The Marx Broth’s Duck Soup
With line after forced line of boring puns, this movie baffles me. I was somewhat entertained by “Night at the Opera” but mostly bored. “Duck Soup’s” complete lack of comedic timing and sloppy shtick just left me confused at its appearance on the AFI list. Physical comedy was done at a much higher caliber by Charlie Chaplin, but I really can’t find a single redeeming scene in “Duck Soup.” There’s no cultural relevance or cinematic significance.
I know this review is a little harsh, but that’s an hour and half of my life that I can’t get back. I would like back, even half of it would be nice. But it’s gone. And for that reason, I wouldn’t recommend this movie to anybody. Sorry AFI.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Often Overlooked.
My good friend Eric always makes a point of mentioning the climb of gas prices since the Bush administration took office. I don’t support or deny the things are government has done over the last couple of years, but I found this graph interesting. I’ve read about it in a handful of articles, but since no one wants to take the side of Bush, this info is often overlooked. Here’s a very simple graphical representation of when the gas prices started to increase. I’m not pointing the finger at anyone. I’m just saying that it’s not as easy as blaming a single person or incident.
My good friend Eric always makes a point of mentioning the climb of gas prices since the Bush administration took office. I don’t support or deny the things are government has done over the last couple of years, but I found this graph interesting. I’ve read about it in a handful of articles, but since no one wants to take the side of Bush, this info is often overlooked. Here’s a very simple graphical representation of when the gas prices started to increase. I’m not pointing the finger at anyone. I’m just saying that it’s not as easy as blaming a single person or incident.
Quit looking at my mangina!
I’m surrendering my manhood today. Since having a baby I don’t get to see that many movies in the theaters. This year we’ve been blessed with the quality of “Iron Man” and the nostalgia of “Indiana Jones 4,” but alas, I have to sit at home and watch their box office numbers climb. However, for my wife’s birthday we’re going to see the highly anticipated (not by me) “Sex and the City.” And of course, by her wishes we are going to see it on opening night.
So there it is. My first big summer movie going experience will revolve around purses, shoes, and arguments over who’s more like Carrie. If you run into my manhood on the street, could you mention that I’m still looking for it?
I’m surrendering my manhood today. Since having a baby I don’t get to see that many movies in the theaters. This year we’ve been blessed with the quality of “Iron Man” and the nostalgia of “Indiana Jones 4,” but alas, I have to sit at home and watch their box office numbers climb. However, for my wife’s birthday we’re going to see the highly anticipated (not by me) “Sex and the City.” And of course, by her wishes we are going to see it on opening night.
So there it is. My first big summer movie going experience will revolve around purses, shoes, and arguments over who’s more like Carrie. If you run into my manhood on the street, could you mention that I’m still looking for it?
Clay, you sly dog!
I was going to write about this yesterday, but I was still trying to wrap my head around it. Mr. Clay Aiken is going to be a papa. Who’s your daddy? But for all of those skeptics out there that still think he’s perpetually stuck in the closet, the plot does thicken. Apparently, Clay impregnated his longtime friend and producer, 50-year-old Jaymes Foster, through artificial insemination! Dun, Dun, Dunnnnnn.
First of all it’s ironic that his baby’s mama is named James… I mean Jaymes. Second of all, she’s his very best friend, who he doesn’t have sex with, not even when she wants to get pregnant. Don’t worry Clay, we support you ambiguity. You do your things, with that pale skin and long blond hair of yours. Oh yeah, and that soft and supple tenor voice your supporting.
I was going to write about this yesterday, but I was still trying to wrap my head around it. Mr. Clay Aiken is going to be a papa. Who’s your daddy? But for all of those skeptics out there that still think he’s perpetually stuck in the closet, the plot does thicken. Apparently, Clay impregnated his longtime friend and producer, 50-year-old Jaymes Foster, through artificial insemination! Dun, Dun, Dunnnnnn.
First of all it’s ironic that his baby’s mama is named James… I mean Jaymes. Second of all, she’s his very best friend, who he doesn’t have sex with, not even when she wants to get pregnant. Don’t worry Clay, we support you ambiguity. You do your things, with that pale skin and long blond hair of yours. Oh yeah, and that soft and supple tenor voice your supporting.
1927's The Jazz Singer
Like so many on AFIs top 100 list, this movie’s historical significance is the only reason it was selected. It’s the first film to use the vitaphone, which allowed Warner Bros. studio to record singing that was synchronized to the actor’s voice. “The Jazz Singer” is dubbed the first “talkie” but is essentially a silent film. I get its importance of utilizing the vitaphone, but if you’re going to sit through a silent movie, I recommend “Sunrise.” At least it has a storyline that translates some suspense and emotion. Oh well, one more marked off the list.
Like so many on AFIs top 100 list, this movie’s historical significance is the only reason it was selected. It’s the first film to use the vitaphone, which allowed Warner Bros. studio to record singing that was synchronized to the actor’s voice. “The Jazz Singer” is dubbed the first “talkie” but is essentially a silent film. I get its importance of utilizing the vitaphone, but if you’re going to sit through a silent movie, I recommend “Sunrise.” At least it has a storyline that translates some suspense and emotion. Oh well, one more marked off the list.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Half the Tree It Used to Be
An Omaha Nebraska man had to cut his tree in half in order to appease his neighbor. The neighbor was angry because the tree was killing a small section of grass on his property line, so after going to small claims court, the owner of the tree had to trim it. He decided against cutting the tree down entirely because it provided a backstop for his kid’s basketball hoop.
An Omaha Nebraska man had to cut his tree in half in order to appease his neighbor. The neighbor was angry because the tree was killing a small section of grass on his property line, so after going to small claims court, the owner of the tree had to trim it. He decided against cutting the tree down entirely because it provided a backstop for his kid’s basketball hoop.
Take that angry neighbor. A small patch of dead grass under a bushy tree looks a lot better than a mangled evergreen bordering your lawn. I guess you should be careful what you wish for. I’m sure this is going to start a wonderful feud. The police dispatcher will have fun dealing with the weekly calls dealing with the “he said, she said.” Hooray for not getting along over minute details. Let’s break out the pink flamingos and broken down cars and put them in our lawns so everyone’s property value goes down. Yeeehaawww, this squabbling is fun.
Aaaarrrggghhhh!
Pirates have made a comeback not only on the big screen, but in the real world as well. Two cargo ships were hi-jacked in the Gulf of Aden on Wednesday. They weren’t hi-jacked by terrorists, but rather, by pirates. I’m sure these new-aged swashbucklers have replaced swords and cannons with machine guns and machetes, but that I bet they still where bandanas on their heads. Feel free to start using phrasing like “aaargghhh ye maties” and “walk the plank” at work. If people look at you funny, take their wallet and steal their wenches. That’ll show ‘em.
Next to make a comeback will be storming the castle. The bound-log battering ram will be replaced with a titanium rammer, but you can still ward off the assailants with scolding water as they break through the thresh hold. If you can’t find a castle, a really big lake house will suffice.
Pirates have made a comeback not only on the big screen, but in the real world as well. Two cargo ships were hi-jacked in the Gulf of Aden on Wednesday. They weren’t hi-jacked by terrorists, but rather, by pirates. I’m sure these new-aged swashbucklers have replaced swords and cannons with machine guns and machetes, but that I bet they still where bandanas on their heads. Feel free to start using phrasing like “aaargghhh ye maties” and “walk the plank” at work. If people look at you funny, take their wallet and steal their wenches. That’ll show ‘em.
Next to make a comeback will be storming the castle. The bound-log battering ram will be replaced with a titanium rammer, but you can still ward off the assailants with scolding water as they break through the thresh hold. If you can’t find a castle, a really big lake house will suffice.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
A Good No-Call
In the end of the Spurs/Lakers game last night Brent Barry was supposedly fouled during his final shot. In the hopes to stir up controversy, the announcers immediately questioned the non-call, thus forcing their perceived controversy onto the situation. Sometimes it amazes me how badly announcers want to bring drama to a game that doesn’t need manufactured tension.
If you watched the play, the ball was passed to Barry with 2-seconds left on the clock. When he jumped to catch the ball, Derek Fischer of the Lakers jumped as well. Barry caught the ball and immediately put his head down and took one dribble into Fischer, who was still in the air. After the contact, Barry pulled up for a long desperation shot.
Two things are obvious, especially when you look at the replay. Barry initiated the contact, and he wasn’t’ even fouled while in the act of shooting. It was the best no-call of the night. Not only did Barry not deserve to shoot three free throws for a chance to win the game, he didn’t even deserve to shoot two for a chance to tie. But the announcers got their way. This morning everyone was talking about the phantom foul.
In the end of the Spurs/Lakers game last night Brent Barry was supposedly fouled during his final shot. In the hopes to stir up controversy, the announcers immediately questioned the non-call, thus forcing their perceived controversy onto the situation. Sometimes it amazes me how badly announcers want to bring drama to a game that doesn’t need manufactured tension.
If you watched the play, the ball was passed to Barry with 2-seconds left on the clock. When he jumped to catch the ball, Derek Fischer of the Lakers jumped as well. Barry caught the ball and immediately put his head down and took one dribble into Fischer, who was still in the air. After the contact, Barry pulled up for a long desperation shot.
Two things are obvious, especially when you look at the replay. Barry initiated the contact, and he wasn’t’ even fouled while in the act of shooting. It was the best no-call of the night. Not only did Barry not deserve to shoot three free throws for a chance to win the game, he didn’t even deserve to shoot two for a chance to tie. But the announcers got their way. This morning everyone was talking about the phantom foul.
If I Had $1 Million.
Some guy found an old cup he used to play with as a kid in a shoebox under his bed. He knew the toy was old, so he took it to an antique dealer to have it appraised. It turns out the gold cup was from the Persian Empire and is expected to bring in almost $1 million at auction. Damn! Now I feel bad for throwing away all of my childhood toys. If you dig through my old things, you would only find broken dreams and despair. Maybe that’s worth $1 million.
Some guy found an old cup he used to play with as a kid in a shoebox under his bed. He knew the toy was old, so he took it to an antique dealer to have it appraised. It turns out the gold cup was from the Persian Empire and is expected to bring in almost $1 million at auction. Damn! Now I feel bad for throwing away all of my childhood toys. If you dig through my old things, you would only find broken dreams and despair. Maybe that’s worth $1 million.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Head Games Revisited: SNELL vs DOT
Four years ago I published an article through Motorcycle USA that compared DOT and SNELL testing standards on motorcycle helmets. Since then, my article has been quoted in many online debates about which test is better. After re-reading my original article, I want to point out a couple of things.
First, I simply said SNELL regulations require that a helmet be able to absorb a greater impact. I didn’t say this meant is they were undeniably safer. There’s a debate inferring that more rigid helmet may not absorb enough impact from a lighter crash, thus causing more damage. This is a possibility and should be looked into further.
Second, I mentioned that SNELL performed the tests on each helmet, and that DOT tests were done by the manufacturer. I’m surprised that this information is left out of most debates. I believe this is a more pertinent point in the argument. My focus was to show the checks and balances of having a third party do all of the testing, rather than relying on internal manufacturer ethics. It’s always easier to trust someone that doesn’t have a monetary interest in the outcome.
Finally, I want to state that this article was written four years ago. SNELL modifies their testing standards on a regular basis, and I’m not sure about DOT. The point is that referencing more recent articles on the subject would naturally create a stronger argument. Standards for testing and acceptable results could easily have changed since 2004.
Despite the lack of resolution in these heated debates, I’m glad to see that people are talking about the issue of motorcycle safety. Having a certified helmet is, by far, better than a non-certified one. I wrecked a bike going 60-mph and was thankful that my helmet passed not only DOT and SNELL regulations, but the real world test as well.
Four years ago I published an article through Motorcycle USA that compared DOT and SNELL testing standards on motorcycle helmets. Since then, my article has been quoted in many online debates about which test is better. After re-reading my original article, I want to point out a couple of things.
First, I simply said SNELL regulations require that a helmet be able to absorb a greater impact. I didn’t say this meant is they were undeniably safer. There’s a debate inferring that more rigid helmet may not absorb enough impact from a lighter crash, thus causing more damage. This is a possibility and should be looked into further.
Second, I mentioned that SNELL performed the tests on each helmet, and that DOT tests were done by the manufacturer. I’m surprised that this information is left out of most debates. I believe this is a more pertinent point in the argument. My focus was to show the checks and balances of having a third party do all of the testing, rather than relying on internal manufacturer ethics. It’s always easier to trust someone that doesn’t have a monetary interest in the outcome.
Finally, I want to state that this article was written four years ago. SNELL modifies their testing standards on a regular basis, and I’m not sure about DOT. The point is that referencing more recent articles on the subject would naturally create a stronger argument. Standards for testing and acceptable results could easily have changed since 2004.
Despite the lack of resolution in these heated debates, I’m glad to see that people are talking about the issue of motorcycle safety. Having a certified helmet is, by far, better than a non-certified one. I wrecked a bike going 60-mph and was thankful that my helmet passed not only DOT and SNELL regulations, but the real world test as well.
Okay, We Get It!
This is why I hate the local news. We’re amidst an obvious downward spiral of increasing gas prices (yeah, wrap your head around that). This is a truth we face every time we visit the pumps, and yes, it sucks. However, increasing gas prices is hardly newsworthy, but not according to every news station, everyday, on every broadcast.
I quit watching the news because every three minutes an anchor is filling me in on the “Pump Patrol.” What’s that you said? Gas prices are climbing again. I thought the $70 I just paid to Exxon was a figment of my imagination. It’s like when your puppy dies, and every single person you meet reminds you of how hard that must be.
I guess they finally figured out that reminding us about the imploding housing market was getting redundant. We know it’s hard, we know it sucks, find something worth telling us. What’s next? Is a reporter going to knock on my door, shoot me in the arm, and then say, “This just in, I shot you in the arm. Coming up at six, I’m going to talk with the guy I just shot and remind him that he may still be bleeding. And don’t miss our seven o’clock segment on how to avoid getting shot in the arm by reporters.”
Why don’t they just wait for prices to drop? When that happens, I want to hear about it. Until, show me that damn waterskiing squirrel again. At list, he was cute and fun.
This is why I hate the local news. We’re amidst an obvious downward spiral of increasing gas prices (yeah, wrap your head around that). This is a truth we face every time we visit the pumps, and yes, it sucks. However, increasing gas prices is hardly newsworthy, but not according to every news station, everyday, on every broadcast.
I quit watching the news because every three minutes an anchor is filling me in on the “Pump Patrol.” What’s that you said? Gas prices are climbing again. I thought the $70 I just paid to Exxon was a figment of my imagination. It’s like when your puppy dies, and every single person you meet reminds you of how hard that must be.
I guess they finally figured out that reminding us about the imploding housing market was getting redundant. We know it’s hard, we know it sucks, find something worth telling us. What’s next? Is a reporter going to knock on my door, shoot me in the arm, and then say, “This just in, I shot you in the arm. Coming up at six, I’m going to talk with the guy I just shot and remind him that he may still be bleeding. And don’t miss our seven o’clock segment on how to avoid getting shot in the arm by reporters.”
Why don’t they just wait for prices to drop? When that happens, I want to hear about it. Until, show me that damn waterskiing squirrel again. At list, he was cute and fun.
Monday, May 26, 2008
I SPY an End to My Unseen AFI:
Okay, Mr. Strahl. I’m going to make my final push this next week to finish up my AFI top 130 movies of all time. Those remaining on my list are: "Gone with the Wind," "The General," "African Queen," "Duck Soup," "The Jazz Singer," and "Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf."
I’ve rearranged my Blockbuster Queue, and it seems the only one I can’t get my hands on is "The African Queen." However, "Virginia Woolf" requires a very long wait. You asked for my updated list and here it is. Still not bad, I’d say; especially since I took the last six months off.
Of course, you said you were hot on my trail; tell me, which ones do you have left?
Okay, Mr. Strahl. I’m going to make my final push this next week to finish up my AFI top 130 movies of all time. Those remaining on my list are: "Gone with the Wind," "The General," "African Queen," "Duck Soup," "The Jazz Singer," and "Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf."
I’ve rearranged my Blockbuster Queue, and it seems the only one I can’t get my hands on is "The African Queen." However, "Virginia Woolf" requires a very long wait. You asked for my updated list and here it is. Still not bad, I’d say; especially since I took the last six months off.
Of course, you said you were hot on my trail; tell me, which ones do you have left?
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The Whole Ten Yards?
According a website describing the origins of idioms, there are several possible reasons why we say “the whole nine yards.” One Comes from World War II fighter pilots, whose planes typically wereoutfitted with enough machine-gun ammunition to extend 27 feet. If a pilotexpended all his ammunition on a mission, he would say, "I gave them thewhole nine yards".
Another says the term comes from the Scottish Great Kilt. The amount of wool for a full Great Kilt is a "whole nine yards".
While a third states concrete held by a concrete truck is measured in the unit 'yards'. The truck holds a total of nine yards of concrete. When all the concrete was needed they would say, give me the Whole nine yards.
I’m not refuting any of these explanations. I’m just amazed at how many things are measured out to nine yards when at full capacity. Ten just seems like a nice round number, but no, everyone feels the need to go with nine. Maybe they wanted ten, but it was too much work, so they always stopped at nine. Who knows? From now on when I go above and beyond, I’m going to say I went the whole ten yards. You won’t see me stopping one yard short.
According a website describing the origins of idioms, there are several possible reasons why we say “the whole nine yards.” One Comes from World War II fighter pilots, whose planes typically wereoutfitted with enough machine-gun ammunition to extend 27 feet. If a pilotexpended all his ammunition on a mission, he would say, "I gave them thewhole nine yards".
Another says the term comes from the Scottish Great Kilt. The amount of wool for a full Great Kilt is a "whole nine yards".
While a third states concrete held by a concrete truck is measured in the unit 'yards'. The truck holds a total of nine yards of concrete. When all the concrete was needed they would say, give me the Whole nine yards.
I’m not refuting any of these explanations. I’m just amazed at how many things are measured out to nine yards when at full capacity. Ten just seems like a nice round number, but no, everyone feels the need to go with nine. Maybe they wanted ten, but it was too much work, so they always stopped at nine. Who knows? From now on when I go above and beyond, I’m going to say I went the whole ten yards. You won’t see me stopping one yard short.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Crime and Punishment
Finally justice has been served. The creator of ‘N SYNC and the Backstreet Boys has been sentenced to 25-years in prison. Lou Pearlman will say Bye, Bye, Bye (I know, it’s cheesy) to his freedom after stealing nearly $300 million from investors since the early 80s. He is yet, however, to be sentenced for exposing the world to extreme levels of “Boy Bands” dating back to the mid 90s; a crime far more severe in my mind. Synchronized dancing quintets will morn the loss of Pearlman as their dreams of singing in front of droves of screaming tweens will be put on hold. Fortunately, the “Boy Band” era isn’t due to make a comeback until Pearlman is eligible to be released on good behavior.
We all know how bad pedophiles and rapist get treated in the joint, and we can only assume that Pearlman will be dealt with more aggressively. His only hope is to work his magic (if there’s any left) and get the gangs on his side. Due out late next summer will be the hit single “I shivved him that way” by ‘N CLINK.
Finally justice has been served. The creator of ‘N SYNC and the Backstreet Boys has been sentenced to 25-years in prison. Lou Pearlman will say Bye, Bye, Bye (I know, it’s cheesy) to his freedom after stealing nearly $300 million from investors since the early 80s. He is yet, however, to be sentenced for exposing the world to extreme levels of “Boy Bands” dating back to the mid 90s; a crime far more severe in my mind. Synchronized dancing quintets will morn the loss of Pearlman as their dreams of singing in front of droves of screaming tweens will be put on hold. Fortunately, the “Boy Band” era isn’t due to make a comeback until Pearlman is eligible to be released on good behavior.
We all know how bad pedophiles and rapist get treated in the joint, and we can only assume that Pearlman will be dealt with more aggressively. His only hope is to work his magic (if there’s any left) and get the gangs on his side. Due out late next summer will be the hit single “I shivved him that way” by ‘N CLINK.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Mushy! Aw Come On Man.
Being a man, I can easily push my emotions to the side and live my life. I know what I’m feeling and that’s good enough for me. What I fail to remember is that those around can’t read minds. It’s easy to neglect loved ones unintentionally, so every once and while I have to take a step back and proclaim my love from the rooftops. Of course, since I don’t have a rooftop, I will use my blog instead. Malinda, I love you very much. I can only imagine how difficult it is to be pregnant. I don’t know what you’re going through or how you feel, but I can tell you that I love you. We’ve made a nice little life together, and I know it will only get better. Thank you for being my wife.
Being a man, I can easily push my emotions to the side and live my life. I know what I’m feeling and that’s good enough for me. What I fail to remember is that those around can’t read minds. It’s easy to neglect loved ones unintentionally, so every once and while I have to take a step back and proclaim my love from the rooftops. Of course, since I don’t have a rooftop, I will use my blog instead. Malinda, I love you very much. I can only imagine how difficult it is to be pregnant. I don’t know what you’re going through or how you feel, but I can tell you that I love you. We’ve made a nice little life together, and I know it will only get better. Thank you for being my wife.
Monday, May 19, 2008
100, WOW, That's Neat!
I’m 100 blogs old today. The funny thing is that I don’t feel a blog older than 99. Imagine that bit of overused irony. Regardless of my mediocre milestone, I would still like to thank all three of my readers who only visit my site because I verbally abuse them if they don’t. It’s nice to know I can force patronage upon them. However, if I’m ever going to get syndicated, I’ll need a larger viewership. So beware all of you in cyberspace. I will find you, and you will read my words…and like them.
I’m 100 blogs old today. The funny thing is that I don’t feel a blog older than 99. Imagine that bit of overused irony. Regardless of my mediocre milestone, I would still like to thank all three of my readers who only visit my site because I verbally abuse them if they don’t. It’s nice to know I can force patronage upon them. However, if I’m ever going to get syndicated, I’ll need a larger viewership. So beware all of you in cyberspace. I will find you, and you will read my words…and like them.
A Dark Day Afternoon
New England states witnessed dark skies engulf the region one afternoon in 1780. Residents of the northeast didn’t know what to think about the phenomena. Animals bedded down early while some people prayed expecting the end of days. The dark sky gave off and bronze glow, and when night finally fell, no moon or stars could be seen. No one could find a source of the mystery until last year.
Now a days our first explanation of such an incident would be ash from a wildfire or volcanic eruption, but since communication was slow in the 1700s, this couldn’t be proven. In fact, until recently, an actual source for the premature nightfall was never discovered. As it turns out, the dark skies were the result of a fire in Canada. However, fire scar evidence wasn’t found and dated until 2007.
It’s amazing how far we’ve come with technology. And with technological advances, we gain more insight on the eerie occurrences life has to offer. In the end, I’m not sure if I like knowing all of the answers. Has it made me more of a cynic? Do I question all that can’t be explained? Sometimes, it’s nice to chalk it up to miracles or the paranormal. Mysteries add spice and uncertainty to the world. But as much as I like the unknown, I can’t help myself from trying to find the answers anyway.
New England states witnessed dark skies engulf the region one afternoon in 1780. Residents of the northeast didn’t know what to think about the phenomena. Animals bedded down early while some people prayed expecting the end of days. The dark sky gave off and bronze glow, and when night finally fell, no moon or stars could be seen. No one could find a source of the mystery until last year.
Now a days our first explanation of such an incident would be ash from a wildfire or volcanic eruption, but since communication was slow in the 1700s, this couldn’t be proven. In fact, until recently, an actual source for the premature nightfall was never discovered. As it turns out, the dark skies were the result of a fire in Canada. However, fire scar evidence wasn’t found and dated until 2007.
It’s amazing how far we’ve come with technology. And with technological advances, we gain more insight on the eerie occurrences life has to offer. In the end, I’m not sure if I like knowing all of the answers. Has it made me more of a cynic? Do I question all that can’t be explained? Sometimes, it’s nice to chalk it up to miracles or the paranormal. Mysteries add spice and uncertainty to the world. But as much as I like the unknown, I can’t help myself from trying to find the answers anyway.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
The 6Th Man
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will soon be able to start their own basketball team, complete with a sixth man, after reports confirm Jolie is pregnant with twins. Officially, they will have more kids, than employees at my office. They could remake Oliver Twist and not have to pay for child extras. They no longer make a standard SUV big enough for their family. This new set of twins for the Jolie-Pitts means that when sibling rivalries erupt, it will be a fair fight; a 3-on-3 smack down between the adopted and the conceived. I’m already trying to buy the rights for the reality TV show.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will soon be able to start their own basketball team, complete with a sixth man, after reports confirm Jolie is pregnant with twins. Officially, they will have more kids, than employees at my office. They could remake Oliver Twist and not have to pay for child extras. They no longer make a standard SUV big enough for their family. This new set of twins for the Jolie-Pitts means that when sibling rivalries erupt, it will be a fair fight; a 3-on-3 smack down between the adopted and the conceived. I’m already trying to buy the rights for the reality TV show.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
What keeps me up at night.
Did the last violinist on the Titanic wonder if his music fell upon deaf ears? As the cold water filled his shoes, did he pause and think perhaps now was the time to follow suit; to abandon ship while his songs faded into the night sky? Or did he laugh at the challenge, grip his rosined bow, and play for those willing to listen; knowing that failure and success are separated by a single breath. There is always an instant where despair can turn into hope.
Did the last violinist on the Titanic wonder if his music fell upon deaf ears? As the cold water filled his shoes, did he pause and think perhaps now was the time to follow suit; to abandon ship while his songs faded into the night sky? Or did he laugh at the challenge, grip his rosined bow, and play for those willing to listen; knowing that failure and success are separated by a single breath. There is always an instant where despair can turn into hope.
News Break
A T-shirt seller created a shirt displaying a Curious George (a.k.a. monkey) type face with the phrase “Obama ‘08” under it. Even if the original intention wasn’t racially charged, the reaction should have been obvious. Boo on the T-shirt maker. We’ve come too far as a nation to have things like this happen. It’s depressing to know how far we still have to go. The next shirt to be made will have a picture of a donkey on it with the caption “T-shirt maker” under it. Ha, take that Mr. T-shirt maker. I got you.
The Smart Car got an A on its crash tests. Even though it looks like it explodes on impact, the frame design holds up well, and the airbags do their job. I still think that a car that small should get better than 40-miles-per-gallon; especially when a Ford Escape Hybrid gets 35 MPGs. I’m also amazed it’s not a number one seller amongst clowns.
China’s quake victims wait with patience. Despite being injured and homeless, many of the quake victims played cards and quietly waited for government aide. Some moans could be heard, but they came from the seriously injured. My question is whether they actually believe in their age-old-adage of “eat bitterness” or if they’re just too scared to complain. It is China after all. The last guy that complained about the Tibet incident was sentenced to three years in prison. If they complain about not getting adequate assistance, lack of medical treatment could be the least of their worries. Then again, I could just be too cynical to see the truth.
A T-shirt seller created a shirt displaying a Curious George (a.k.a. monkey) type face with the phrase “Obama ‘08” under it. Even if the original intention wasn’t racially charged, the reaction should have been obvious. Boo on the T-shirt maker. We’ve come too far as a nation to have things like this happen. It’s depressing to know how far we still have to go. The next shirt to be made will have a picture of a donkey on it with the caption “T-shirt maker” under it. Ha, take that Mr. T-shirt maker. I got you.
The Smart Car got an A on its crash tests. Even though it looks like it explodes on impact, the frame design holds up well, and the airbags do their job. I still think that a car that small should get better than 40-miles-per-gallon; especially when a Ford Escape Hybrid gets 35 MPGs. I’m also amazed it’s not a number one seller amongst clowns.
China’s quake victims wait with patience. Despite being injured and homeless, many of the quake victims played cards and quietly waited for government aide. Some moans could be heard, but they came from the seriously injured. My question is whether they actually believe in their age-old-adage of “eat bitterness” or if they’re just too scared to complain. It is China after all. The last guy that complained about the Tibet incident was sentenced to three years in prison. If they complain about not getting adequate assistance, lack of medical treatment could be the least of their worries. Then again, I could just be too cynical to see the truth.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
The Sad Truth
Another week means another natural disaster will claim thousands of innocent lives. The most recent occurrence was an earthquake in China, which killed 9,000. As we continue to overpopulate the earth it just seems like more and more catastrophic events are occurring. I actually think we’re just crossing more into the fray where these things happen. Is the planet evolving? Of course it is. It always has. Too many people forget that almost the entire world was covered in ice not too long ago. It didn’t melt because of global warming. It melted because our environment is constantly changing, and as our (the human race) numbers grow, we increase the chances of experiencing this fluidity first hand.
Yes, the recent disasters are sad. Yes, thousands of people died and families were torn apart. The fact of the matter is that the earth has its own check and balance system. Maybe this is the only way we’re not going to overpopulate the world. Maybe the world is fighting back. You can only make a house of cards go so high before part of it comes tumbling down.
Another week means another natural disaster will claim thousands of innocent lives. The most recent occurrence was an earthquake in China, which killed 9,000. As we continue to overpopulate the earth it just seems like more and more catastrophic events are occurring. I actually think we’re just crossing more into the fray where these things happen. Is the planet evolving? Of course it is. It always has. Too many people forget that almost the entire world was covered in ice not too long ago. It didn’t melt because of global warming. It melted because our environment is constantly changing, and as our (the human race) numbers grow, we increase the chances of experiencing this fluidity first hand.
Yes, the recent disasters are sad. Yes, thousands of people died and families were torn apart. The fact of the matter is that the earth has its own check and balance system. Maybe this is the only way we’re not going to overpopulate the world. Maybe the world is fighting back. You can only make a house of cards go so high before part of it comes tumbling down.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
Overwhelming Underachievement
A blind bowler scored a perfect 300 in Iowa last weekend. The 78-year-old man has an average of 188 despite the fact he can’t see the lanes. There was also a recent ruling that a double-legged amputee won’t be allowed to compete against “able-bodied” runners in this summer’s Olympic Games. His prosthetics may or may not give him an advantage, but the fact of the matter is that he’s fast enough to compete. Not only are these two cases amazing underdog stories, but they also give me an overwhelming sense of underachievement. There’s nothing like a story about someone rising up against all odds to make you feel like you’re failing in life. So I would like to say “thank you” to all of privileged people out there that are achieving their mediocre goals. You’re averageness allows me to keep my sanity. Of course, if an armless baseball player pitches a no-hitter in the Major Leagues, I just might have to kill myself.
A blind bowler scored a perfect 300 in Iowa last weekend. The 78-year-old man has an average of 188 despite the fact he can’t see the lanes. There was also a recent ruling that a double-legged amputee won’t be allowed to compete against “able-bodied” runners in this summer’s Olympic Games. His prosthetics may or may not give him an advantage, but the fact of the matter is that he’s fast enough to compete. Not only are these two cases amazing underdog stories, but they also give me an overwhelming sense of underachievement. There’s nothing like a story about someone rising up against all odds to make you feel like you’re failing in life. So I would like to say “thank you” to all of privileged people out there that are achieving their mediocre goals. You’re averageness allows me to keep my sanity. Of course, if an armless baseball player pitches a no-hitter in the Major Leagues, I just might have to kill myself.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
The Vixen Within
Who knew that Barbara Walters was such a vixen back in her hey day? According to her recent memoir, she had an affair with the then married Senator Edward Brooke during the 1970s. They kept it a secret because it would have ruined both of their careers. It’s hard to picture the gray-haired journalist as a young and sexy home wrecker, but give me a minute and I’ll try. Oh yeah, go get ‘em Barbara. You do your thing.
Who knew that Barbara Walters was such a vixen back in her hey day? According to her recent memoir, she had an affair with the then married Senator Edward Brooke during the 1970s. They kept it a secret because it would have ruined both of their careers. It’s hard to picture the gray-haired journalist as a young and sexy home wrecker, but give me a minute and I’ll try. Oh yeah, go get ‘em Barbara. You do your thing.
Opening Acts
The wife and I went to an Augustana concert last night in Portland. Naturally, they were good. The lead singer has a great voice, but the sound engineering was sub par. You could barely hear the lead singer’s voice. This is a common nuisance when watching a headliner perform. It’s seems that when they get big enough to afford a sound technician, they decide to just turn everything up. This is why I enjoy opening acts so much. They’re usually more low key.
The wife and I went to an Augustana concert last night in Portland. Naturally, they were good. The lead singer has a great voice, but the sound engineering was sub par. You could barely hear the lead singer’s voice. This is a common nuisance when watching a headliner perform. It’s seems that when they get big enough to afford a sound technician, they decide to just turn everything up. This is why I enjoy opening acts so much. They’re usually more low key.
Last night’s opener was British singer David Ford. His music is in the same vein as Damien Rice and James Blunt but edgier. His performance was phenomenal, especially for a solo act. He would jump from instrument to instrument, recording and playing back loops, so by the end of the song it sounded like there was a whole band backing him up. I’ve seen people do this in a studio, but watching it live was something else.We bought his CD at the concert for ten bucks. It’s good, but it lacks the emotions the live act provided. Regardless, if you’re into the light alternative scene, I definitely recommend checking out his album. If you have a chance to see Ford in person, jump on the opportunity. You won’t be disappointed.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
I’ll Drink To That
Although Cinco de Mayo holds a long-standing tradition of getting drunk on cheap Mexican beer, there’s actually more to the story. Many people believe it’s a celebration of Mexico’s independence from Spain, but that was actually declared on September 16, 1810. Eleven years later, they actually achieved that independence. Cinco de Mayo actually celebrates the victory of the Mexican army over French troops in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862.
Mexico had fallen into debt to several countries after the Mexican American War, but France was the only one who came to collect. The French army outnumbered Mexico’s militia forces nearly two-to-one, but the Mexicans were able to push the better-equipped army back. Now we celebrate this victory by drinking margaritas and pounding back 12-ounce cans of Dos Equies.
What most people don’t know is that France came back a year later and beat up on the Mexicans. They placed a leader in Mexico City for four years until he was executed after an uprising.
Although Cinco de Mayo holds a long-standing tradition of getting drunk on cheap Mexican beer, there’s actually more to the story. Many people believe it’s a celebration of Mexico’s independence from Spain, but that was actually declared on September 16, 1810. Eleven years later, they actually achieved that independence. Cinco de Mayo actually celebrates the victory of the Mexican army over French troops in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862.
Mexico had fallen into debt to several countries after the Mexican American War, but France was the only one who came to collect. The French army outnumbered Mexico’s militia forces nearly two-to-one, but the Mexicans were able to push the better-equipped army back. Now we celebrate this victory by drinking margaritas and pounding back 12-ounce cans of Dos Equies.
What most people don’t know is that France came back a year later and beat up on the Mexicans. They placed a leader in Mexico City for four years until he was executed after an uprising.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Whipless
With the recent utilization of Eight Belles at the Kentucky Derby this weekend, a lot of horse racing professionals are re-examining the rules and traditions utilized in the sport. One rule change that’s being considered is removing the whip from racing. A growing number of trainers, jockeys, and of course PETA, support this idea. The general consensus is that it’s an unnecessary tradition and doesn’t raise the level of competition.
I’m not much of a horseracing fan, so they can do what ever they want concerning whips. As long they can still be used by Indiana Jones and in the bedroom, I have no problems with its deletion from racing. Now, you take it away from Indiana and then we’d have problems
With the recent utilization of Eight Belles at the Kentucky Derby this weekend, a lot of horse racing professionals are re-examining the rules and traditions utilized in the sport. One rule change that’s being considered is removing the whip from racing. A growing number of trainers, jockeys, and of course PETA, support this idea. The general consensus is that it’s an unnecessary tradition and doesn’t raise the level of competition.
I’m not much of a horseracing fan, so they can do what ever they want concerning whips. As long they can still be used by Indiana Jones and in the bedroom, I have no problems with its deletion from racing. Now, you take it away from Indiana and then we’d have problems
Friday, May 02, 2008
Tom Cruise – Insert punch line here –
In an interview with Oprah, Tom Cruise said that he wouldn’t take back the couch jumping fiasco that started his downward media spiral three years ago. In a non-related story, Steve Bartman was overheard mentioning that he will continue to try to catch every foul ball at Cub’s games, Mike Tyson claims he doesn’t regret biting off Holyfield’s ear, and the Japanese would still bomb Pearl Harbor even if we rewound time. Oh, and did I mention Bill Clinton feels no remorse about the blue dress incident. Okay, that last one actually is true, but you didn’t hear it from me.
In an interview with Oprah, Tom Cruise said that he wouldn’t take back the couch jumping fiasco that started his downward media spiral three years ago. In a non-related story, Steve Bartman was overheard mentioning that he will continue to try to catch every foul ball at Cub’s games, Mike Tyson claims he doesn’t regret biting off Holyfield’s ear, and the Japanese would still bomb Pearl Harbor even if we rewound time. Oh, and did I mention Bill Clinton feels no remorse about the blue dress incident. Okay, that last one actually is true, but you didn’t hear it from me.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Late Movie Review: Charlie Wilson’s War
I finally got to watch Charlie Wilson’s War starring Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Despite the critical acclaim it received when it was in theaters, I just wasn’t pulled into the story from the previews, so I put off seeing the film. After watching it last night, I’m ashamed that it took me as long as it did to experience this gem.
I loved almost every minute of Charlie Wilson’s War. The acting was excellent, especially Hoffman portraying CIA Agent Gust Avrakotos. Now that I’ve seen all of the Oscar nominated performances, I have to admit I think he was slightly robbed by not taking home the golden statue. Of course, the actors had a great script to work with. It was much funnier than expected and moved at a great pace.
Above all, I think the underlying message is as pertinent as ever. Charlie explains that we go in to a country in despair and kick some ass. Then we leave. When we drop the ball on our way out, and it keeps on bouncing. It speaks to the Cold War situation and our current one. If we go in, tear up a government, and leave without rebuilding, the country is left to fend for itself. The population is young and impressionable, and without proper education, they’re easily swayed. Eventual rebels and terrorists will pick up the pieces. That’s why we are back in Afghanistan now. We didn’t rebuild what we help tear down in the late 80s. Faced with the same situation now, we’re trying to do the right thing.
The problem isn’t finding an answer; it’s finding the right answer. Situations are fluid, governments change, and no matter how hard you try to do good, the result will never be proven, only assumed. The Zen master in the fable has it absolutely correct when he only replies, “We shall see.”
“These things happened and they were glorious. But we f**ked up the end game,” Charlie Wilson.
I finally got to watch Charlie Wilson’s War starring Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Despite the critical acclaim it received when it was in theaters, I just wasn’t pulled into the story from the previews, so I put off seeing the film. After watching it last night, I’m ashamed that it took me as long as it did to experience this gem.
I loved almost every minute of Charlie Wilson’s War. The acting was excellent, especially Hoffman portraying CIA Agent Gust Avrakotos. Now that I’ve seen all of the Oscar nominated performances, I have to admit I think he was slightly robbed by not taking home the golden statue. Of course, the actors had a great script to work with. It was much funnier than expected and moved at a great pace.
Above all, I think the underlying message is as pertinent as ever. Charlie explains that we go in to a country in despair and kick some ass. Then we leave. When we drop the ball on our way out, and it keeps on bouncing. It speaks to the Cold War situation and our current one. If we go in, tear up a government, and leave without rebuilding, the country is left to fend for itself. The population is young and impressionable, and without proper education, they’re easily swayed. Eventual rebels and terrorists will pick up the pieces. That’s why we are back in Afghanistan now. We didn’t rebuild what we help tear down in the late 80s. Faced with the same situation now, we’re trying to do the right thing.
The problem isn’t finding an answer; it’s finding the right answer. Situations are fluid, governments change, and no matter how hard you try to do good, the result will never be proven, only assumed. The Zen master in the fable has it absolutely correct when he only replies, “We shall see.”
“These things happened and they were glorious. But we f**ked up the end game,” Charlie Wilson.
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