Is that a threat?

My 3-year-old daughter told me that she didn't want me to go to work today. I said that I had to anyway. She thought about it, looked around the room through the corner of her eyes, and replied, "But if you get injured, then you won't be able to work."

I think I will sleep with one eye open tonight.

Reality Check

I've been getting down on myself because my kids are getting bigger, my house is getting smaller, and my neighborhood is taking it's sweet time on getting better. The wife and I wanted out. We wanted some new digs where our kids could run free in cul-de-sacs and our neighbors actually mowed their lawns. Then I realized how whiny we were being.

Reality check. We have a house, we can pay our bills, and we both have jobs. So suck it up and quit bitching Lucas. That's what I told myself. And myself listened. Now I'm happier. Thank you Tony Robbins and your new cheesy-ass show that actually effected me.

Relax

The last couple of months have been a whirlwind of work and more work. Of course, I can always find solace in wine, my trusty friend.

Pass the Popcorn

Date Night: As funny as expected. And even funnier if you've been married for awhile with kids.

The Losers: Yes they were. This movie lacked any sort of climax during every single scene. That's actually really hard to do. Congrats on being that noncommittal.

The Ghost Writer: Merely okay. You know it's been a slow movie year when half of the movies the critics recommend are lackluster... and they admit it.

Punch Drunk

LeGarrette Blount needs to quit punching people in the face and then acting like he's the cock of the walk. Seriously, it's not even the punch that bothers me. It's the instantaneous backpedaling, chest pumping, and arm waving that is annoying.

His mannerisms are exactly the same as they were after he hit the Boise guy, which makes it appear like he hasn't changed a bit. His first instinct is to swing. His second instinct is to puff out his chest and keep talking. It's actually pathetic.

But don't tell him I said that! He might track me down and clock me in the face.

A reason to be proud

I was at the park with Sophia, my 3-year-old daughter, this weekend when a 4-year-old little girl decided she wanted to be friends. Before long I was playing double duty parent while her mom sat disinterested on the sidelines. During our second stint on the swings, Sophia looked at me and said, "When I grow up, I want to be a doctor."

The other little girl replied, "When I grow up, I want to be a fire hydrant."

I was quick to respond, "Well, they both help people in a time of need." But on the inside, I was glad my daughter didn't want to be a receptacle for dog piss. Good job kiddo.

Pass the Popcorn: Inception

Inception is a good piece of film making - interesting story, decent acting, and great set pieces. But is it as good as most people are trying to convince themselves it is? Probably not. Is it a lot better than anything else that came out this year? Yes.

A summer of duds has helped Inception to rise above its short falls and slightly annoying ending. But it's definitely worth seeing, and that's all that really matters.

Passing Out with Style

I saw a story on the news last night about a dude who passed out drunk on the road. I’ve only done that once. It was back in my college days, which makes sense – or at least it makes me feel a tiny bit justified. But here’s the difference between my story and the other dude who came-to half naked in the gutter.

I woke up nestled in some bushes, wrapped in quilt. I was almost comfortable. This begs the question, was I even ‘passed out’ drunk. I think not. I’m mean, let’s really look at this. Even if I was three-sheets to the wind, I had the wherewithal to take a quilt with me when I left the house.

Sure, I had one or twelve too many, but as I stepped out the door, I at least thought to myself, “hey you, there’s a good chance you’re not going to make it to wherever you plan on going. Why don’t you take a blanket just in case.”

Of course, that also brings up the Neo and the vase scenario. Had I not brought a blanket with me, would I have still given up and laid down or just kept trudging along? I guess we will never know.

Remember the Goo Goo Dolls? Yeah, I do too. But I'm not letting it bring me down.

JAWS

I thought I was going to be disappointed when I sat down to watch Jaws this morning. It had been awhile since I had seen it and many movies from that era have not aged well (as it was later pointed out by Mr. Strahl, most of the movies I was thinking of 'in this era' actually came from the late 60s, so my comparison was unjust). But disappointed I was not.

In 1975, cinema discovered a new phrase - The Blockbuster. While movies like Gone with the Wind were considered blockbusters because of the money they made over time,  Jaws was the first film to transform the definition into a type of movie; an event that would create lines of eager fans wrapping around city blocks. And as more people crammed into the theaters to see this toothy masterpiece, it became evident they would soon be staying out of the water once the credits rolled.

The best part about Jaws is how well it holds up in 2010. Its story is predicated on human reaction while the fear comes mostly from what you can't see. It's a slow rolling movie that builds tension over its entirety. And in the third act, when you need a payoff, you get to see the biggest damn shark known to man. But not too much of it to realize that it's not real. Something Deep Blue Sea should have thought about.

Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, and Robert Shaw compliment each other masterfully. Each character taking full advantage of the scenes intended to show deep back stories in just a couple of lines. And kudos to Spielberg for not forcing the action, rather, letting the characters build it.

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

Pass the Popcorn: Green Zone

Matt Damon is an army officer who decides to buck the system in order to find out why the military is receiving  faulty intelligence during the war in Iraq. Green Zone is one of a many movies that questions our motives for attacking Iraq in 2003. But does it bring anything new to the table like the Hurt Locker did last year? I'd say yes...but mildly.

Green Zone departs from the barrage of Indie-style story lines and character pieces without diving fully into the action-infused likes of Black Hawk Down. What it delivers is stylish scenes that have enough patience to build its climax at an adequate pace - something Michael Bay could take a note from.

While it's not perfect and completely enthralling, it was good the whole way through. It's definitely worth renting.

Second, Please.

While most people say that second place is the first loser, I disagree. Mainly because I perpetually end up getting second place. Unless, of course, there are only two competitors, at which time I get either first or last - take that powers of inductive reasoning.


Seriously though, second place stands on the cusp of awesomeness. I contend that if you get a medal for it, then you are a winner even if that medal is less revered and not used as the standard of which all things are valued. So I commend you, bridesmaids. I tip my hat to you, runner-ups. You are almost good enough to be the best and that's not bad.

So the next time someone tells you that you're a loser for getting second, dismantle them with powerful rhetoric. Inform them that if you are the best at being second, then you are actually first at something, which means you're a winner after all.

Why Chevy is better than Nissan

Because they managed to make an electric car that doesn't look like an electric car. Imagine that. I can buy something that's good for the environment without having to wear it on my sleeve. There are still some of us out there that like to do the right thing without having to admit it. The bottom line is that Chevy still makes cars for men. Even their foo-foo cars are more manly, and I like that.

Chevy Volt

 

Nissan (lame-ass) Leaf

Crazy Cool

The history buff inside me thinks this is awesome. An 18th century ship was just discovered at the World Trade Center construction site. NYC has some great history.

Pass the Popcorn: A Single Man

A Single Man starring Colin Firth is a slow, methodical character pieces that peers into a man's thoughts after he loses his lover of 16 years. The acting is great and the cinematography is interesting (especially the color shifts), but the movie itself bogged down a little too much for my liking. If you're a fan of true character pieces, then this is a movie for you. Otherwise, you might want to skip it.

I'm a fan

The same Dyson that brought us $400 - $600 vacuums is now bringing us equally expensive fans. But these aren’t just any fans. They are air multipliers – no blades, no chopping. Sorry, ninja fans. A lot of industry folks wonder if fans should be so expensive. Then again, should vacuums?

I won’t be shelling out $300 bucks anytime soon for one of these bladeless fans, but I want to. Instead, my $30 5-year-old Black & Decker will keep churning the air through my hallways and my $80 Hoover will clean my carpets. Sorry Dyson. I love your technology. I’m just not willing to pay for it.

And1 Be Lo-Qi

We worked with Kamp Grizzly to produce this And1 spot. Ha, we laughed in the face of a tight budget and timeline.

Hell Week

This week was reminiscent of high school football two-a-days. A body numbing workload that led to at least one person throwing up from exhaustion.

After some series sweat, we finally launched And1's new site. Of course, it took some hardcore cramming, a lot of yelling, and a couple of tears to do it. My mentally recovery is slow. Hopefully, I will be able to blog more soon.

You can check out the site here. Kamp Grizzly helped create the bitchen video on the homepage. The next one is going to be even better. Kudos.

Pass the Popcorn: Movie Roundup

Since prime time TV went on hiatus, I've had more room for the cinema. That's right, I just said cinema. Here's some quick and dirty reviews for you.

Shutter Island: Good flick. Some of the shots seemed forced. The actual "twist" was obvious, but how they played it out was well done. The final line of the movie was a little too cryptic as well. But the result was worth renting.


She's Out of My League: Surprisingly good. I had low expectations, which might have helped. It's a comedy with heart but not so much heart that it becomes a romantic comedy. It doesn't compare to similar movies like Forgetting Sarah Marshal, but it kept me entertained. It's worth renting.

Hot Tub Time Machine: Rude, Crude, and Fun. It had some good references to Cusack's earlier movies, which they really could have pushed further. The gross-out moments weren't too cringe worthy, and the performances were strong. Definitely worth renting.

Legion: A much richer cast than I realized helped this Vengeful God movie out of the gate. The script had some pretty big holes in it, and I'm not talking about plot believability holes. You have to suspend your beliefs quite a bit when watching any movie about an Army of angels sent to kill all mankind. I'm talking about their lack of attack plan, which are more tactic believability holes. Regardless, if you can turn off  your brain, it's a fun ride. Out of all the movies I've seen recently, Legion left the most on the table. The story could have competed much better with the creepy characters. But I wasn't cinematicly offended. Its worth a rent if there's nothing else on the shelf.

The Box: An interesting concept that was taken too far into the realm of the X-Files. The Box left too many questions unanswered for my liking. You can skip this one.

Summer Shoes: And1 Downtime

I got the hook up on some And1 Downtimes, and I have to say that they're pretty comfy sneakers. Similar to the Nike Free, they are lightweight, super breathable, and great for chillin' and training. They retail for 50-60 bucks, which is a great price considering what the Frees cost.

The Downtimes are the first shoe in And1's Lo-Qi category (off court). Here's a camera phone pic. You can see more details on And1's website.

Do you need a band-aid for your boo-boo?

I've been mildly engaged in World Cup Soccer so far. Why not fully engaged? Simple. Soccer on the world stage is full of flops, whining, and crying. It's ridiculous. I couldn't figure it out at first, but when I really started paying attention, all I saw was dudes falling down after being barely brushed by defenders. Then they roll around writhing in "pain" until they get the whistle.

Sure, this happens in other sports. But in soccer, it seems to happen every two minutes. I've never seen so many fragile athletes in my entire life. My one-year-old son can take a bigger hit than that.

Yeah, I know, they're trying to get the whistle and the advantage in the game. But if they would just play and let their talent give them the advantage, it would be a much more fun sport to watch. Really, I blame the refs (or whatever they're called in soccer) for being so damned whistle happy. They need to take a note out of a parenting book; when you're kid is whining, you don't give in. If you do, they simply continue to whine in order to get their way.

So come on, soccer. Man up. Quit being a bunch of pansies in knee-highs and turn your game back into a sport.

Google Chrome is Fast.

I seem to be in the mood to show you all one video after another. So check out how fast Google Chrome is. Was that fast? I'm not sure. I think that was fast.

Pass the Popcorn: Youth in Revolt

On a scale of 1 to shoot myself in the head from boredom, Youth in Revolt sucked ass. Perhaps my expectations were too high. No, check that. I merely expected an entertaining movie. Nothing more. What I got as a lame, tractionaless pile of suck. I am saddened.

In all honesty, the movie was moderately okay. But there have been so many 'moderate' movies lately, I can't take it anymore. Give me something worth watching. I'm sick of mediocrity. I'm tired of laughing three times in an hour and a half. If I wasn't so lazy I would start reading books again. Shame on you, Hollywood.

Good Old 70s Problem Solving! Blow It Up.

I even tricked myself.

I thought I made up a cool quote last night. "Courage is born when fear sticks around to see what happens next." As it turns out, it's a little too close to the General Patton quote, "Courage is fear holding on a minute longer."

I must have heard it at some point and time. Oh well. I'm just not quite as cool as I thought. That doesn't mean I'm still not super cool. I'm just not super awesome cool. I can live with that.

Smurfs get the big screen treatment.

Weekend Lessons: There's no P in my ool.

Last weekend brought 80-degree temps to Portland for the first time all year. It's been so miserable here we actually recorded the highest rainfall total for June ever... and we're only 15 days in. That being said, the kids and I were determined to enjoy the summer sun while we had the chance. And really, it could be worse. We could live in Alaska where you get nearly 24 hours of daylight this time of year. Can you imagine if we had 24 hours of daylight. It wouldn't be the end-all be-all until you added the dreary rain. All you would see is cloudy skies and rain. At least when it gets dark, we forget about the rain a little. Sorry. I digress.

So the kids and I spent some time in the sun. On Saturday, it was all about the backyard plastic pool and sprinklers. We've got a good routine down. Sophia, my 3-year-old, runs around all day and when she needs to pee, she goes in the yard. No harm, no foul. I'm mean we're already out there, she's wet so I don't want her running through the house, and it's not like anybody can see her. This was working out for me until she decided that number one wasn't enough.

While I was staining the deck I noticed that she wasn't in her usual pee stance. It was more of a squat. Then it happened. Number two. I ran over, yelling 'No', but it was too late. The deed was done.

Confused, she said, "but the dog does it. You just need to scoop it up like the dog."

Yup, my daughter told me to scoop her poop, which I did because I couldn't just let it sit there. Picking up the dog's poop is one thing, but there's something far more disturbing about baggying up your kid's poop. It's just not right.

Needless to say, there will be no more peeing or pooping in our backyard from now on.

Pass the Popcorn: Valkyrie

This movie had some decent tension and an interesting look at a piece of history that's often left out of WWII talk. But no one uses a German accent, nor do they even try. Super lame. You could've done better, Valkyrie; historically and cinematically.

A Tough Crowd

My daughter kept following me around this morning asking what song I sang to Henry last night. For the life of me, I couldn't remember. Finally, I gave in and made something up on the spot, "They call him Henry, Henry, 'cause that was his name. Sleeping beside you is his favorite game." (It's fair to note that they were lying next to each other at the time).

I stopped singing and waited for her response. She looked at me, tilted her head to the side, raised her hand (palm facing up) in the patented 'I don't know' way and said, "Daddy, what kind of song is that?"

"I don't know Sophia. I don't know."

Pass the Popcorn: Alice in Wonderland

Tim Burton's remake of Alice in Wonderland was oddly disappointing. The set pieces were interesting, the characters were well done (for the most part), and it was an fresh take on an old story. But the result was disjointed and kind of boring. The movie didn't equal the sum of its parts.

Better than Nike's 3-minute ad.

Turn it Up: The Avett Brothers

My sister turned me onto The Avett Brothers over the holiday weekend, and I have to say that they're a good find indeed. Their newest album, I and Love and You, is pretty good. But for my money, their last disc, Emotionalism, is the best representation of the genre. 

Rest in Peace, Mr. Wooden

The UCLA basketball coach that gave us bits of wisdom like "ability is a poor man's wealth" and "don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do" died this week at age 99. He'll always be remembered as a master motivator who won 7 consecutive championships with UCLA and 88 straight victories.

Pass the Popcorn: The Lovely Bones

Peter Jackson made a departure from epic films like King Kong and Lord of the Rings to direct the supposed emotional thriller The Lovely Bones. What I'm sure was a grippingly sad book to read translated into annoyance on screen. Despite decent performances (not great) the movie drug on while the "in-between" set pieces lacked any sense of actual wonder. At the very least, the script made me hate the villain and lament a family's loss, but I left feeling more empty than sad. It was a mediocre effort.

Home is where you hang your rack

Pass the Popcorn: Iron Man 2

By now you've probably heard all of the critics say that Iron Man 2 was good but not great. I'm here to totally... agree. They've all hit the nail on the head. It's a fun action movie to kick off the summer, but it lacks some of the charm of the first one. I don't think the new characters are too convoluted like a lot of the critics, but I definitely can see why they wish they had more substance. All in all,  it's worth seeing.

Guatemala City Sinkhole

It's so big it looks fake. If I didn't see these images on all of the news outlets, I wouldn't believe this one. That's end of the world big.

Back from Tahoe

Who would have thought I needed to go to 7,600 feet above sea level to get some sun?

Pass the Popcorn: Crazy Heart

Jeff Bridges as the Johnny Cash-eque lead character is broken but not hopeless in this slow roller. The supporting cast also delivers nicely. Anytime a movie takes me into the world of cowboys with demons I can't help but think of my grandpa who passed away some years back. He lived a hard life, but one I look back on with positive memories. So Crazy Heart probably affected me a little more than the normal viewer.

Lost!?* (Spoiler Alert) I think.

I watched the first episode of Lost six years ago and the second half of the last episode. I don't feel like I missed out on much. 

After watching the pilot and hearing the rumblings of fans, I was pretty sure the whole ordeal would be a purgatory situation where everyone had to tackle their demons in order to move on. I think I was right. Of course, I missed a lot of the middle there, so I can't be sure. Then again, I don't know if the dedicated viewers can even be sure.

Luck of the Irish

Most NBA fans counted the Celtics out  going into the playoffs. And righfully so. They hobbled to the finish, losing 7 of their last 10 games. Not the way you want to charge into the post season. But their aging vetrans discovered the fountain of youth while Rondo fully came into his own. Now it's hard not to call the Celtics the favorite going forward.

I bet a 22-ounce microbrew that the Celtics would beat the Magic, and I'm looking forward to cashing in. Of course, like everyone else, I wasn't confident with my pick. I just knew that if Orlando's role players went cold, the men in green had a great chance. And that's exactly what happened.

I"m embracing my one shining moment and hoping they don't completely fold from here on out - I would hate to have to take the blame for a late season jinx. So let's go green. Oh yeah, I also hope the Lakers get whooped.

Will it happen to me?

Yahoo featured an article that gives you 15 clues you may be heading towards a divorce. The one they left off: If you're reading an article hoping it will tell you whether or not you might be heading for divorce.

Nike Touts Best Ad Ever?

 Nope. Wrong. It's got some great moments, but the casual fan gets lost in the storyline. A great ad captivates, motivates, and grips the core, enrolls the casual, and inspires the fringe. The specific athlete stories in this ad don't translate to those beyond the core. It would have more impact if were broken up into three or four separate pieces and run as individual spots in a campaign. The casual and fringe consumers wouldn't get as confused but still get wrapped up in the action. It's a montage of cliche soccer scenes mixed with too many stories. Good but not great.

Facebook is the Matrix

Forget about A.I. robots and being plugged into giant machines. Facebook is the one that will rule our existence. In recent months, Facebook has started linking to our likes and dislikes. It asks us what we want to consume so advertisers can target psychographics better. But in reality, Facebook is studying us. Finding out our strengths and weaknesses. Observing. Preparing.

Today I read that Facebook currency holds legitimacy in the world market. That's right. Facebook has essentially created a currency that handles exchange rates at checkout so your 3 credits work the same in any country. It's possible this could catch on.

Sure, it sounds smart. But is it too smart? Facebook is standardizing our money, becoming the standard for currency across the globe. Observing our spending habits, studying, preparing, plotting.

The movies had it wrong. It's won't be a giant robot that takes over the human race. It will be Facebook. Like or be exterminated...

So How's the Weather?

Portland weather sucks. Everyone that lives here says, "yeah, but wait until summer. Those months make all the rain worth it." That, my friends, is bullsh**. I've never been around so much rain in my entire life. It's like a black hole of suck. Rain, then a little bit of sun, and then more rain.

Last year was just a tease. We actually had a spring. It sucked me in and then sucked the life out of me. Like those damn vampires in Twilight. That's why they filmed those crap-ass movies in the Northwest. They saw the connection. The weather and vampires just sucking the life out of people.

It's too bad. Portland is such a cool town. The weather just sucks. Portland needs to move. That would be cool. If Portland moved, I would follow it. Unless it moved to Washington.

Who Ya Gonna Call?

Great idea. Okay execution. Disappointed no one got slimed.

iPhony

Yahoo asked 'why the iPhone does so well without being the best'. The answer is simple. Tech consumers have a hard-on for Apple. Simple as that. Ask anybody in the creative industry what kind of computer they have and they'll scoff at you like that shouldn't even be a question. Of course it's a MacBook Pro. Of course they have an iPhone. Of course their iPad is being shipped today. The creative industry is dog loyal to apple and they're not afraid to admit it. And since it's a creative's job to recognize trends, market goods, and design ads, they've become pretty convincing brand ambassadors in their personal lives. They sell in everyone they meet and Apple cashes the checks.

The folks making the new Windows ads probably cringe as they concept and edit their commercials on Macs; secretly planting subliminal messages that counter-sell Apple to the unsuspecting public. It's a skinny jean conspiracy that won't end until Steve Jobs rules the world.

So do I have an iPhone and a MacBook? No. Do I want one? Of course I do. I work for an advertising agency. It would be blasphemy for me to think otherwise. At least that's what my creative director tells me everyday as I check my email on my Droid. Hey, back off! I can't get good reception with AT&T at my house. Now if you'll excuse me, I think my computer is about to crash.

Good but a bit Nutty

I just had a conversation with my boss that led down the path of ridiculously priced things. Then I remembered this gem. The world's most expensive coffee comes from Indonesia and sells for roughly $50 a cup. But why is it so pricey? Because it's hard to come by. Oh, and it's made from partially digested coffee beans that are picked out of palm civet poop. Could be a monkey. Maybe it's a weasel. Kind of looks like a cat. Regardless, it's got some tasty poop.

Kopi Luwak sells this stuff for $600 a pound but at least you get this cool box to put it in.

The poop coffee makes me think of all the other things that I could make more expensive by digesting. Maybe diamonds taken from celebrity excrement. The possibilities are endless.

What's Up, Bra!

Joel McHale of The Soup and NBC's Community is a funny dude who's obviously taken his role as the suave community college funnyman seriously. Wow, that was a lot of adjectives. Since landing the role, he's gotten increasinly ripped. Not that I try to pay attention to that sort of thing, but let's be honest; the dude has his shirt off in every episode. He is now creepily buff and looks like he's sporting man boobs. Buff man boobs, but man boobs nonetheless.

Joel McHale, I like the funny but lay off the bench press. Your pecks are taking over and it's creeping me out.

Pass the Popcorn: Couples Retreat

I heard bad review after bad review regarding this movie but a couple of my friends said, "Give a go. It's actually pretty good." So I did. And I regret that now. What starts off as a promising storyline turns into a mediocre  yawner halfway through. Every actor in Couples Retreat is more talented than this movie offers. Yes, there are a couple of funny moments in the first half, but the forced second and third act leave you wondering when it's going to end not how it's going to end. And that's never a good thing.

Vince Vaughn's quick banter is good - but nothing you can't get from any one of his other films. And Jon Favreau's portrayal of an out of shape jock is lack luster at best. They made magic in Swingers but here, only yawns. Grown up humor or not, this movie sucks and I want my two hours back.

P90XXX

Day 10 and things are going good. I haven't really skipped any days. It's a little challenging getting the kids going in the morning while working out, but if I can listen to my iPod, watch Sports Center, and flip through a magazine at the same time, then the morning routine should be no problem.

So am I seeing results? Actually, yes. Nothing dramatic but it feels good. The one thing that I do notice is all of the porn star faces the X crew makes during workouts. Not that I know what a porn star's face looks like. The chick in the chest and back workout, in particular, goes old school with her O face. She even looks like she could be found in an 80s German porn flick. It creeps me out every time. I never knew shoulder circles could be so pleasing for the ladies. Now if I could just get my wife to realize that.

New Shoes, Maybe

I've been needing a pair of new shoes for the last 4 months. My Saucony Courageous sneakers have been solid for almost a year, but it's time to move on. I'm just not sure what to get. I'm leaning towards the Nike Trainer Low but don't really want to spend that much. My biggest hurdle is that I don't wear different shoes everyday. I may have a couple of pairs, but I usually stick to one until they're completely worn out. So they have to work with jeans, shorts, on the trail, and on the town.

I'm supposed to be getting the hook up on some And1 Downtimes at work, but the gravy train is a little slow to the station this time. Pretty soon I'll have to break down and actually pay for something. Any recommends out there?

Wisdumb

Marriage is like insurance. You keep paying the premium to feel secure but chances are you probably won't ever get anything in return.

Upper Playground

If I was cooler, I would buy this Upper Playground Warsaw Houndstooth hoodie. I guess I would have to be less broke too. Details, details.

Flying Solo

The wife and kids are gone for the next couple of days. On the inside I vow to work late and hit the bar for some serious socializing. To be a man's man. To watch sports, play pool, and slap waitresses on the ass when they walk by.  To say things like, "Hey chickadee and what's it to ya."

Of course, I always end up going home and watching TV by myself instead. No matter how much I think I'm the second coming of the world's most interesting man, I know I'll end up passing on the Dos Equis for whatever's on tap. Not a lot of intrigue here. My 5 o'clock shadow doesn't adhere to daylight savings time. And I do have a feminine side, but I'm afraid to show it.

So here's to being a normal middle-aged dad. A hero in my own mind. Don Quixote's long lost cousin. The dude that's only on day 8 of P90X.

In short it looks like a dress

No one wants to go back to the short shorts of pre-2000s basketball. There's no reason a dude's balls should be exposed during any form of stretching. But the college basketball scene has taken the long shorts way too far. During the NCAA Tournament it was hard to ignore how many kids looked like they were wearing dresses out there. It actually amazed me they could move around in those things.

The NBA started down that road a couple of years ago but quickly pulled back to a much more manageable length, which seems to be mirrored by the High School teams. So can anybody tell be why there's this increase in inseam for the college kids?

Kimbo Suck

Street fighter "legend" Kimbo Slice finally proved that it doesn't matter how scary you look if you can actually fight. The UFC booted him this weekend after he lost again. I guess it doesn't matter how much bad-ass YouTube footage you have touting your talent; the octagon isn't a backyard fight club with your buddies.

Don't get me wrong, I would run away from this guy any day of the week. But I'm also not a UFC fighter. What's next for Slice? Maybe he should get some tips from Mr. T.

Keepin' it Real by the Pool

Best iPod Dock for the Money

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a big spender. And usually that means I end up with a lot of cheap shit. But the iStereo is one of the best buys I've ever found...and it works really well. Most good iPod docks cost upwards of $100-$150 bucks; at least anything that has decent speakers in them. No joke, the iStereo is $25 at Walmart.

I've had mine for over a year now. The remote broke quickly, but the sound still rings true. For the price you can't go wrong.

Cleaning up the neighborhood!

So my neighbors have finally been evicted or the foreclosed on - whatever happened, they've been gone for the last couple of months. Regardless, they left their house trashed. The front door his half painted, the screens are mangled, and the lawn resembles the set of The Predator. Today, I grew sick of seeing it.

My first mission: Stealth lawn mowing. Okay, fine. I wasn't that stealthy. It was the middle of the day and people were all over the streets because the parade just ended. I mowed my planting strip and looked over at theirs. The weeds were laughing at me. And in Spanish too. I couldn't understand what it was saying, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't nice. So I emptied my mower bag, pinned my ears back, and blew through their planting strip too. Then I tackled their front yard. No one jumped me, so I'm pretty sure I'm in the clear.

Mission two: Repaint their jacked up red door. I think I have the same color paint in my garage. It would literally take me five minutes too do. I just don't know if it's legal. I think mission two requires a little more planning.

Day Three

The P90X dude is a major blow hard. He's not very motivating and loves to hear himself talk. I can see myself doing this on mute as soon as I get all of the rotations down.

That said, I also think these workouts are pretty sweet. They're have a good pace and you feel the burn by the end. The one thing I will say about Mr. X is that he does have a good mantra. All you have to do is try and success will follow. That's not verbatem, but you get the idea. Effort leads to motivation. Motivation leads to improvements. Improvements lead to results.

Pans Ho that was good (That's Oh Snap backwards). I should dance around in front of a camera and listen to myself talk. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to Q90Y. Same workout, better host.

The Fridays :(

There's nothing worse that an unproductive Friday. They usually follow Thursdays that are jam packed with down to the wire gettin' it doneness. The days that require the come-from-behind creative brief rewrite minutes before the client arrives just to spend the rest of the day combing over the final product. Your minds all geared up. You're ready to rock'n roll. Then Friday rolls around and the energy's gone. For whatever reason, nobody's peering over your shoulder, counting down deadlines, or cracking whips. The clock becomes the enemy not for lack of time but for excess.

And so I wait...Try as I might to be motivated, to trudge forward alone and without direction, I end up sitting and waiting instead. Tic...Toc...Tic...Toc. Damn you Friday.

Before and Afters

I received the P90X series from a friend. Yup, the workout videos that a dude can do without feeling...you know, less than manly. Let's just say strip tease aerobics is more for viewing and less for doing. But I digress.

Getting back on track. You've seen the infomercials. Before P90X - Loser flabby pants. After P90X - Rock hard all-star. So I was a little excited. Gonna change my life and stuff. I got out my camera and took my before pictures. What a douche-baggy thing to do. I don't know why it is but it is. I felt like I was taking part in child porn - all sad faced with my shirt off.

Granted, since having kids I've softened up some. I didn't get fat, but I definitely lost my college definition. I was a damn model for crying out loud. And now I'm taking before pictures for P90X in my home office. Wow.

We'll see how it works. Check that - we'll see how I work. I'm the one that has to wake up at 6 a.m. to listen to some dude yell at me on TV, which wouldn't be bad if my kids would actually let me get some sleep at night. Bu that's an excuse and I'm done with those. After pictures, here I come.

...I'm only on day two by-the-way.

The New Me

I want to dig back into my sadistic self. I let it be for awhile but am getting bored with the result. This will be my fresh start to honesty.

Check out my latest work.

Pass the Popcorn: Milk

After my sister-in-law said that Gus Van Sant's Milk changed her life and made her cry for hours afterward, I had to give it a go. Cry I did not, and my life did not change. Sean Penn did an amazing job along with the high power supporting cast. It's a good movie but not life altering. Enjoy reading about the "Twinkie Defense" once it's over.

Pass the Popcorn: Movies I skipped in the past because I thought they would suck.

Open Water 2: Adrift - A-Suck. I knew it would. But I was bored, and it was worse.

College - Wow. Awful. I guess I went to the wrong college. I didn't realize so many girls had fake boobs and were willing to run around naked all the time.

W. - Better than I thought it would be. I'm not left or right, so my views on W aren't swayed by affiliation. I actually think Oliver Stone held back. Surprising.

Defendor - Pretty good but a little slow. The story was missing some needed momentum shifts, but the ending was in line with how I typically end screenplays. So I approve.

The iPad sales beat early iPhone sales

Well I would hope so. With the technology, interface, and expectations already proven by the iPhone, it only makes sense that the iPad would have a greater immediate success. It will be more impressive if it can prolong that success. Being a luxury item that goes beyond a cell phone but falls short of a laptop, makes it a more vulnerable. The real test will be at the 1 year mark (once the early adopters have all bought). Don't get me wrong, I still don't see it failing. I'm just not blown away by the early numbers.

I've been so swamped at work I don't even have time to complain about being swamped. I guess that's a good thing. At least I'm working, right?

Here's a quick and dirty list of my favorite childhood movies.

1. Better Off Dead
2. Red Dawn
3. The Ewok Adventure
4. Three Amigos
5. Silverado

Pass the Popcorn: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

This one's short and sweet. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs has some great comedic moments but ultimately, was a little to gluttonous for its own good. The plot follows a failed inventor who tries to impress his dad by making something useful. His one success turns rain clouds into food that falls from the sky. Cute at first but after an hour an a half, I actually became a little disturbed. I mean really, who wants to eat ice cream off the pavement after it's been walked on. By the time this movie was over, I had a stomach ache, and I didn't even eat anything.

Pass the Popcorn: Fantastic Mr. Fox

Wes Anderson's latest foray into the absurdly entertaining came in the form of Fantastic Mr. Fox - a stop motion animated feature based on a book by Roald Dahl. In a era that's ruled by computer generated characters, this little caper film took me back to my youth when special effects were more special despite being less effective. The script has Anderson's trademark quirkiness in every scene but stays safely in the shallow end, which will probably help attract a slightly younger audience.

Fox definitely has a charm about it that's worth watching. The story doesn't feel as complete as most of the Pixar types but that's probably because we're used to watching cartoons that deliver acts 1,2,and 3 wrapped in a bow.

My Oscar vote for UP still remains, but Fantastic Mr. Fox has easily moved towards the top of my animated feature list. I think Wes Anderson is at his best when he's not trying to out do himself and more focused on escaping into the fantastical - probably why I enjoy Life Aquatic more than his other films.

New Tiger Ad

Check out the new Nike/Tiger ad. It's pretty good. At first I thought it was trying too hard. But the more I thought about it from Nike's perspective I realized the appropriateness of its tone. The ad uses the voice of Tiger's late father to talk about lessons learned. More so, I think it's comparing Nike's relationship with the superstar to that of a parent. Perhaps Nike wasn't angry, just sorely disappointed.

I bought the new Train album and the new Barenaked Ladies album because both bands remind me of being cool in college. I listened to them and realized both albums largely suck. Now I'm beginning to think I actually wasn't cool in college either.

The only league where I don't get paid to win is the one I won. Go figure.

Autos and Automatics

I knew fast cars led to urban drag racing and unruly kids. I saw The Fast and the Furious just like everybody else. But mob-like crowds at the NYC Auto Show, really? This year 4 people were shot leaving the show early Monday morning in Times Square. Go figure. I guess the debate of Fords over Chevys has heated up since my day. MSG should be embarrassed that there's not that much passion behind any of the sports teams that play in the Garden. All joking aside, it's sad and ridiculous. Today's youth need to quit pretending their lives are the latest release of Grand Theft Auto and grow up. It's a shame and depressing at the same time.

Nike Air. I knew there was something different about those shoes.

Pass the Popcorn: 2012

Awful. I love John Cusack, but this movie was bad. I couldn't fathom suspending my belief enough to get on board as soon as his character decided to take his kids to Yellowstone National Park for a weekend camping trip in a limo while living in L.A. Sorry writers, but lets try a little harder next time.

Entitled "Game Over"
Polish artist Kordian Lewandowski treading on blasphemy or brilliance.

The Original

Remember in the late 80s when you just weren't cool unless you had a Powell Peralta skateboard - the grip tape covered 3/4 of the deck and florescent trucks and wheels were big pimpin'.

I had one. It was badass. I'm pretty sure it was pink, but still badass.

I never learned how to ride it though. Unless you count cruising down the sidewalk at an infant's pace riding. And actually pulling off an Ollie? Forget about it. But I had one. Unfortunately, my lack of skills never crossed me over into the cool ratings.

Man, I should've learned how to ride that thing. Who knows how my life would have changed. I might have been a rock star or a surfer. Maybe in another lifetime, Mr. Peralta. Maybe.

If I Had a Million Dollars

This Barenaked Ladies classic has become my new favorite Karaoke songs to sing (duet). Of course, you need to take that with a grain of salt, considering I Karaoke about once a year. But here's the skinny. The song is easy to sing, so even the tone deficient have a hard time offending. It includes quirky banter, a staple if you're a comedian at heart. And it's Ray Stevens-esque lyrics are hard to take seriously. So even if you think you're a real singer, which most of us are not, you lean towards entertaining once it starts.

I will say that I had to laugh at the lady who actually brought in her personal Karaoke CD. I thought that only happened in bad Gwyneth Paltrow movies.

Saturday Night at the Golden Crown

The Weather

I hate talking about the weather because it always seems cliche. "How have ya been? How's the weather?" But when you live in Portland, a sunshiny day is worth bringing up. Just knowing we're supposed to get blue skies and warm temps puts a smile on my face.

So guess what? It's gonna be nice in Portland this weekend. And I'm jazzed about it. The gray skies can suck it. The rain can kiss my ass. I want me some sunshine.

I've already approached strangers and gave them the weather report courtesy of my Droid's Weather Channel App. Smalltalk my ass. This is news. Nay! This is gospel, and I will preach its glory as much as I want.

March Madness!

I fully plan on getting last in my office pool this year. I was close to the bottom last year, but I think the competition for sucking the most is getting weaker, like this year's at-large teams. Why will I fail once again in NCAA Tourney Pick 'ems?

1. When Duke is ranked, I always put them in the Final Four. Every year I tell myself not to, but my loyalty outweighs my intelligence. This is why I never take my bets to Vegas.

2. I don't trust Kentucky - too young. They'll probably be in the Championship game, but I'm saying Texas will best them early.

3. Notre Dame is really good and really inconstant. But I've grown attached, so I have them getting bounced by Duke. I should be so lucky.

4. I put too much emphasis on a team's performance in the conference tournaments. UNC got beat in last year's ACC tourney, so I didn't give them enough credit to make it to the Final Four. That and I hate UNC. Regardless, the best team doesn't always win their conference tourney. And when they don't, they get more rest leading into the big dance.

5. Which leads me to the fact that I pick with my heart and not my head. Will Duke really beat Kansas? No. They're too skinny, rely too much on the 3-ball, and their inside play, although improved from years past, still isn't strong enough.

So my winner is...Duke!

See what I mean. Oh well. There's always next year.

Oh, and is there really a women's NCAA tournament going on at the same time? I hear rumors of such a thing but am yet to see evidence that women actually play ball. Sorry ladies.

PlayStation Wii?

With the Nintendo Wii's sales decreasing steadily over the last couple of months, is PlayStation entering the motion controller game a little too late? Unless the PlayStation games are super bad-ass, I can't help but wonder.

Pass the Popcorn: Where the Wild Things Are

I was really excited for this Spike Jonze adaptation to hit DVD this week. I read a ton of good reviews that prepared me to be taken into a magical childlike world of cinema. And yes, the visuals were fantastic and the emotional curve was very childlike, but the story lacked substance.

Spike Jonze did a great job showing the irrational emotions kids feel and how they deal with them, but we don't get a why. Once he takes us into Max's imagination, he doesn't provide a strong enough literary backbone to sustain an hour and half long story. I loved the melancholic feel but the characters didn't seem to grow. I was hoping there would be more...perhaps an arc that allows Max and the Wild Things to discover the source of their confusion opposed to them simply being confused. I don't feel like it delivered that.

Artistic: Yes. Emotional: Yes. Satisfying: Eh. It's worth a rent, but lower your expectations.

This is really smart. I wish I wrote it.

Pass the Popcorn: The Informant!

How could it not be good? There's an exclamation point at the end of the title. Matt Damon plays Mark Whitacre, a big wig in the agro business who decides to blow the whistle on price fixing. Despite being a fairly forgettable movie, Damon's off-beat portrayal is top notch. Reminiscent to Burn After Reading, you can't help but be drawn into some people's psyche. Whitacre's bumbling sense of being engaged me throughout. It just took me three days to remember I had watched it. It's basically like an SNL version of The Insider with Russell Crowe.

Pandora Nostalgia

Today I'm listening to a Pandora station inspired by Blues Traveler. It's full 90s alternative soft rock, which brings be back a bit. I can't believe it's been 16 years since I first rocked out to Mr. Jones (the album released in 93 but it didn't hook me until 94). It brings a smile to face for sure, but it also just makes me feel a little old. That's the power of Pandora.

Pass the Popcorn: Moon

Sam Rockwell plays an astronaut at the end of his three-year tenure on a moon station. But is he really alone? I knew the plot line going into Moon, so I didn't spend any time playing out scenarios in my head. My wife, on the other hand, enjoyed the guessing game.

The quietness of the movie pulls you in if you're in the mood for a low key musing. Rockwell does a good job being just about the only person you see the entire movie, and Kevin Spacey voices the robitic GERTY in similar fashion to HAL 9000 in the 2001 Space Odyssy.

It was thought provoking on the service but at it's core, it felt a little empty. I can't put my finger on why that is. I just don't think it built enough emotional tension to be considered great. Ultimately, I was expecting more but was happy with what I got.

It's kind of a mixture between Cast Away, 2001: Space Odyssy, and perhaps Solaris. If those float your boat, it worth the rent.

USA!

We might not have won, but it was a hell of a game to watch.

Brewing Beer with Steve on a Saturday afternoon.

Pass the Popcorn: The Invention of Lying

Ricky Gervais is funny. The Invention of Lying wasn't. Okay, fine. It had several funny moments but by the time the third act started, I checked out. Too much nonsensical babble and not enough emotional weight.

I will say this though, Gervais had one really good scene where he showed some actual depth. I liked that.

The And1.com Refresh Launched Today

The latest fruit of my team's labor. Copy writing is fun. Check out the new refresh.

Mexico's Naica Mine Crystals

They put those science store souvenirs to shame.

The Foot Locker Unlocked Page we created for the Advance Mid

Home Shopping Porn: The Shake Weight

This thing is ridiculous. But you can't ignore the smiles on all those women's faces as they "get in shape." The best part is that it's designed to be a 6-minute workout. Really! Maybe five and a half.

The Who = Who Cares!

A. I didn't realize that The Who monopolized every single CSI intro song. Crazy.
B. If the coolest part of the Super Bowl Halftime Show is the stage, something was obviously missing.
C. The NFL needs to quit going older for this gig. Nipple gate was like seven years ago. Make the singers sign a "I won't f**k with the FCC" contract and put some life back into this once exciting event.

Australian Banker Caught on Camera...looking at an inappropriate email at work. Subtle but Hilarious.

Compassion for those around you meets cruelty in pursuit of self preservation

"PORT-AU-PRINCE (AFP) – The death toll in the Haiti quake has topped 200,000, Prime Minister Jean-Max Bellerive said Wednesday as angry protests over the slow arrival of aid flared on the rubble-strewn streets."

I don't want to sound like I don't care. I'm just dismayed at how disasters bring out the best and worst of people.

I get it. Haiti has suffered a tragedy on a planetary scale. However, many countries are doing a great deal to help them as much as they can. It was a fractured region before the disaster, which doesn't make coming to the rescue any easier. The U.S. alone has donated hundreds of millions of dollars to the relief effort, yet, all we hear about is how pissed off everyone is regarding the efforts.

You can only bring in so much aid when people are mobbing the streets in anger. They can be mad at their own government but blaming all of the other countries that are trying to help is ridiculous.

As a civil person, I think we should help those around us as much as we can. But it's not a governmental obligation. Don't loot everyone around you. Don't set fire to the streets. And don't get pissed off at the people who are trying to help.

I would never wish a disaster upon any nation, but I can't stand the mob mentality that takes over once one happens. It creates a collision between humanities best and worst attributes - Compassion for those around you and cruelty in pursuit of self preservation.