought, I don't think there is even a question; only an answer. God is punishing me for my decision and the entire city is merely collateral damage. Sorry, PDX.

Charlie Sheen - Winning

Charlie Sheen is already old news, but these kids do a good job making great songs every time a weirdo speaks.

The Letdown

Duke killed me again. I've picked them to win the NCAA Tournament 2 out of the last 3 years. I bet you can't guess which year I didn't pick them to win. Ding, ding, ding. Your right; last year. I now consider myself the ultimate jinx.

It's been awhile since I've seen a team completely fall apart in the second half like that. I'm not taking anything away from Arizona. They played lights out. But Duke surprised me. For a team that's coached so well, they actually looked like the game was bigger than them.

Oh well, there's always next year.

A Man's City Truck

I was in need of some new wheels, but since I work in the city, I couldn't go too Montanan. So I settled for a Chevy Colorado - the little big truck. It's supposed to get 20 mpg but still have some get up and go. We shall see.

Chad Johnson and the MLS

The Bengals' Chad Johnson (Ochocinco) is trying out for a professional soccer team. I think it's hilarious how a lot of professional athletes assume they can cut it in another professional sport just because they played in high school.

I have no doubts that Chad is better than your average soccer player, but these guys play the sport for a living. No matter how good he was at 18, I have hard time believing he can simply pick it back up on the professional level.

Of course, with the NFL lockout, it never hurts to start looking for other means of getting paid.

Pass the Popcorn: 127 Hours

This is the true story of a backpacker who gets pinned behind a boulder in Utah while hiking. After 127 hours, (Spoiler Alert) he cuts his arm off to escape. And if you didn't know that already, you've probably also been living under a rock.

James Franco does a great job portraying the various stages of delirium a person would go through in that situation. The move does a good job setting the scene and doesn't stray too far from the truth. If you like the movie, then I recommend searching out the 2-hour Dateline special that aired a month ago. It's just as gripping.

New Puma Ads = Good

Proof that money is the root of all evil

Kim Kardashian just made released an album. So far in life, she has proven that she can't act and can't sing. I'm still wondering what she can do. Oh, to have a trust fund.

If the Oscar movie posters told the truth...

Here are movie posters for the 10 Oscar nominated films displaying titles that don't beat around the bush. Click here to see the rest

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Oscar Party Glory

Move over, Los Angeles Lakers. I'm the new back-to-back champion of the world...for Oscar picks. I took home the trophy (at my yearly Oscar party) last night with 19 correct selections - my best performance to date.

Oddly, I did zero research this year. I usually see what all of the experts have to say, and it just screws me up. This time, I watched most of the movies, made some gut picks, and called it a day.

Boom! This is both the proudest and most pathetic I've felt in awhile.

The Hangover 2 - Teaser

As far as trailers are concerned, it's a little disappointing. It shows both too much and too little at the same time. Make up your mind, trailer editor.

Bachelor Weekend

I'm heading out of town for my first Bachelor Party weekend experience. It's not in Sin City. It's in Lincoln City. That's when you know you and your friends are getting older. The venues for your debauchery start reflecting the level of debauchery that probably won't be taking place.

And while my craziest days are far behind me, I fear most of my friends can't make that claim. I don't know if I have it in me to keep up with them. Moreover, I don't know if I want to even try.

Regardless, it should be fun. I would love to say that there will be pics coming, but I don't that would be a good idea.

Major Flub

It hasn't been determined whether or not Serene Branson had a stroke or just a meltdown. Regardless, I will think it's funny until it's proven medical.

Pass the Popcorn

Repo Men - Jude Law and Forest Whitaker are the repo men of the future. But instead of reclaiming your car for late payments, they will cut out the artificial organs keeping you alive. This movie largely sucked. I did love the ending, even though it, too, could have been stronger. It's not worth the time invested, unless you like graphic violence, a thin plot, and characters who don't actually go through a complete emotional transformation.

The American - George Clooney eludes me. I would say he's a good actor, but it seems like he only plays himself. The American follows an assassin as he hides out before doing one last job. His secluded surroundings are supposed to trigger some philosophical change inside him. Instead, there's just a lot of quiet retrospective scenes. The acting is good but nothing really happens. The only thing I took from the movie is that Violante Placido has near perfect breasts.


HBO's Reagan - This was a great look at one of the country's most beloved presidents. I like it's impartial take on what made Reagan both a good and bad president. It left me wanting to learn more. It also solidified my thoughts on what the president is...a person; someone who has to make difficult and trying decisions. Some of them work and some don't. And the best we can hope for is that he's making them with our nation's best interest at heart.

Aweful

I don't know if there's ever been a more depressing team in sports than the Cleveland Cavaliers. The Lions were close a couple of years ago. But really, the Cavs were on top of the food chain when they had LeBron. They didn't win it all, but they consistently won 60+ games a year. They sold out arenas. People took notice. Now, they are breaking the record for the most consecutive losses every time they get on the court.

Not only does this make the case that LeBron was the ultimate MVP, but it goes to show how much that city needed him. Don't get me wrong, I don't like the man. But when a team literally goes from consistently first (more or less) to the worst of the worst, you can't help but reason why.

What makes it even more depressing is that they tried to keep him. They tried to make their team better. They tried to sign more talent. They tried not to suck. But he left and they do. If I were a Cleveland fan, I would be bitter. I don't know if I've ever seen a collapse of this magnitude from one season to the next. Sure, the Blazers lost Oden before he had time to shine, but at least the fans didn't get a taste of the nectar before the flower died.

Full Circle

There are moments in life that determine who we will become. Moreover, there are moments that solidfiy what we will never be. Sometimes, they are one in the same.

Commercial Art

Like the rest of the blog-o-sphere I, too, have an opinion on this year's crop of Super Bowl Ads. I will keep my thoughts short and sweet.

Winners:
VW: Both the Darth Vader spot and the new Beetle spot were great. The Darth ad was cute, inexpensive to make, and shows that a grand idea doesn't always need a grand budget. The Beetle ad was fast, fun, and a great teaser at what's to come for the car brand.





Chrysler: While the Imported from Detroit ad was emotional and epic, I can't help but feel like most people aren't going to remember it as Chrysler's. But the execution was strong enough to earn top marks in my mind.



Runner Up - Groupon for making fun of Tibet. But they should have said, "Tibet isn't free. Either is their food. But with Groupon I can at least get it for half price." 

Losers:
Doritos: Despite some funny ideas, I really think Doritos fell short on all of its spots. Either the production value lacked or the jokes were too thin to really make them epic enough for the Super Bowl. Yes, the dude sucking his co-worker's thumb caught me off guard, but I was completely let down by the follow-up pant smelling gag. And the pug jumping through the door could have been 25 seconds shorter.

Sketchers: Could an ad try any harder to be sexual without hitting the mark. Kim Kardashian's monotone delivery completely negated her sexiness. Some people shouldn't have lines, plain and simple. Fortunately for her, she can share the blame with the lifeless script.

Dream Death Match

I had a dream last night that I got in a knife fight, and there was no defense to be had. Me and this dude stabbed each other like 100 times. It hurt. Then I woke up.

Coming in Second?

Who doesn't love winning? I'll tell ya who, those who don't. No one loves a dynasty, a know-it-all, a cold-stone winner. It puts a target on your back. It labels you. It traps you in an ivory tower. I like winning as much as the next guy, but I'm slowly learning the art of losing.

Don't get me wrong; I can't win whenever I want to. But that's not the trick. The trick is winning only when you want to. You see, there's a simple beauty in the hustle. If they're always suprised when you come out on top, you've got 'em. Because you determine the emotional investment.

It's maintaining the balance that's hard.

Tsovet SVT-FW44 Field Watch

This watch is sweet. It has a classic appeal that's both manly and sleek. It's an accessory that will stand out in your Agency's war room or, quite literally, the war room. Boom! have some.

Fast is Fast...

Your move, Adidas.

Pass the Popcorn: Black Swan

Darren Aronofsky uses his raw style to deliver another gripping story of a damaged soul trying to cope with their demons. Black Swan starts off a little slow, but by the end, you are neck deep in psychosomatics and spinning camera movements.

It's uncomfortable, disturbing, and erotic. Natalie Portman's performance is not for the faint of heart and will, no doubt, give her a great opportunity to win the Oscar. If you're a fan of Requiem for a Dream and the Wrestler, you should see this movie.

Money for Nothing.

I heard Dire Straits' Money for Nothing today. That song is awesome. Seriously, I want my MTV; you don't get a better product placement than that. Remember when MTV was actually cool enough to write a song about - back when the video killed the radio star.Those were the days.

I'm surprised no body has written "Pandora murdered the VJ" yet. Music videos like we grew up watching are all but dead, and I blame MTV. Nowadays, MTV thrives off of horrible reality shows and God knows what else. They left the music by the wayside. It makes my heart cry a little.

Hi-Tec Low Temps

Trout Creek is a small Montana town at the southern tip of the Kootenai National Forest. It’s a stone’s throw from Idaho and a hop, skip, and a jump from Canada. Its relatively low elevation provides a wet climate that still sees freezing temperatures throughout the winter, which is why it was the perfect place to test out my new Hi-Tec Jackson Hole 400 boots and Black Jack Parka.

The Walk About:

My gear’s first task was the walk about - general use in snowy, wet conditions. The temperatures hovered around 30-degrees Fahrenheit while the sun rested behind thick clouds. I laced up my Jackson Hole boots over a pair of thin, wool-blend socks. The combination allowed me to be comfortable inside the house and hopefully, warm once I ventured out.

The Black Jack Parka’s 3K/3K Dri-Tec shell is waterproof and seam sealed, so I wasn’t worried about the wet snow that covered the ground. Its 100-gram Mycro-Tec insulation, however, gives the coat a thin feel, so my main concern was how it would handle the cold mountain temperatures.

Jackson Hole 400

The Boots: I trekked through the snow for several hours, stopping long enough for my body heat to stabilize and to give the Montana air a chance to penetrate my gear. Although the leather part of the Jackson Hole’s upper appeared wet, my feet stayed warm and dry. The 400-gram Thinsulate performed as advertised while the Thermo-Dri waterproof construction kept the moisture out.

What I noticed even more than the waterproofing was the comfort of the CMEVA midsole and siped rubber outsole. Unlike my old pair of Danners, I could feel substantial rebound and cushion in the CMEVA. I don’t know what a lengthy trial would deduce, but in the short term, I was very pleased with the boot’s comfort and responsiveness.

Black Jack Parka

The Parka: The Black Jack Parka provided a similar result. The Dri-Tec nylon shell blocked the wind gusts and repelled the water and snow that fell from the trees. While the coat has a thin feel, the Mycro-Tec insulation combined with a cotton sweater kept me plenty warm. And if I chose to forgo the layers, and the lightweight, waterproof construction should also perform well in the warmer, wetter climate of Portland, Oregon.

Day one’s results were good. While I didn’t push the product to the limits, I was pleased with how it performed in normal weather conditions. But I wanted to see more.

Ice Fishing:

My gear’s second task took me to a frozen inlet on the Clark Fork Reservoir for a day of hooking perch, trout, and pike. I knew ice fishing would create a unique challenge for the product since it involves packing gear into a location and then sitting for the rest of the day, exposed to the elements.

My boots handled the ice, water, and snow with ease.

The Boots: I wore a thicker wool blend sock to combat standing on a sheet of ice all day. I was a little worried that the thick socks would be too snug in the boot since the thin wool socks fit so well. Once again, I was pleasantly surprised. My feet were comfortable all day. The wicking properties of the wool combined with the Comfort-Tec sockliner kept my feet from feeling clammy during my hike into the lake while the insulation kept the warmth in as the hours ticked by.

4" - 6" of wet snow fell while we were on the lake.

The Parka: I wore a light cotton sweater under the Black Jack Parka so I wouldn’t overheat on the trip down to the lake. The parka had plenty of insulation to keep me warm while I trudged through the snow. After setting up and drilling some holes in the ice, I added a fleece layer under the parka to keep the cold out while I fished. The Black Jack Parka’s midweight design is light enough so layering isn’t cumbersome but warm enough to stand on its own in mild conditions.

After a couple of hours on the frozen lake, a wet, heavy snow began to fall. My Hi-Tec boots and parka didn’t disappoint, staying dry during the extended flurries. I have no doubts that Hi-Tec makes a product that can stand up to whatever the average outdoorsman can throw its way. It's a brand on rise and deserves a second look by anyone in the market for new gear.

Kevin Love Gets Creative

It's always hard making the All-Star team when you're from a small market. Just ask Monta Ellis. But Kevin Love is using a little humor the get his message across.

The Leatherman

A Portland staple. I've had my Leatherman for almost 20 years.

Pass the Popcorn: Dinner for Schmucks

The last 30 minutes of Dinner for Schmucks was good. The first hour and half was awful - the kind of awful that just makes you uncomfortable the entire time. Not worth it.

I want to create a magazine that combine GQ and Field and Stream. Basically, it shows you what's cool, not what's preppy. But moreover, it shows you cool stuff that won't drain your checking account. The last article I read in GQ tried to convince me that buying a $50 shirt was living on the cheap. My magazine will show you where to get that shirt for $25. Then it will tell you why it's good for dinner dates and for field dressing a deer.

Yeah, I want that magazine.

Outdoor Retailer

Outdoor Retailer was a great experience, but I never realized how many brands are trying to say the same thing. Currently, the outdoor industry is predicated on being green and taking the aspirational to the tenth degree. It's not a bad message, but it feels like they're talking to themselves instead of to 90% of their consumer base.

It may be because I come from rural America, but most people I know who actually live and play in the outdoors in the outdoors have other concerns. They want a product that works first, looks good second, and make them feel badass. I don't need a boot that can be recycled after it summits the Himalayas. But I do need something that will dominate Forest Park.

Liquid Mountaineering

Turning skeptics into believers. It's what I do.

Outdoor Retailer

Today I spent my first day at Outdoor Retailer. It was hectic, loud, and fun. All of the things a convention should be. I love hearing brands give their spiels and giving one of my own. Of course, the most enjoyable parts of the day are listening to the drunk-ass people at the hotel bar.

I just finished listening to some dude hit on every girl at the bar for an hour. Once he went to the bathroom, I actually felt compelled to tell the female bartender that if he was crossing the line, let me know, and I would gladly step in. That's how ridiculous this dude was being.

All in all, it was an interesting end to a busy day. And now it's time to hit the rack and recoup for tomorrow.

Pass the Popcorn: The Social Network

The Social Network was a good movie. The acting was solid, David Fincher always shines as a director, and the story is timely. But I can't get over how many awards it won. It's good, just not "Best Picture" good.

I'm not 100% sure what I have against it. The only thing I can really put my finger on is the that 3/4 of the way through, I found myself intrigued but bored. The scenes were still strong, but for some reason, I just wanted to get to the end.

So yes, I recommend the movie, just don't vote for it.

Polaris 800 Rush Pro-R

I don't live in a place conducive for sleds, but if I did, this would be on the top of my list. This machine is sweet.

Work Stuff

We got a ton of B-roll footage during some recent athlete photo shoots. This is one of the digital spots that came from it.

Mind Your Music: Sufjan Stevens

I stumbled across the Sufjan Stevens album All Delighted People awhile back, but never really started listening to it until this weekend. It's interesting. It definitely falls into the melancholic indie genre with a aural compass that bounces from folk to symphonic to classic rock. Well at least in the songs I've heard so far. If that's your thing, check him out.

Man Scarf

The silk scarf is a modern day enigma. It's one of the few items that drives fashion but is also a staple for hardcore cowboys. But don't tell a rancher his scarf looks dainty. He's likely to whip you... literally, with a whip.

I remember growing up in Montana; my grandpa, who was as hardcore as they get, would wear a rolled up silk scarf everyday as he was herding cattle and drinking whiskey and such. It always looked badass. My dad, who's a lineman for the power company, continued to tradition.

A rolled up silk scarf provides the perfect amount of warmth around the neck without being too cumbersome. It's great for many different activities in the cold. I still prefer to think of them as being more functional than stylish.

To Come...

I don't have time right now, but I'm excited to write a blog on why I don't like reading. I also want to write a blog on why I am so cool. Finally, I was going to post a pic of a classic-looking dude watch that caught my eye. It has a sturdy, understated nylon band and a simple face. But Donnie beat me to it. You suck, Donnie.

Who's Fake Now?

I just read a review where a guy calls Celtic's guard Marquis Daniels fake and asks "why [he's] rapping about the trap when [he has] mansions and a personal accountant???"

First of all, I'm really glad he used three question marks because I wasn't sure he was asking a real question until I saw the other two question marks. I guess that means he really, really, really wants to know the answer.

Secondly, a rich NBA star rapping about the thug life isn't any different than Jay Z or Lil Wayne rapping about it. Is he telling me they aren't rich??? (I like this question mark thing) Money doesn't dictate story telling. And having money now doesn't mean you've always had it.

And thirdly, I didn't realize a person was only allowed to have one money-making talent (I want to take a moment to say that I've never heard Marquis rap. He could very well suck). Actors become models, athletes become actors, and rappers have guest appearances on ESPN's First Take. Just because we all aren't privy to the life, doesn't mean it's wrong to try to branch out.

I really don't mind when people talk out their asses. Heck, I do it all of the time. But if you're going to say something stupid, you need to accept the fact that someone is going to call you out on it.

I just hope this dude doesn't think that every entertainer has experienced the things they talked or sing about. Steven Spielberg writes movies about aliens and he's never come in contact with them, Eminem sings about killing his mom but she's still alive, and don't even get me started on "My grandma got ran over by a reindeer."

Don't mind if I don't

GQ thinks I should buy a flask just in case I get stuck in a mosh pit or something. I don't necessarily disagree with the theory, but I already have a flask. In fact, I have two or three. Flasks are the go-to gift you get when the giver has no idea what else to get you.

Unfortunately, I can't remember the last time I used it. The problem with a flask is that it always seems cooler than it actually is. They're hard to pour into, drink out of, and don't hold a lot liquor. So they end up sitting in the cupboard for years on end. Of course, I also might be just too boring to need one. Nah...

The Belvedere

A helmet so cool it makes a Ducati look lame... so you better be riding something retro. Either that or be rocking a moped in tweed. Seriously, these helmets are smooth. See more here.

Speak the Truth

Someecards never disappoints.

Montana

I went ice fishing in my free Hi-Tec schwag... Because that's what men do. Ten Perch, one Rainbow Trout, and a giant sucker later, I went home dry and warm. Extended schwag review to come.

Pass the Popcorn

The Expendables: Starring every action movie star from the 80s and 90s. Heck, even Arnold Schwarzenegger and Dolph Lundgren get into the mix. Unfortunately, the movie sucks. Oh well. I watched it for pure nostalgia's sake.

Easy A: A fun comedy about a girl who pretends to be a slut because she's nice! If she were really nice, then she would have actually have been a slut. Aha! Just kidding. Regardless, this was a good one. It's a new spin on the high school comedy, and the entire cast did a great job delivering the punch lines.

The Other Guys: Mark Wahlberg plays his character a little too 'one note' but it holds up as a buddy cop movie. It won't blow your socks off, but it has enough laughs to make it worth your while.

Despicable Me: This was a great kid's movie. It has fun characters and good laughs, but most of all, it never gets too scary for the little ones. We bought it on a whim and are glad we did.

The Kids Are All Right: Annette Bening shines and Julianne Moore takes off her clothes again. The acting is great, but I don't know why it keeps getting Best Picture Oscar buzz.

True Grit: The 1969 original starring John Wayne, Robert Duvall, and Dennis Hopper is a classic, plain and simple.

The Road to Montana

Zip It, Please

The next person from Portland that tries to tell me that I won't be able to drive over the pass on my way to Montana without chains is going to get dropped kicked in the face. Okay, I get it. You didn't grow up in the snow. You never learned how to drive in the snow, so it scares you. I, however, did grow up driving in the snow nearly every day.

I know it's not easy, but that doesn't mean it's not possible. And while we're on the subject...No, Portland snow isn't harder to drive in than any other snow. It's the same. It is user error that makes it more difficult. So please shut up. Thank you.

Let It Burn

After watching "There Will Be Blood," Ewan McGregor burned his SAG card because he knew he could never reach that level as an actor. Every time I  watch a John Wayne movie, I try to burn my man card.

Dear 49ers

You are a hot mess. You've made me largely sad for the last 10 years, yet I still cheer for you. If you were a girlfriend, I would have dumped you. If you were a job, I would have quit you. But you're not. You're a team. You're my team. And so, I will sit and wait for you to change. Please don't take too much longer.

Sincerly,
Pathetic

Any Given Sunday

Is it just me or is Brett Favre's year playing out a lot like Oliver Stone's Any Given Sunday? Well it might not be scene for scene, but he is a legendary quarterback who's struggling to hold onto the limelight. Heck, Favre even got knocked out of the game, opening the door for Tarvaris Jackson.  And even after he was supposed to go on the IR, he was informed they might need him for one last stand. But does Brett have enough left in the tank for one last run, one last game, one last big play?

The best part about it is that Dennis Quaid would be the perfect actor to play Favre late in his career. Not to mention Tarvaris Jackson and Jamie Foxx are both black backup quarterbacks. It's like it was meant to be. Of course, Foxx played the backup roll a bit better than Jackson.

I guess we will have to wait and see what happens.

Top 5 Movies I Want to Re-Watch

The older I get, the busier I get. Here's a list of movies I loved the first time and desperately want to watch again. This list could get pretty big pretty quick. So here's the first five that come to mind.

1. The Departed
2. There Will Be Blood
3. Inception
4. Fight Club
5. Lady in the Water (Just kidding. I hate M. Night Shyamalan. He's a douche).

I'm leaving number 5 open for the best suggestion.

Tales from Adulthood

My daughter jumped in the bed this morning and said, "Dad, don't worry about the rain. I figured it out."

I could tell she was searching her brain for the exact words. Then she cleared her throat and said, "Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day."

She sat back and listened intently. The wind picked up and you could hear the rain start to fall even harder. She smiled slightly and quietly uttered, "Hmmm, I guess it didn't work this time. Oh well, I only learned it from Dora."

Classic Grit

I'm excited for the remake. But no matter how good it is, it can't replace what the Duke did. There's just something about John Wayne that inspires me. Maybe it was his pigeon toed walk or the cranky cowboys he always played. Or it could be the fact that he tossed his real name aside like rag doll because it wasn't manly enough. I'm mean really, who names their son Marion? The fact of the matter is that John Wayne was a man's man who didn't take crap from anybody.

I'd raise a glass of whiskey to the Duke any day of the week. He was more than classic tough. He was cowboy tough. Back when tough didn't mean six pack abs and a shaved chest. Tough was a weathered face and calloused hands. It was being a hero in spite of your faults.

Yogi Bear Meets Jesse James

I saw this YouTube clip on someecards.com. Edmund Earle animated this spoof as an alternate ending for the new Yogi Bear movie. It's a parody of the ending of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.

I had two reactions:
1) I remembered that The Assassination of Jesse James was a very well done movie. It has a methodical pace but definitely worth watching.
2) It made me sad. I thought it was funny but not "ha ha" funny. Just sad funny. I'm not sure how I would have reacted had I not watched the The Assassination of Jesse James. But it's similarities to the movie are impeccable. I have to admit, I'm amazed at the emotion the animator got out of Yogi's eyes before he's done in. It's pretty intense.

I'm interested to see if people were amused or offended.

Still Funny

I know this came out 6 months ago, but I stumbled across it today and it's still funny. Watch the real news footage first. Than watch the remix.

News Footage


Remix

Pass the Popcorn: The Last Airbender

M. Night Shyamalan is an awful director. It thought the main purpose of a director was to get a performance out of an actor that tells the best story. To find the great moments in a script and bring them to life on screen. Shyamalan can't do that.

When he's dealing with inexperienced actors, the performance are always flat and lifeless. He got lucky by having good actors in his first couple of flicks. But since then, he's continued to show us why he can't direct one lame performance after another.

Bottom line: The movie is okay for kids. But if you care about script, storyline, or decent performances, then don't bother.

Good Fortune

Have you ever found $1 on the ground? It's one of the coolest things ever. I swear, no matter how much money I have in my wallet, if I find a dollar on the ground, I feel like I just discovered a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

And it's a dollar, four quarters. I wouldn't even notice if I lost four quarters from my change jar. But if I  find it in the form of a greenback...ahhhhh, it's like the Gods of good fortune are smiling down.

C Cup Please

My wife had sinus surgery this week. Basically, they stuck a tiny drill up her nose and opened it up a little. The two-hour surgery went well. Of course, the first thing she said after waking up on the operating table was, "what size breasts did you give me?"

The doctor laughed as my wife passed back out. She remembers none of it.

Pass the Popcorn: Grown Ups

After their beloved childhood coach passes away, a group of friends reunite for a lame funeral followed by a meandering, obnoxious, and pointless weekend of stupidity. Grown Ups is simply a bunch of comedians collecting a paycheck where the jokes on anybody who actually paid to watch this movie.

Hunting Chronicles

I took this excerpt directly from an email my buddy sent me regarding his last hunting trip.

"Mitch and I went [duck hunting] Saturday. Shot a couple times and had one bird land near our decoys. I told Mitch to shoot it, he turned and said, "let's let it sit there a minute." Then it flew away. No shots fired."

Sometimes hunting is nothing more than watching.

Now Better Tasting!

I was about to make my kids some Hamburger Helper last night when I noticed one of the lamest taglines I've ever seen. In a giant yellow starburst on the box, it said "Now Better Tasting!"

Wow, that doesn't inspire a lot of confidence. I would understand if it said something like "Now with more flavor!" But better tasting? It might as well have said, "Hamburger Helper. Our old stuff tasted like shit."

I think it's just the verbiage "better tasting" that throws me off. It just feels incomplete. Come on, Hamburger Helper, let's step up your game for the next round.

With Age Comes Wisdom...Sexy Wisdom.

As I approach my 30th birthday, a few things have become clear. The most obvious being that it's time to replace my Maxim subscription with GQ. That noise you just heard is my childish sense of humor lamenting the loss of a longtime friend. Of course, my inner suave man welcomes the change. It is quietly nodding and looking cool as we speak.

It's not that I think I'm too mature for Maxim's college humor and single paragraph stories. And I by no means want the cover models to think I don't appreciate their sexy poses. I just have to realize that in order to become cooler than Paul Newman and more interesting than the 'Most Interesting Man in the World', I need to branch out.

I need my half naked models to be surrounded by sensible fashion suggestions as opposed to more half naked models. And instead of learning how to disarm a biker with a pool cue, I need to learn how to master my english on a pool table. It's merely a slight step up commensurate with my age.

Thanks Gmail...

Gmail let me know that someone in China might have accessed my email. Of course, this notice came after everyone on my contact list started asking why I was spamming them.

Gee, everyone on my contact list, I guess I was bored, so I decided to start sending you awesome links about how you can save money by acting now. Actually, I do appreciate them getting back to me so I knew to change my password. But after 30+ responses, my appreciation turned into pissed-offness.

Then, of course, Gmail emailed me saying, "Hey, you might want to change your password." Thank you, Gmail, for that completely obvious response. I love your non-proactiveness. Next time someone from China decides to spam people form my account, maybe you should stop them before they send out a butt load of messages. On the bright side, at least they let me know it was China that I needed to be pissed off at.

As a boycott, I'm not buying anything manufactured...at least for today. Take that, China. Ha!

The Original 'Most Interesting Man in the World'

2nd Best Movie Title Ever

Next to Snakes on a Plane, of course. I'm not going to tell you about it. I want you to experience it like I did. Randomly, through a trailer.

Pass the Popcorn: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1

David Yates returned to direct the last two installments of the Potter franchise. His earlier efforts (The Order of the Phoenix and The Half-blood Prince) fell a little short in my eyes. The books brought an emotional backbone to the table that the movies seemed to lack. So I was wary about how he was going to approach the final films.

As it is, The Deathly Hallows greatly outshines the other installments on all accounts. What stood out most to me was the fact that Yates was able to create a great deal of tension on screen in the moments where even the book seemed to sputter – something that hasn’t happened in the other films. Interestingly enough, this was the only book that was split into two movies. I can’t help but wonder if the last two Potter flicks would’ve benefited from the same treatment.

The action was spot on and the pacing was great, especially for a 150-minute long movie. I was also surprised (in a good way) at how dreary Yates went with the story. It was nice to see a look and feel that matched the severity of consequence the characters were experiencing. 

The Deathly Hallows plays most like the Prisoner of Azkaban – not directed by Yates. However, Yates has mentioned that Azkaban is his favorite Potter film... Until now, I would assume. 

Magic Eye

These were single-handily the coolest thing and the most annoying thing from the 90s. Awesome in that your eyes can do it. Lame in that the resulting image was so... lame. And yes, you can actually see the image online. It's a shark... a lame shark.

Best Old Spice Commercial Clone Yet

From the UK.

French or Fiction

My 3 1/2-year-old daughter just said to me, "Can you please turn on a show for me? Merci."

I told her that I don't speak French, and I show no mercy. But since she curtsied with the request, I turned on a show anyway.

Poor Form

Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver and Micheal Vick teammate, DeSean Jackson, concluded last night's win with an ill-timed quote. When asked about the game, he said, "We came back in the locker room pumped up. We were like pit bulls ready to get out of the cage."

Kind of funny and kind of not. Open mouth and insert foot. It's okay, Jackson. I have to do that almost everyday.

Planters = Awesome

The subtle humor in this isn't that subtle, but it is subtly awesome. And you can never go wrong with stop animation during the Holidays. Give it up for Rudolph, bitches!

Pass the Popcorn: MacGruber

After being MacGruber for Halloween, I decided I should actually watch the movie to see exactly what I was promoting... My mother would have been disappointed in me. Like most SNL adaptations, MacGruber was over the top, obnoxious, and played out by the end. Of course, if you've liked that about recent SNL-based comedies, it won't disappoint. Otherwise, you can skip it.

Pass the Popcorn: Get Him to the Greek

I've heard some mixed reviews on this raunchy Johan Hill and Russell Brand comedy, which I get. At some points, it tries extremely hard to be vulgar while at others, it's pouring its heart out. Regardless, I laughed more than I didn't and recommend giving it a try.

When Product Placement Goes Bad

Crazy Pills

I act crazy at work. But there are several other people there that are far crazier than I...and they don't even realize it. I'd put a quarter on it.

Qualifying Compliments

I think qualifying a compliment completely defeats its purpose. If you have to qualify what you’re saying, chances are it’s because it could be better. Don’t get me wrong. I do it, too. But that doesn’t make it right.

Think about it. What if I were to say, “I’m a pretty good basketball player for being short.”

That’s basically saying I could be better. But I’m short, so I’m not. Hmmm, Let’s look at some more.

That’s a good dinner for a box recipe simply means most box recipes suck. I look good for being 30 is no different than I looked better at 20, but hey, what can you expect. I’m 30. And I’m a good speller for not reading that much is just another way of saying I wouldn’t have so many typos if I actually researched my craft.

So I guess from now on, I’m just going to stick with the compliment and leave the qualifications unspoken.

The Day Football Cards Died

When I look back on a childhood of collecting football cards and learning how to be a man, I can't help but smile. But I also remember knowing the moment things would never be the same. As I grew older, I noticed my beloved Topps and Upper Deck packs were being replaced by Pokemon and Pogs at the checkout stand.  

Boys were worshipping little yellow animals instead of Hall of Fame quarterbacks. They were trading meaningless cardboard disks instead of the newest rookies. The card shops were slowly being pushed out of the malls. Despite the NFL's growing popularity, little boys were straying from their potential manhood to fairytale lands of fancy.

Now, I sit and look at my dusty collection of Joe Montana mint conditions and it saddens me. When I was 8 could remember thinking how rich I was going to be after selling or trading my cards in my thirties. This is a dream I will never see materialize. I remember thinking how cool my son was going to be when he brought a 1970s Topps to show and tell. Now his classmates will be none the wiser. 

There are some trends that are better served dead. Collecting sports cards is not one of them. Boys will still find their way to becoming men. But it will take longer. It will be a precarious road that winds through cartoons, wizards, and vampires. But they will get there. My son will get there. And when he does, I will be waiting with Jerry Rice in his plastic case...with a smile on face.

Creepy M&Ms

Does anybody else find the M&M commercials creepy. They always seem to be putting their characters in situations where they are being eaten or about to be eaten - not to mention the spot where they are going to put the pretzel character inside the M&M. I know this is candy we're talking about here, but there sure is a lot cannibalism going on.

AND 1 - Be Lo-Qi

I worked with Kamp Grizzly on getting this spot made for AND 1. 

Green Fatigue

A recent article in Ad Age states that people simply aren't responding to 'green marketing' like they use to. Consumers aren't believing the message anymore. While it's always nice for a legit entity to write it down, this doesn't scream news to me. It's the cyclical nature of anything driven by the media. People don't like being beaten over the head with the same message all day.

It's like those popular underground bands that people grow to hate once they get popular. When no one has heard of them, they sound fresh and new. Then everyone starts talking about them. Before you know it, they are playing everyone 30 minutes on the radio, which results in listener revolt. They are still a talented band, but you can only hear the same song so many times before the melody loses its hook.

While the green message is important, it's gotten too much radio play of late. Instead of standing out, brands are starting to blend in. Once the bottom of the barrel brands jump on board, you know the message has worn out its welcome. It's the same reason the Republicans took back the power in the House this election, and the same reseason they will lose it in the next one.

Once you recognize the cycle, it's a lot easier to embrace it.

Sports Mania

I like rooting against the Cowboys just as much as I like cheering for the 49ers. It's nice because even when my team's not playing, I can pull for whichever random team is playing my foe. And that's how it should be.

Fail

I bought my father-in-law these super-cool Keen boots. Warm but not too warm. Heavy-duty but not too heavy-duty. Basically, they're just right. Then I told my mother-in-law to make sure he doesn't buy himself any new boots until Christmas. This happened last week. This week, he bought himself boots. Welcom to my Christmas Gift Fail.

Macbook Air

I got a new Macbook Air for work. It's weird not having a disc drive and only one USB port, but so far, it's a sweet little machine. And yes, they are really that skinny.

Pass the Popcorn: Law Abiding Citizen

Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler try to outwit each other in a cat and mouse movie where everything blows up. Interesting enough to watch on cable but that's about it. And the moral of the story... don't piss off a really smart atheist that has nothing to live for.

Pass the Popcorn: The Town

Ben Affleck writes, directs, and stars in a good one...finally. I don't have anything against Affleck accept for that he usually sucks on camera. He proves me wrong in The Town. A cross between Heat and The Departed, The Town splices hardcore drama with some intense action sequences. I never knew a mini van could drive like that. It was satisfying from being to end. My only knock is that the main actress (Rebecca Hall) simply bothers me and that Blake Lively didn't get naked even once. Besides that, it is good flick.

Halloween Squared

I'm not sure what was sadder; my attempt at being MacGruber for Halloween or the fact that I was only missing a mullet wig from my regular repertoire to complete the outfit.

Halloween

I was home alone for Halloween and this is what I learned:

1. I'm boring. I sat in the dark, watched movies, drank beer, and did push ups most the day and night. I was one premeditation away from being a serial killer.
2. I live in a predominantly Mexican neighborhood. Literally, 90% of the kids that came to my door prefer gracias over thank you.
3. Mexican families Trick or Treat in packs. Seriously, they came to the door 10-12 at a time. I ran out of candy after the first couple of knocks.

Let's Celebrate Disappointment

My wife wants to throw me and my son a 49er-themed birthday party this year. It makes perfect sense, really. I always get super excited about my birthday and then it gets here and I end up being disappointed - not in my wife's efforts but in the idea of December birthdays altogether. It just seems like a lot of preseason hype for a mediocre celebration. Besides, we all know every wants to see Christmas take the field.

It's basically like the 49ers for the last 10 years. Picked to win the NFC West by the analysts but lucky not to have the first pick in the draft the following year. It's been a tough decade to be a Niner fan.

Blitz Ladd: Porter and Whiskey

Someecard Halloween

Here are a couple of good e-cards for the season.

Hi-Tec Jackson Hole 400

I'm workin' on getting the hook up on these new Hi-Tec boots. My Danners are past their prime, and it's time to move on. The word on the streets is that the new Danners don't hold up like they used to, so I'm jumping ship for the time being.

Close...

This is another valiant effort by W+K. It has the heart to be great but I think the execution slightly missed the mark. A little too much humor and 'on the nose' setups brought it down. I think if it embraced a more serious tone, it would have blown the doors off the ad world.

Pass the Popcorn: Robin Hood

I had several fundamental issues with this movie, all of which, made it mediocre at best.
1. The dialogue struggled greatly at times.
2. The love story was uneven with awkward timing.
3. The kids, Marion, and the stupid little horses should not have joined in battle.
4. The prospect of a sequel sounded more appealing than how this story was told. If you're more excited about what happens after the movie ends, then the wrong movie was made.

Turf Wars

For the last couple of days my house has smelled of skunk. I thought perhaps a transient was smoking weed in my attic. After realizing the idiocy of that thought, I came to the conclusion that a skunk was calling the underbelly of my front deck its home.

So when I heard a rustle on the front porch last night, I thought to myself, "I've got you now, devil beast." But when I opened the door, there before me stood nothing more than a giant raccoon...holding my Halloween gourd. It quickly scared and retreated under the porch.

Now it is clear. My decorated porch is attracting the vermin of the neighborhood. Freshly painted gourds, ghoulishly carved pumpkins, and all the other garnishes that fall decorations provide. It's painfully obvious that a skunk is fighting a raccoon for the right to call it home.

They've had two battles thus far, which have both ended in someone or something getting sprayed. But the raccoon is becoming more daring. He's showing his face. Will the skunk stand for such insolence? I don't know. But I can tell you that I hope the skunk loses in the end. Like Lynyrd Skynyrd, I can smell that smell.

My Work Lives

Check out this product review on the Baileyworks Super Pro. It utilizes both videos I did for them back in the day. Simple yet satisfying.

Perspective

Anytime I feel like complaining about work I simply think about where my buddy works. Let's just say he manages the wayward souls that have ended up in a profession out of circumstance instead of choice.

For instance, he has to have weekly conversations with one of his employees because his skirts are too short. Yep, I said "his" skirts. Not kilts, skirts. And why does he wear skirts? Because when he started shaving his chest, he realized he had man-boobs, which led to him wearing bras. And why wear a bra if you're not going to start wearing blouses. And what goes best with a blouse? A short skirt!