Turn it up: Steel Train

This Jersey band was the opening act for Ben Folds when he came to the Roseland Theater this last year. Their indie folk rock grabbed me when they were on stage, so I purchased their newest release Trampoline. The album has been in constant rotation on my iPod playlist because of its driving harmonies that are backed up by a myriad of instruments. It's full, fun, and hardly misses. Give "Alone at Sea," "Women I belong to," and "Firecracker" a listen.

Since buying Trampoline, I've also tried out one of their early albums, Twilight Tales fromt the Prairies of the Sun. It's heartfelt with strong songwriting but lacks some of the punch of Trampoline. It's a less evolved version of the band but still worth listening to.

Clash of the Titans! I hope this one doesn't disappoint. I was a huge fan of the original stop-animation version from 1981, so my expectations will be high. Sign me up though. I'm one of the few film critics (self-appointed title) that believes remakes can be a wonderful thing. They just have to be done right.

Noooooooooooooo! What's next, a Goonies remake?

**Here's a fun alternative to the Christmas card I helped concept and write at work**

The Frank Holiday Chain Letter

At Frank Creative (the place of my employment) we wanted to wish everyone on Earth a Happy Holiday Season. Unfortunately, we don't know everyone on Earth. But we wouldn't let a silly thing like that stop us from trying. So don't break the chain...or else! Happy Holidays to all.

(Click the image to read the Frank Holiday Chain Letter)

Pass the Popcorn: Inglorious Bastards

This is a quick two-part review for Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards.


Part 1: As a general movie goer, Bastards has some real appeal. It's funny, quirky, suspenseful at times, and not as gory as I was lead to believe. Definitely worth the rent.

Part 2: As a reluctant film critic, I was disappointed in each character's depth. I really liked what Tarantino brought to the screen, but I didn't get to know anyone, thus, I didn't really care if or when they died. Sure, Tarantino's ability to build suspense around a conversation (that ultimately leads to excitement) plays out nicely in this fictional war-time movie, but that alone can't carry the film. I also understand Tarantino's desire to be quirky, hence the miss-casting of Mike Myers and the guy who played Hitler, but again, it felt like a misfire.

Perhaps I should have seen Bastards when it first came out. Waiting in anticipation until a movie hits DVD can often lead to high expectations followed by disappointment, but what's a parent to do? In the end, I enjoyed Inglorious Bastards, but I was hoping for more.

I'm grooming my son to be a 49er fan. This includes reminding him of better days, setting him up for failure, almost succeeding year in and year out, and making him cry so he can get used to the pain. If I do my job right, he'll be grateful by the time they start playing better.

The Nike Trainer 1 Tiger Woods PE - These are some sweet shoes.

This would be a hilarious ad promoting used BMWs if the girl didn't look 15.

A new Robin Hood movie. I'm all in.

Great PSA.

I want a leather-wrapped whiskey glass. I don't even drink whiskey, but the glass is a nostalgic piece I would like to have. If you know where I can find a cool one, let me know.

Add it to the list:
Rudy Fernandez has surgery on his back and will be sidelined for 6 weeks. Go Blazers! Oh yeah, and apparently Tiger Woods has been big pimpin' for quite some time.

Pass the Popcorn: G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra

"And knowing is half the battle." These are the types of lines that made the cartoon so good. But for live action...not so much. It's too bad. The franchise could have really benefited from a Batman Begins vibe, but instead, we got a lesser Transformers. The graphics were lame and over-the-top, the acting was mostly forced, and there might have been more flashbacks than actual movie. As much as it pains me to say it, I don't recommend wasting your time on G.I. Joe. And knowing is half the battle.

Oden Goes Down

Greg Oden became the Trail Blazers' latest injury bug victim. Hell, even Coach McMillen ruptured his right achilles tendon just so he wouldn't feel left out. What was once the deepest (albeit young) team in the league is now scrambling to fill its roster. Oden's injury, however, hurts the most as it's yet another reminder that even though he's a dominant big man when healthy, the Blazers probably can't build a team around him. I'm not going to dog on GO's talent. He's a force in the paint. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter how good you are if you're on the sidelines more than on the court.

I don't know where the Blazers go from here. But no matter how they get there, it's going to be an uphill battle.

Pass the Popcorn: Star Trek

J.J. Abrams did a good job at injecting new life into an old franchise. You know a movie is well made when it's almost over and it feels like it just started. He handled the back stories well and didn't get too bogged down in computer animation. A good time all across the board. The special features also give serious movie fans some good insight on his craft.

Fantasy Football, Son!

After week 13, I should be 10-3. I've racked up the most league points, sit comfortably in second place (maybe even 1st after tonight), and am locked into the playoffs. Unfortunately, my running back core is inconsistent, which can be playoff death. It has forced my to lean heavily on my receivers for big points. Will I continue my streak of dominance? We shall see.

Pass the Popcorn: The Goods

Even though used car sales holds a special place in my bitter heart, The Goods was bad. It had a couple of laugh out loud moments, but too many over-the-top jokes dulled its wit. If you're really bored or drunk, it will suffice. But I can't recommend it in any other capacity.

Redneck Humor is Fun

Oregon vs Oregon State

It's amazing how crazy people get about the Civil War game. I dig it. It's a lot of fun, but since I didn't go to either school, it doesn't rule my day. If I have to listen one more guy who used to play at either school fumble his way through a generic interview on sports talk radio, I'm gonna shoot myself. Or quit listening to sports talk radio.

Seriously, I don't think I've heard a single ex-athlete interview that actually added any insight on the game. If you don't have enough real content to cover two weeks of pre-game converage, talk about something else.

GO DUCKS!

Pass the Popcorn: New Moon

I took my wife to see New Moon on Sunday. It sucked. And 30-year-old women shouldn't be pining over a 17-year-old wolfman. That's statutory rape with your eyes and it's disturbing. And Robert Pattinson had to paint-on abs for his shirtless scene - douche. Did I mention that the movie sucked? No pun intended.

Is it just me or is Adam Lambert nothing more than a gay Madonna.

Pass the Popcorn: Paranormal Activity

The little movie that could has ridden the underground wave of cult popularity thanks to a college campus marketing scheme that costs pennies on the dollar. The 14K indie has turned over millions upon millions, so it has to be good, right?

Nope. It's all hype. Perhaps if you watch it in a packed theater in the middle of the night, it might startle you. But if you watch it for what it is, you'll see an incredibly monotonous first and second act, actors that aren't trained at improvising dialogue, and a payoff that's so-so, at best.

A little bit of fun sandwiched between an hour and a half of the same nonsensical whining doesn't cut the mustard. I would recommend writing a script next time for a sharper delivery on a promising idea.

The new Yahoo - m.www.yahoo.com - sucks.

I can't stand the huge-ass vertical subnavs that take up the whole page on rollover. Maybe if it was a click function. Regardless, it they always pop up when I don't want them to and don't go away quick enough. I'm not opposed to change, but I am opposed to this.

Is it just me or does Avatar look lame?

With a combined budget of nearly 500 million dollars (300 mil to make, 150 mil to market, 50 mil for petty cash), Avatar looks like an overblown video game. I get trying new things and all, but I hate it when special effects push aside realism - one of the main reasons the second two Matrix movies sucked. It brings up the age-old question, "Just because we can, does that really mean we should?"

I don't want to judge a book by its cover, but I'm not opposed to judging a movie by its trailer. And my judgment on Avatar is that someone is going to lose a lot of money followed by a lot of someones losing their jobs.

I hope I'm wrong, but I'm usually not. Check out the trailer and you decide. Avatar Trailer.

Pass the Popcorn: The Taking of Pelham 123

The Taking of Pelham 123 TOOK an hour and a half from me that I can't get back. The acting was good but the movie was just lame. Skip it if you can. And if you can't, try the original instead. At least it had some suspense at the end.

Pass the Popcorn: UP

Pixar's UP was fun but a lot sadder than I had expected. I recommend it.

Nice Try Captain

Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum has had some fairly clever campaigns of late. They've also had a few fall flat like the dudes in the bar impersonating doctors and male book cover models. No, no, Captain. Try again.

They did recently step outside the box with a campaign that would have donated money to an NFL charity for every time an NFL player struck the Captain Morgan pose during a game. I used "donated" in the past tense because it was cut ceremoniously short today. Despite being an ingenious guerrilla marketing campaign, it was also a violation of NFL rules. Read more about the specifics here.

NFL players may have a little Captain in them, but they better not show it during NFL games.

No Excuses

My current immersion in And1's social media campaign has caused me to completely neglect my own social media. My Facebook and Twitter profiles lay dormant and my blog is collecting dust. I know it sounds like an excuse and it is. I'm so deep in all of these other profiles that I can't see my own. Such is life. I will, however, try harder. Like Avis.

Go Yankees!

Blazer Woes

Despite the new additions to the team, the Blazers are looking a bit rough this season. Luckily, it's early, so they have plenty of time to pull out of it, but they really need to find a rhythm between the first and second string. It's close. You can see it in flashes of greatness, but they just haven't settled in yet.

On a positive note, Brandon Roy is playing with a lot more confidence this year, and Greg Oden hasn't got hurt yet, which is nice. It's a long season, so there's no reason to sound the alarms just yet. But we should have the button ready just in case.

When I'm an Old (Man), I Shall Wear Purple

I'll be the first to say that Brett Favre has been way too melodramatic over the last couple of years. I get it. He's at a major cross roads in his life. That's tough for anyone. It doesn't make his actions right, but it doesn't make them condemnatory either. I'll also be the first to say that he's playing out of his mind this year. He's not only putting up great numbers, but he looks like he's cherishing every minute of it too. He's a great competitor. I root for him every week now. And when I'm an old man, I hope I can wear purple too.

Go Yankees!

ESPN's First Take talked about the Yankees being a tough team to like this morning because of the scandals, bloated salaries, and egos. Of course, Skip is a Red Sox fan. Personally, I don't think it's because of the off-field antics as much as it is the revolving door of stars.

I started liking the Yankees after they got bounced out of the ALCS by the Red Sox and grew to like them even more after my two years living in Manhattan. Since I'm not a lifelong Yankee fan, I can see the bitter side of the coin. However, I can also say that if the they keep winning with this unit for several more years, their allegiance will grow. And this is why.

Teams sign athletes to huge contracts all of the time. Unfortunately with the Yankees, they've signed several big names over the past couple of years who only played for a year or two and left. The result is that the team doesn't feel much like a team. Instead, it just looks like owners trying to buy championships.

But if this current crop of superstars play out their contracts together, they'll create a new persona for the Yankees. They won't be CC from the Pirates, AJ Burnett from the Jays, etc, etc, etc. They'll be the Yankees - a team of good athletes that make a lot of money but still enjoy the game.

You can already see it happening with every genuine smile Mark Teixeira has when A-Rod hits an RBI. They're starting to have fun as players instead of simply winning like superstars. People want to watch teams win, not athletes whine. So the more they win as a team, the more people will accept them. Ultimately, the Yankees are good guys. They don't get into fights, throw equipment, and yell at the refs all of the time. And soon, baseball fans will start to see this.

A Sports Night For the Ages

Saturday night (Halloween) will be good for more than just ghosts and goblins. The kids will get the candy, but sports fans will get the treat. Listen to this lineup: Oregon Ducks vs USC, Blazers vs the Rockets, and game three of the World Series, Yankees vs Phillies. The only thing that would make it better is if all of these gems didn't overlap in some capacity. I only have two TVs for crying out loud. Having this many game options is a high-class problem to have. But I'll manage.

Words from a two-year-old

At breakfast this morning, my daughter looked up from her bowl of Fruit Loops and proceeded to say, "Dad, you're a guy."

"Yes I am," I replied.

"You're a good guy."

"Well, thank you Sophia."

"You're my favorite guy."

And the she grabbed her spoon and continued eating her cereal.

And1 Tai Chi Heritage Video

I wrote and produced this at work for the And1 Tai Chi launch. We were able to get a great video made on a limited budget and time.

And1 Tai Chi Heritage Video from And1 Basketball on Vimeo.

And1.com Gets Flashy

The fruits of my recent labor, I was the copywriter and project manager on the And1.com launch. The new And1.com combines old school wisdom with new school fresh. Frank created a layered homepage that invites you into the world of the Tai Chi Prophet, a new character that interacts with consumers and spreads the wisdom of ball. You can discover the Tai Chi Mid, find a retail location, or follow the Prophet on social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. At the very least, the Prophet allows you send smack talk messages or inspirational proverbs to your friends. Listen to his words and your game will follow.

I need new music

I'm looking for some good new music. The last recommendation that really paid off for me was Donnie's insight on "The Everbodyfields." I still dig those Tennessee tunes. Mr. Strahl is not allowed to make suggestions because no matter how hard he tries, we're just not on the same wavelength regarding what's good. I guess one man's ceiling is another man's soiree of mediocrity.

I know I dogged the 49ers' Michael Crabtree for being a money-grubbing punk but winning heals all wounds. If he blows up this weekend, I will forgive his stupidity. Yes, I'm a fickle fan. But fan is short for fanatic, so I guess that makes sense.

4-Day Work Week Please

Utah went to a 4-day work week for government employees last year and saved over 4-million dollars on the state's spending. I would love to only work for 4 days a week. My wife works three 12s. Granted it's hard work being a nurse, but anytime you have more days off than you have on, you're not doing that bad. I'm jealous.

I love Danner Boots.

Halo Cloud Explained...Kind of.

A crazy looking halo cloud appeared over Moscow Russia last week. Scientists said they had a perfectly normal explanation for it. They said, "Several fronts have been passing through Moscow recently, there was an intrusion of the Arctic air too, the sun was shining from the west — this is how the effect was produced."

Oh really. Thanks for that insightful pile of bull. I was hoping that the scientific explanation would include actual scientific information - like the angle of refracted light through air temperatures less than 23 degrees combined with a mirroring effect of crystallized water droplets that couldn't escape a strong upcurrent always produce accentuated effervescence. I would have believed that.

Instead, we get some Russian meteorologist blame it on the intrusion of arctic air and the sun shining from the west. Thanks Russia for keeping us wary of your ability to be truthful. Perhaps if this happened over Brazil, we could believe it. But coming from Russia...I don't know.

Cool Product. Funny Ad.

Obama Gets Paid

Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize for... making a good speech. Yeah, it was inspiring and all. And sure, if half the stuff he promised gets accomplished, it would be pretty cool. I just thought that winning the Peace Prize meant you've actually accomplished something. Don't get me wrong. I know he's trying, but my daughter is also trying to draw faces. That doesn't mean her faces still don't look like jacked-up amoebas with one eye.

All I'm saying is if you want to give the guy an award, let's wait a year. Then if all his efforts start paying off, you can give him all of the metals you want. Because anybody can stand up in front of a mic and spout world peace and denuclearization. Hell, the homeless guy outside my office does it every day.

By these standards this could easily be tomorrow's sports page headline: After a rousing pregame speech by Derek Jeter, MLB decides to crown Yankees World Series Champs before game two even starts.

I just burnt my mouth on a Bunk meatball sandwich. The pain was worth it. Delicious.

Underwhelmed

I just came across the first ad for the 2011 Portland Timbers Soccer Team, and I have to admit that I was completely underwhelmed. I know I'm biased because we came in second to the company that got the gig, but I was hoping to be blown away by their stuff because of that. I wanted to see something that justified us losing the client, but I didn't.

It's not like the ad is bad. It's just a little generic. It could be the ad for any sports team in any country. If you swap out the city or logo, the ad and messaging stay the same. So I will take this as a lesson learned. No matter how creative you want to get with pitches, it may serve you well to include a standard concept. Duly noted. Point taken. This is my pity party.

The copy said "Liverpool. Milan. Barcelona. Madrid. Portland. Finally, we're on the world's pitch." It could have easily been the words on the back of an airport tourist t-shirt. "Liverpool. Milan. Barcelona. Portland. Culture lives here....This ad was paid for by the tourism board of Oregon."


Who knows? Maybe the next ad will have a bigger payoff. Perhaps this is a layered campaign that slowly builds to the genius level. Or maybe sports teams just don't like to take risks when it comes to their advertising. Either way, it doesn't do me any good to sulk.

Up in the Air - Looks Fun

Fantasyland

After posting the the second highest points total for the first three weeks, I was faced with an abysmal 1-2 start. Unfortunately, the last two douches I faced had the best weeks of their lives, thus screwing over my record. So this week I was out for blood. I'd say I had my revenge.

Yes, my team is Ax Man.

CNN Heroes

Voting for CNN's Heroe of the Year is going on right now, and apparently my work fixing the covered up exterior light on my back patio has gone unnoticed. My family can now enjoy that space at dusk, but I guess that doesn't really compete with Jordan Thomas, who lost both his legs in a boating accident. Whatever CNN. You can ignore my day spent under my house, knee deep in smelling compost water too. It doesn't bother me.

Ohhh, nevermind. It's for ordinary people who do extraordinary things. No wonder they didn't come knocking on my door. I'm an extraordinary person just living life. I get it now.

Don't Fall Asleep. Freddy's back.

In the constant rehashing of old horror movies, "A Nightmare on Elm Street" gets its number called. Will it strike fear in the hearts of a new audience or fall flat like the unimaginative "Freddy vs. Jason?" I'm sure a less campy take on the cheese horror franchise will serve well for producer Michael Bay. It's just too bad it isn't being released in time for Halloween. Instead, we're stuck with yet another Saw movie. Yawn.

The "2012" trailer makes the movie look like it's one over-produced, special effects laced scene after another.

Selective Memory

Hollywood has fractured it's normally unified stance on almost everything in regards the recent Roman Polanski arrest. Many stars are petitioning for his immediate release while others are less quick to forget that he plead guilty to sexually assaulting a minor. Whoopie Goldberg went as far as to say that it's not like it was "rape-rape." No Whoopie, it was only getting a 13-year-old girl drunk and drugged up so he could anally and orally penetrate her. No matter how I look at it, that sounds like rape. Just because someone isn't actively fighting back in a dark alley, doesn't mean the crime didn't happen.

And let's not look past the fact that the girl was thirteen. That's seventh grade age. Most people forget how young kids are mentally and physically at that age. Thirteen is too young to drive or watch rated R movies. Just becuase it ends in "teen" doesn't make it any further away from twelve. Even if the girl had consented to the act, it still would have been statutory rape because she was thirteen!

The guy made good films and had his fair share of hard times but that's no excuse. Michael Jackson was raked over the coals for allegedly having inappropriate relations with kids and he wasn't even found guilty. Polanski admits to it and people just look the other way. Not cool, Hollywood.

Pass the Popcorn: State of Play

Russel Crowe, Ben Affleck, Rachel McAdams, Helen Mirren, and Jason Bateman all signed on to make what they probably thought would be the next "All of the President's Men." What they ended up making was an expensive two-hour episode of Law and Order. State of Play follows a team of investigative reporters as they try to solve the murder of a congressman's mistress. And of course, the plot thickens from there. It was good enough to rent but a let down considering the cast. If you've already seen everything on your DVR, give it a try.

Saturn to close its doors.

I've never driven a Saturn but I almost did. The quality of their rigs has gone up a lot over the last couple of years. Enough, that I was considering buying one in the future. I guess not.

It's weird that sign language is the only universal language that means the same thing regardless of what country it's used in. Whether you speak English, Japanese, or Spanish, the sign language stays the same. However, it's probably the least known form of communication out there. Wrap your head around that one.

Is Flash Forward in my future?

Maybe. ABC's new drama, Flash Forward, definitely has an interesting premises. If you get a glimpse into your future, are you destined to create that glimpse or can you change it? Well shot and well acted, the premiere episode was enjoyable. But coming from the creators of Lost, I can't help but wonder if the show is going to ask more questions that it answers every week. That's exactly why I don't watch Lost.


I don't have the wherewithal to sit through a series for 8 years without any resolution. Crime dramas have become so popular because they have a steady plot but each episode focuses on a problem then resolves it. Viewers are drawn to the big picture but can leave every episode with a sense of gratification.

So while Flash Forward might have all of the making of series hit, unless it establishes a formula that allows for instant gratification, I won't be sitting through it every week.

When in Roman

Roman Polanski was finally arrested this weekend in Switzerland after being on the run since 1978. Well he wasn’t really on the run. Even though he was accused of drugging and raping a 13-year-old girl, the U.S. did very little to actually try to capture the aging film director when he fled to France.

If you know nothing about the Oscar winner, I recommend reading some of the recent articles about him. He grew up in the Polish ghettos during WWII, was married to “it girl” Sharon Tate when she was brutally murdered by Charles Manson followers, won awards, and got young girls drunk for his pleasure.

The Tales of Woe

Last week I came home to my wife incessantly telling me that something in the bathroom stank. Well duh, it’s a bathroom. Stanky things go on in there. But she wasn’t buying it. Something else had to be the matter. After investigating the slightly mildewy smell, I decided to have a looksy under the house. It had only been a month since I had taken a peek at our crawl space, so I wasn’t expecting much. Of course, this is what I found.

And this is what it looked like every time we turned the water on.

And this is me pretending to enjoying taking a day off of work to buy a pump and crawl under my house knee deep in sludge.

But I got to it.

And now we have shiny new plastic pipes.

The Book of Eli

Denzel Washington becomes a badass again. Looks post-apocalyptic cool. Wo where as "The Road" is post-apocalyptic depressing. Check out the trailer here.

Hindsight

I wouldn't mind making mistakes if my hindsight was 20/20. Unfortunately, my hindsight seems to register at around 20/40.

Sometimes #2 feels better than #1

After coming up a little short in a recent soccer pitch at work, Frank is packing away the voodoo dolls and pouring out the holy water. We’re not sore losers here. We don’t need to cast spells or wish ill will on the winners…Right?

We can forget about the multiple late night refinements that led to the early morning printing and binding session. We can laugh off the hours spent on three unique graphic executions and fully flushed out 18-month marketing plan. And we’ll simply digest the countless pots of coffee that kept the creative juices flowing because this is the life we chose.

Besides, we watched “The Bachelor” last season. We know what happens to #1s and #2s. You see, Melissa was picked #1 and offered a proposal while Molly was rejected and left asking “why?” on national TV. Of course a couple months later, #2 Molly was asked back and #1 Melissa was dumped, making her the actual #2 and Molly the new #1. And when “Dancing with the Stars” heard about the now #2 Melissa, they asked her to be on their #1 hit show where she made bank. And the first #2, who eventually became #1, is still in love, which is worth more than money - kind of like ideas. You can’t put a price on good one.

So sometimes #2 feels better than #1. And at the very least, 2 is twice as many as 1, which seems like a step up if you’re still doing the math. You know what I mean?

Is Jim Mora Jr. really a Wahlberg brother?

Mark Wahlberg

Jim Mora Jr.

Samsung Rogue

This is the phone I'm gonna get in October. Touch screen, full web browser, and you still get the flip out keyboard. I will finally be able to text without dealing with the T9 functionality.

New Internet Sensation - Michael Jackson Remix

Michael Jackson remix @ Yahoo! Video

I would like to give a shout out to Donovan McNabb for being made of glass. Way to make through half a game this year.

Pass the Popcorn: Sunshine Cleaning

Hey, somebody's got to clean up the mess that suicide victims leave behind. Let me start off by saying that I thought this was a good movie, but I really think they could have brought more to the table. Writer Megan Holley created some very interesting character who had the potential for extensive exploration. But we just didn't get to see it play out on screen. Amy Adams, Emily Blunt, and Alan Arkin all did a fine job, however, with a little more script, they could have really shined. The subplots never fully ran their courses and the ending felt rushed. A nice movie, but not life changing.

The Madden Curse Lives

If you're unaware, virtually every player who's been on the cover of EA Sports' Madden NFL game has been injured in the same year their cover was released - From Michael Vick to Shuan Alexander. Even Brett Favre tore his bicep part way through last season. He played through the pain, but his effectiveness dropped dramatically.

This year, Pittsburgh Steeler Troy Polamalu sprained his MCL in the first game. He'll be out 3-6 weeks. But the twist is that Larry Fitzgerald is also on the cover, which means there could be more to come. Who do the VooDoo that Madden's proved true? It remains a mystery.

She's a He and a She!

Caster Semenya, the South African track star, is a hermaphrodite. Check out the article here. In all reality, this shouldn't be that big of a surprise considering her name says it all. Caster (Castrate - to remove sexual organs) Semenya (See! Men, yeah).

Her parents were trying to tell us something this whole time.

Yup, the girl at the wedding I went to last week had a Guitar Hero tattoo on her back. That's for real.

It's in the stars, kind of.

Holy Crap, it's 09/09/09. And when I got to worked, I looked at the clock at 9:08, waiting for the glorious moment of quintuple nines. But I got sidetracked. And when I looked back, it was already 9:10. Nooooooo! I missed it. The moment that was going to change my life forever... at least, until 10:10 on 10/10/10.

Hugh Hefner's "Guitar Hero" commercial is much more stimulating than the one with all of the basketball coaches. Hey, I'm just saying.

Warning!

There was a little girl on the Today Show this morning who literally had her hand torn off. She was riding home in the back seat of her Suburban when she decided that it would be cool to see her jump rope blowing in the wind. She tied one end to her wrist, cracked the window open, and tossed the other end out. The rope was just long enough to catch under the tire (or in the axle) of the moving car, and rip her hand right off.

Not only is that completely messed up, but it's also understandable. Pay attention to your kids people.

Donnie's Sweet Find - The Literal Translation of "Total Eclipse of the Heart's" music video.

For some reason it wouldn't embedd, so you'll have to follow the link.

Chupacabra Found? Maybe.

Things have been a little hectic at work of late, so I might be a bit sporadic when it comes to blogging.

Now that I've remodeled the majority of my house, I'm kind of sick of it. I loved doing all of the work, but now I have to look at all of the mistakes as well. Not that they're bad mistakes, but I notice them nonetheless. I'm ready to move onto a house I don't have to put money into.

Sucks to be them

There are two men's restrooms on my floor at work. One of them butts right up to another office, which wouldn't normally be that bad. However, there's a vent towards the ceiling that seems to connect directly to the next room. Conversations travel through the wall clear as day. It makes me wonder if noises travel in the other direction as well. Can you imagine hearing a toilet flush as if it were right next to you all day long? Or worse yet, listening to some dude trying to pass his lunch on a dailey basis. It sucks to be them if that's the case.

Probably not true since I made it up

Is it possible that injury prone Carson Palmer of the Bengals is actually health resistant? Some sources say yes, Carson Palmer actually has a mutated virus that fights off good health in professional athletes. Palmer was more than likely infected at USC since subsequent draft busts Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush have also tested positive for the virus. Of course, Leinart claims that he's only guilty of being too fun and that a cream can cure the itch.

However, a local doctor said this particular virus strain is smart based on the fact that it doesn't start damaging healthy athletes until they sign big contracts. That doctor also went on to say that a rogue group of aliens abducted him when he was twelve, forcing him to scientifically probe sea monkeys for hours on end, which was the reason he turned to the medical field as an adult.

"It's nice to know I'm not just a raging vagina that gets hurt all of the time. I have a disease that affects many over-paid athletes every year," Palmer may have been over heard saying, but probably not.

Until further tests are conducted, we can only assume that these athletes just don't have what it takes to perform in the big leagues. But as the list of suspected victims continues to grow with names McNabb and the entire Broncos running core, we can't help but start to believe the monkey probing doctor.

Surprising words from a 2-year-old

My wife sneezes in the kitchen prompting my daughter, Sophia, to say, "Are you sick mommy? Do you need to go to the doctor?"

My wife quickly responds, "No honey, I'm fine."

"Oh mommy, you all better."

"Yes, Sophia."

"I'm so happy for you. Can I have chocolate?"

Old Spice Needs New Ads

Old Spice's "Residue is Evil" campaign drives me nuts. They've had some great ads over the last couple years (the dude sliding around the bases was brilliant and Bruce Campbell in the study was awesome), but their latest attempt is missing the mark.

Tarantino and the Matrix

I recently watched Quentin Tarantino's YouTube posting where he talks about his top 20 favorite movies released since 1992. Beyond being filled with Asian flicks, I found two other things he said to be interesting (and by interesting, I mean they mirror my own thoughts).

First, he praises M. Night Shyamalan's "Unbreakable," which is definitely an underrated film. That being said, M. Night is a completely overrated director, writer, and actor. But what I like the most about his brief description of the movie, is the fact that he refers to M. Night Shyamalan as Shamalong-a-ding-dong, which has been my nickname for him since he came out with "Signs."

Second, was his view of "The Matrix." This was one of the best action movies ever made when it came out in 1999. The special effects, action scenes, and storyline blew me away. However, the release of the second and third Matrix movies completely diluted the briliance of it all. The storyline became subpar and the special effects got too big for their own good, making the actions scenes almost laughable. I still love "The Matrix" as a stand alone movie but not as much as I loved it before the other two were released.

Tarantino's an odd duck though. He's cool. He makes edgy films. But he's odd.

Miss Universe! That's assuming an awful lot.

This was actually the first year I've ever watched the Miss Universe pageant, and I did so while fast forwarding through most of it on my DVR. All I'm saying is that Miss USA is a D-bag, Miss Australia almost got robbed (except for she sounded like a typical bimbo on the interview question), and there were too many Latin American countries in the top ten.

I would like to know exactly what they judge these ladies on because one swim suit, one dress, and 30 seconds of talking seems like weak standards for deeming someone Miss Universe. I want to see a talent competition (no baton throwing allowed), a Trivia test, and maybe a competition where they have to build something out of a K'NEX set. Remember those, they were awesome.


I know it's a beauty pageant, but I want some substance. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing ladies in bikinis. But ladies in bikinis building a model bridge could be sexy too. And Miss Venezuela, let's hold onto the crown next time.

Oddly Not Connected

One of my grandpa's and my dad’s favorite says growing up was “Powder River Let’er Buck” – a popular phrase among cowboys, a battle cry for northwest infantry during the wars, and rallying cry for many northwest universities. To commemorate the passing of my grandpa (a gritty old cowboy) I had those initials tattooed on me along with my grandpa’s brand. I didn’t think a lot about it until recently, when I came across a funny connection:

Besides being coined by a legendary cowboy, Powder River, Let’er Buck was also popularized in a book of the same title in the early 1900s by a writer/rancher who lived in Jackson, WY. I spent several years in Jackson during youth. Furthermore, I’ve also become a writer in my adult life. But finally, the writer’s name is Struthers Burt, which is also my last name.

I know that this doesn’t mean anything in any literal fashion. But it’s interesting that a phrase I grew up around and have tattooed on my body was affected so greatly by someone who has some obvious surface level connections to myself. Except of course that I’m not rancher, but I wouldn’t mind being one.

Powder River, Let’er Buck!

Favre Fevre

I know the majority of the sports world didn't want to see Brett Favre come back. And I get the fact that the news coverage is annoying. But as far as pure parody in competition, I think it's awesome. Some broken down old dude is trying to keep his streak alive, stick it to a team that burned him, and win one last time. Sign me up for that.

Like the rest of his career, his season will probably be filled with brilliant games and huge interceptions, but that only makes it more exciting. My feeling towards the whole situation is probably helped by the fact that I'm not a Packers fan and have been indifferent about Favre's career. That being said, let's see what the guy's got left in the tank.

Glorious NoPo

On my way to work this morning I got stuck at a red light for what seemed like 5 full minutes. Luckily I was right next to a bus stop, so I had no shortage of people to watch. What caught my eye this time was an odd couple vigorously making out. A white gray-haired man who could have easily been an old 35 or a young 50 donned baggy FUBU jeans with one leg rolled up to his knees. His spit-swapping partner appeared to be an old 25-year-old girl, but it wouldn't have surprised me if she was closer to 40.

They intently sucked face, only coming up for a quick breath of air and a shared drag off of a old cigarette. It was both creepy and disgusting. The session continued the whole time I was stranded there. Her bus arrived when my light turned green. As I drove away I could see them both take one last puff off the cig, spit their gum out on the street (even though they were leaning on a garbage can), and continue on.

Mostly Not True: Tiger Chokes…on hairball?

It appeared that Tiger Woods choked this weekend after blowing a fourth round lead, missing almost every conceivable putt, and carding a 75 in the wake of it all. After the devastating loss, however, he hunched over and coughed up a massive hairball. Critics and fans were quick to point out that even though you can gag on a hairball, you don’t technically choke on it. And being that Tiger’s name literally references a giant cat, it makes sense that Mr. Woods would cough one up every once and awhile.

Greg “The Shark” Norman chimed in after the loss, saying that he too has gagged in the past but only after trying to consume a large seal without adequately chewing it. A far-too-real phenomenon that simply comes with having your nickname refer to a predatory animal.

Phil Michelson was later heard crying behind the media tent because he doesn’t have a cool nickname. “Lefty” is nothing more than a one-armed pirate or a right-handed gangster (because gangsters like the irony of having nicknames that are opposite of their physical characteristics…Like Tiny or Shorty). Phil was seen leaving the course with “The Abominable Snowman” written on the back his shirt.

Pass the Popcorn: Coraline

Laika's stop animation project from Portland, Ore. boasts the vocal talents of Dakota Fanning and Teri Hatcher. Because of the local connections I whole-heartedly wanted to like this movie, which is about a lonely girl who discovers a secret door that leads to a fantasy world. The script wasn't bad and the animation served nicely, but I felt like the movie was void of any real weight. I blame the audio mixing and absence of strong ambient sounds. Animations have to have a full spectrum of background noise to make up for the obvious lack of reality, and this one didn't. It just wasn't a rich enough experience for me.

"I Love You Man" = Hilarious. However, I think it's funnier for guys watching it than the ladies.

Watching "I Love You Man" with your mom = Awkward. She was a good sport though.

Normalcies in Western Montana

I went down to the bar with my dad this morning because its the only place in town to get breakfast. As we were eating, I looked out the window and saw a man riding a horse in the rain down the road. I thought nothing of it and kept eating.

Naturally Natural

This morning at my parent's house, I had milk that went straight from a local cow to my mom's fridge, eggs that went straight from a local coup to our carton, and sausage links wrapped and seasoned by my dad. I felt officially self-sufficient.

The craziest part about the milk, is that my mom actually separates the cream from the top, then separates butter from the cream, and has low fat milk to show for it. Crazy.

A late night at work turned into an early morning at work. At least I get to head to Montana tonight when I get off. Unfortunately, I will have to make the trip on less than desirable amounts of sleep.

Crazy-Realistic Dreams: Is This Normal?

Last night I was kept awake by several vivid dreams. I usually have intense REM, but last night's was particularly realistic. Here's the short version.

Dream 1: I pulled into a large gas station along the interstate to find that the parking lot of full. There were two large military-type tanks parked alongside two heavily armored SUVs. I thought it odd but still wanted to purchase a Gatorade and Snickers bar. On my way into the travel center I notice three large airplanes flying overhead. The first one suddenly veered left. It's wing sheered off and it came crashing down dangerously close the station. People were panicked and running when the second plane did the same thing, crashing even closer. When the third plane started its crash sequence, however, I knew it was comeing right for us. I started to run, barely making it out of the way as the plane crashed into the corner of the travel center. I looked up just in time to see the roof over the gas pumps collapse, killing everyone under it.

I was still able to get into the damaged travel center where they were already marketing down goods because of the crashes. Unfortunately after I grabbed my Gatorade and Snickers, I realized they didn't accept debit cards, and I only had $1 in my pocket.

Dream #2: My wife and I returned to Manhattan where we needed to board the subway and head uptown. I had just told her about my experience with the airplanes as we were getting on the A train. I suddenly had the thought that the plane crashes might be a foreboading about my train ride, so I jumped off as the doors closed. My wife didn't make it off in time. She seemed confused as the train headed uptown.

I started walking to the stairs when i saw a man removed a pistol from his coat. He saw me take notice and told me to leave, but when I turned, he shot me in the back. The impact knocked me down. I could feel the cramping in my side as I reached around and felt the blood. I managed to walk upstairs and into a library where someone called an ambulance. However, instead of waiting for paramedics, the librarian tried digging the bullet out of my back. The pain woke me up.

Dream #3: I was driving a new truck with my dad and my kids in the back seat. I believe I was on my way home from the hospital because I was conscious of getting shot earlier. The road became increasingly windy and the side barriers started narrowing. It was hard to control the truck, but I was managing.

Just when I thought I got through the bulk of the danger, the truck suddenly flipped and rolled several times. The impact was unsettling, but everyone was okay. I got out to find that the truck infront of me had lost a ladder that cuased me to flip. I then spent the next part of the dream fighting with an insurance company over who was going to fix my truck.

So those were my rambling dreams that cuased me to wake up exhuasted.

Nike's new competition for great ads comes from a breakfast cereal.

Michael Crabtree: 4+4 = 0
After conferring with his advisor and cousin David Wells, #10 NFL draft pick Michael Crabtree has decided to make $0 next year instead of $4 million. Wells, a self proclaimed Rain Man, claims that if you take the square root of a desired salary times pi and divide it by the number of years Michael Jackson was black then 4 hens in the tree are greater than 1 in your hand. Crabtree approved this logic by not firing his cousin and stating that “Dustin Hoffman is a really smart dude.”

In a related story, Texas Techs math department is under full review.

Crabtree’s Advisor Reveals Master Plan
Michael Crabtree’s cousin and adviser David Wells went on to say that he also wants to advise for President Barack Obama in the coming months. Wells, after all, is Michael Crabtree’s cousin and feels that this raises his advisory market value. Besides, he was able to get Crabtree great media coverage for mere millions, proving that any press is good press. Or at least that if you act like a douche bag, people will write about you.

His plan? Have the president hold out from running the country until he’s recognized as President of the World. He also wants Russian Prime Minister Putin to put his shirt back on. Putin couldn’t be reached for comment because he was too busy hanging out with Matthew McConaughey and Tour D’ France winner Lance Armstrong, who also enjoy the feel of a cool breeze on their bare nipples.

Greed Sucks

The 49ers 10th overall pick in the draft needs to shut up and prove himself. I'm sick of NFL rookies thinking that they deserve to make umpteen million guaranteed dollars before they ever suit up. The NFL needs to take a page from the NBA's book where the rookie salaries are capped. After they prove themselves for two or three years, they can hold out for as much money as they want. Until then, just be happy your getting paid to play a sport.

Michael Crabtree is case and point. The dude thinks he was the best receiver in the draft even though he wasn't drafted the highest. That's fine. You did good in college. Now go out with the big boys and prove you can still be that good. All this holding out because you want to make more than that guy before you've ever played an NFL down in crap.

Everybody Poops

That's right I said it. Everybody poops. However, not everybody talks about it. So here's my T.M.I. about poop today.

I had to relieve myself after a particularly large lunch at Wendy's. Of course when I got to the restroom, someone didn't flush their pee down the toilet. Knowing that this specific toilet is slow to react when flushing, I decided that I would delicately go #2 without a preflush. I was, afterall, in a hurry. No worries, right? Wrong. As luck would have it, things got a little aggressive and Bam! Someone else's pee splashed up on my butt. And that my friends, isn't a pleasant thing to think about. But I've already written it. You've already read it. And we've both just thought about it. Sorry for that.

'Dating in the Dark' should be called 'When average looking people realize they don't want to date other average looking people.'

I think it's funny that these people all try to make it sound like looks don't matter as they choose not to date their matches after they see what they look like. The bottom line is that looks do matter. Your partner doesn't have to be a supermodel, but if you're not attracted to them then you might as well just be friends.

Sexual chemistry is important in any relationship. You don't have to go around humping like rabbits, but if you don't feel like getting romantic with your spouse, you're in for a bumpy ride. On that same note, you also have to be best friends with your spouse. It's a two-way street and both lanes needs to be traveled.

It's not a matter of being superficial or shallow. It's purely about finding the right person that fits your expectations. If your expectations are too high, you may be lonely for awhile. Likewise, if you lie to yourself and say you've changed your expectations so you don't look like a douche bag on national TV, you'll probably still be lonely. You'll just have someone next to you that's lonely too.

Not so Lucky

With the number of people out there that are sharing files on peer-to-peer networks, it would sure suck to be one of the handful that actually get sued for it. From Yahoo Tech:

The latest verdict in its favor has been handed down against Ph.D. student Joel Tenenbaum, who was found guilty of willfully infringing 30 songs and sharing them on the KaZaA peer-to-peer network. Despite the almost circus-like environment of the legal proceedings (in which Tenenbaum's lawyer was sanctioned for his behavior), the jury didn't take long to determine the level of damages against Tenenbaum: $675,000, or $22,500 per song he illegally shared online.

The trailer for The Time Traveler's Wife freaks me out. Some dude meets a chic when she's a little girl, falls in love with her, and then travels through time until she's a woman and sleeps with her. I'm sure there's more to the story, but as it stands, I'm sufficiently weirded out. Fall in love with someone your age Time Traveler. Before you know it, Chris Hansen is going to be knocking on your door.

Pass the Popcorn: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

The sixth installment of the of Harry Potter series hit theaters in July, which means I actually got to see a movie before it came to the Red Box. Yeah for me! The Half Blood Prince has David Yates (director of Order of the Phoenix and the next two Potter films) lead us one step closer to the inevitable confrontation between Harry and Voldemort, who was noticably absent during this film.

The Half Blood Prince was well shot, all of the actors added another level of depth to their characters, and there was a lot of well timed humor throughout. That being said, I was slightly let down by this Potter film. Don't get me wrong, it's worth seeing, but it definitely had a more methodical pace than the last two.

The movie does a decent job at describing the main plot points but comes up short at creating some of the obvious torment some of the main characters go through in the book. This could be overlooked if it was replaced with another platform to hold my interest.

I know the book focused more on self discovery (if my memory serves me), but I would have liked a little more tempo in the theatrical version. And the fact that all of the critics seemed to embrace the film also raised my expectations, which probably contributed to my mild let down. And since this installment was pushed back over 6 months due to the writer's strike, we now have to wait a year and a half to see how Yates will interpret the first half of the last book (just long enough for me to lose interest).

Despite my negative ramblings, The Half Blood Prince was well done and will probably be much better upon a second viewing.

The Alice in Wonderland Teaser can be seen HERE.

G.I. JOE: Rise (or Fall) of Cobra

I have a sinking feeling that G.I. JOE is going to bomb at the box office when it opens next week. Being a fan of the franchise as a kid, I was excited when I heard about this live action version last year. Unfortunately, what Batman did so right, it looks like JOE did all wrong. The power behind cartoon or comic resurgence is in the gritty, real life application of its characters. Fans like to experience the dark reality of these imaginary worlds. And from recent previews, it looks like JOE has gone the 12-year-old popcorn route instead. Granted, this worked for Transformers (which was actually somewhere in between), but I don't see it translating here. The one liners feel forced and the action looks like it's too rooted in fantasy. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Hopefully I'm wrong for the franchise's sake.

Hot. Hot. Hot.

I know talking about the weather is a little lame. But after 10 straight days of 90+ degrees and three above 100 degrees, I've come to the conclusion that my next house is going to have more than one window AC unit. It's supposed to be 107 degrees today. Someone needs to tell mother nature that this is Portland and that is uncalled for.

Soulja Boy Lyrics...Suck

I'm To Clean Off In This Hoe
Watch Me Crank Dat Roosevelt
Then Super soak That Hoe,
And Superman That Bitch,

I know I'm not super young and maybe not even super hip, but literally every line ends in Hoe, Bitch, or talking about bodily fluids. Seriously, this is a top selling artist. Whatever happened to hip hop? It amazes me that this type of lyrical content is supported by anybody. Don't get me wrong, I've got some Kanye, Jay Z, and Eminem on my ipod, but stuff like this isn't even ironically good. It's the lowest common denominator and that's it.

Short, Sweet, Funny. Good commercial.

A new taser gun that can stop up to three people without reloading! Bring on the miscreants. It's showtime.

Pass the Popcorn: Defiance

There's something about Holocaust movies that just make them hard to watch. Perhaps it's because everybody is dying and even the happy endings are sad. Defiance is no different. It tells the heroic story of three Jewish brothers who establish a forest hideout community during WWII in order to escape from the Nazis. This true recounting does a good job at giving each of the brothers their own emotional arc, but overall, there wasn't anything fresh to see. It showed the torment men go through when they are elevated to saviors, when hard decisions have to be made, and that everyone has the opportunity to stand up and lead when the time is right. But even though the action was good in spots, a lot of the scenes felt stagnant.

I'm constantly in awe of those who made it through that time in history and fully appreciate those who try to do them justice by telling their stories. But it takes a great piece of work for me to really appreciate the situation cinematicly. I like the effort here but don't love the outcome.