Jackassalope

To Pry not Two Ply

Do you ever have one of those days where you’re so under the weather that you actually feel like you’re glued to the toilet seat while trying to recover? As permanent as that sometimes feels, it could always be worse. A 35-year-old Kansas woman was brought to the hospital earlier this year after literally becoming fused to her toilet.

Paramedics had to pry the toilet seat off of its base, and take the woman to the hospital in order for it to be surgically removed from her ass. Apparently, the Kansas woman simply refused to leave the bathroom despite her boyfriend’s constant pleas. He eventually started bringing her food and water as he continued to try to persuade her to remove herself from her perch. This went on long enough for her skin to actually fuse itself to the toilet seat. I guess that gives new meaning to being up shit’s creek without a paddle.

I’m not sure how to even respond to this. As funny as it initially sounds, you still have to feel bad about this woman’s state of mind, and her boyfriend’s lack of response to the situation. Ass fusion can’t happen over night. In fact, it takes your skin cells 30 days to completely renew themselves, which means she had to be sitting there for quite awhile. And I thought Romeo and Juliet had it bad.